Tag Archives: humor

Trip Planning.

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Many of you regular reader know that I’ll be heading out to Mexico on Sunday for the Akumal Comedy Festival because I refuse to shut up about it and it’s true! I’m going to Mexico on Sunday!


I have to do a lot of preparation for this trip. As a part time road comic, I’m pretty used to throwing some underwear and a toothbrush (the only two things I ever bring when I travel) into a duffel bag and heading out to some small midwestern town for 1 to 4 nights but this trip is different. I’ll be gone for 8 days. This will be the longest I’ve ever been apart from Jena since we first started dating. This will also be my first time in a foreign country (except Canada but I really don’t think that counts. As a Minnesotan I’m pretty much Canadian anyway) and the furthest I’ve ever traveled. Here’s just a few of the steps I’ve taken to prepare for my journey.


* Watch ¡Three Amigos! for fashion tips.

I'm sure you can find that outfit at Target.




* Google a list of recommended vaccinations for travelling to mexico so I know what to tell the doctor I have when I get back. I’m pretty sure I’m up to date on most of those. I think. Oh well, Typhoid’s probably not nearly as bad as it sounds.



* Check the weather.

Oh, that's nice.



*Feel guilty that Jena’s not coming along. Make a mental note to take pictures of myself with a sad face exploring Mayan ruins, sad face sitting in the infinity pool, sad face drinking on the beach etc.



* Remember that airplanes have that stupid liquid rule. Does that mean I can’t bring my deodorant? It’s the gel kind. Does that count as liquid? I don’t want to have to buy a whole new bottle while I’m down there so I’ll just put on 8 days worth of deodorant right before I leave. I should be fine.


Pretty sure that about covers it. I’m told there’s free wireless there so I’ll should be able to put up a couple of blogs next week and still harass my facebook friends into coming to my comedy shows (New hope Cinema Grill April 27th and 28th!) if I can figure out how to use Mexican internet without getting “Montezuma’s Revenge”. The majority of the blogs next week will be done by Jena, who has the week off from work and gets to experience my life as a homemaker/bullshit comedy writer. Hopefully after walking a mile in my robe and slippers she’ll gain some perspective and realize the plight of the stay at home mom (it’s so easy).

J.K. Rowling to Release Novel for People Who Like Boring Things

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Publisher Little, Brown revealed that J.K. Rowling will be releasing a new novel this fall entitled “Casual Vacancy”. The novel, set in a non magical English town, will be released in who gives a shit it’s not Harry Potter.



Rowling, who became an international sensation with her series of Harry Potter novels said that this will be her first novel for adults as it lacks any of the aspects of her Harry Potter series that was interesting or fun.



Here’s the publisher’s synopsis of the plot:
The Casual Vacancy


When Barry Fairweather dies unexpectedly in his early forties but not by dementors or Voldemort or anything like that, the little town of Pagford is left in shock.

Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey where the mail is delivered by stupid postmen instead of awesome owls and brooms are only used for sweeping. What lies behind the pretty, non magical façade is a town at war but not the kind were people shoot lightning bolts out of wands at each other.

Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils…Pagford is not what it first seems. Not in the way where that train station in The Sorcerer’s Stone was not what it seemed with the wall that was actually a doorway. This is more of a metaphoric “not what it seems”.

And the empty seat left by Barry on the parish council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Again, the term “war” is used solely as a metaphor here. Not like the actual war between the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters. This is really just people yelling at each other and lying about thing. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity and unexpected revelations (none of which are magical)?



The book will be available in September and will be simultaneously released as a hardback, an e-book, an audio download, a book on CD, and as a giant suppository.



Photo of Michael Jordan wearing a Washington Wizards jersey.

Interview: Craigslist Rants and Raves.

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After yesterday’s interview with Matt Olson I realized a few things.



1: I think I can say, without ego, that I’m really awesome at interviewing people.

2: Interviews are super easy to write. You only have to write half an article. That’s probably why magazines had so many interviews back when they were a thing that existed.

3: We were almost out of almond milk. I was able to fix this by going to the store and buying more almond milk.


Now this won’t be all interviews, all the time but it’s nice to know if I’m running out of ideas I can always interview my 11 year old stepson or my neighbor that looks like a homeless Marc Maron. Today I’ll be interviewing the the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist.


For years, the Rants and Raves section of craigslist has been home to opinions too inflammatory to be shared on sites like facebook or twitter (due to lack of anonymity) but too stupid to be shared on sites like 4chan or reddit (even those people have standards). I sat down with Rants and Raves to talk about their life, their loves and their opinions of black people.


Bill: Thanks for taking a few minutes to talk to me. I know you must be really busy.



CLR&R: BIGGEST WASTE OF MONEY EVER, NASA SPACE PROGRAM TRILLIONS LOST ON THAT (BRIGHT PEOPLE THERE), SPEND $ TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO DUMP 100S OF TONS OF GARBAGE IN OUTER SPACE WHILE ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING,WHOS THE IDIOT THAT THOUGHT OF THAT? WONDER HOW MUCH CORRUPTION WAS INVOLVED, CANT SMOKE A CIG ANYWHERE BY LAW BUT EVERY LAUNCH CREATED ENOUGH SECOND HAND SMOKE EQUAL TO 500 QUAD TRILLION CIGARETTES,NO WONDER YOU CAN’T SEE STARS ANYMORE THE GOV CHOKED OFF THE SKIES SO BAD YOU CAN’T SEE EM,



Bill: You do have a point. We should be able to smoke anywhere because of spaceships. You’ve been pretty active, politically. Do you support any particular party or candidate?



CLR&R: facts. not all independent people are rich but all rich people are independent but all independent people are free , no dependent person is rich or free .

doesnt get much more self explanatory than that . i might not be rich but damned if im giving up my freedom .

...wha?





Bill: So… are you saying Kerry’s like… Dukakis? But neither of them are running this… whatever. Let’s talk about the current administration. You’ve said some pretty critical things about the president in the past.



CLR&R: The only truth (USA). The pictures tell it all.

but Hitler and Stalin were enemies in... nevermind.

wait. are you trying to say... I'm having a hard time seeing this as not racist.





Bill: Okay. It seems like part of your problem with the President is his race. Care to comment on that?



CLR&R: Tupac. Tupac Shakur ,from my understanding was just another Richie Rich spoiled litte boy whose thing was “He liked to spit on other people”. My what a great role model. No wonder somebody shot the P.O.S. And no wonder, that these other P.O.S. are getting shot on a regular basis. If it has always been like this I can see why they had lynchings . No offense meant but if thats how they act murdering assaulting robbing raping etc string them up. Thats what they did with white murdering assaultive rapists assholes who try to spit on other people.

Hey Tupac how did that spitting on people work out for ya?



Bill: Huh. Listen, we’re running out of time here so could you just kind of wrap it up with something racist, conservative, local and confusing all mashed up together?



CLR&R: Minnesota Killing Down 99% (Hooded Rat’s Welfare). lease say no to more cop’s & yes to Ziggys new playground for his overpayed and underplayed playmates. The hooded rat’s have killed 4 in two days in the twincitys. Hoodrats with asses hanging out, make we the people the asses.. Voters I.D. Gay-Rights should take the weak minded away from the real problems of the State.



Bill: Thanks. This was really fun.



CLR&R: WTF IS FACEBOOK FOR? SNOOPY PEOPLE? (I WOULDN’T GIVE EM $5 DOLLARS FOR CO). FACEBOOK ONLY FOLLOWS PEOPLE AROUND LIKE A STALKER, WHAT IS FACE BOOK FOR ANYWAY? SOCIALIZE? EVER HEAR OF A PHONE? IT’S THAT THING YOU DIAL, I SIGNED UP ONLY TO DISCOVER U CAN’T DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT SO THEY CAN FOLLOW A PERSONS PERSONAL LIFE FOREVER, I THINK IT IS JUST AN ADVERTISING ENGINE.



Bill: I’m… just going to go now.


For more information on craigslist rants and raves, ask a crazy racist.

Akumal Comedy Festival Interview: Portrait of An Artist: The People of The Akumal Comedy Festival: Profile Interview: Director Matt Olson

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As some of you may know I’ll be in Akumal, Mexico all next week for the First Annual Akumal Comedy Festival and youngnotions.com will be the official blog of the festival because nobody else has staked that claim yet! Do you need approval of the festival to be the official blog? Whatever.


As the so far undisputed official blog of the Akumal Comedy Festival, we’ll be interviewing some of the performers and producers that are making this happen and are responding to my emails asking for the interview. I’m excited that our first artist interview will be with director Matt Olson!



Director Matt Olson near a camera either about to direct something or just finished directing something.




Matt Olson cut his teeth in the Minneapolis comedy scene directing for sketch comedy groups The Label and The Other Side Project. After winning the 2008 and 2009 Minneapolis 48 Hour Film Festivals with his shorts “Birthmarked For Death” and “The Grave Review”, Matt moved to Los Angeles. Since then, he’s written and directed an Emmy and Telly award winnning PSA, written a half hour comedy show for FX and is currently developing a web series for MTV. With the experience of directing over 100 live multimedia shows over the years, Matt is coming down to Akumal to not only film the festival but direct several original comedy sketches. The sketches, written and performed by the comedians of the festival, will all be shot in the the few days leading up to the fest. Youngnotions.com sits down with Matt to discuss the unique challenge of producing comedy under tight deadlines.


Bill: Given your experience with the 48 Hour Film Challenge, you’re no stranger to filming sketch comedy under tight time restrictions. For the Akumal Fest you’re going to shoot and edit several short sketches in the matter of a few days. How would you say working under such pressure changes the process? Does it help?

Matt: I think that working under tight time constraints can yield really good stuff. It pushes you to work at the top of your abilities and makes it nearly impossible to second guess your ideas. This helps make the work more honest and instinctual. Of course the good ideas couldn’t come to life or be done justice without a really solid crew. We had around 25 folks working on our first 48 hour and over 40 on the Grave Review. We have a great bunch working the Akumal shoot. Really an accomplished set of filmmakers. One of the added challenges is that there’s only four of us, so pushing that boulder’s going to take a lot effort.

Bill: You’ve only got a few people working with you on the production end this time around while you have over a dozen comedians writing for you. It’s almost a reverse of your 48 experiences with just a few writers and a large production crew. Is that going to change your process much?

Matt: Yes, I think the large amount of talent ensures I’ll be working even harder on the writing/directing side of things.
We want to include everyone who’s into this but because of our limitations it’s going to be hard to feature everyone equally.
We also don’t want to do something that’s just an extended role call. No final episode of Seinfeld for me please.
We’re still going to be pushing to make work that at actually features some character development and has a cinematic look and feel to it.
I think the key to this lies in finding thematic, comedic and ironic connections between a bunch of diverse folks playing heightened versions of themselves.

Ok maybe diverse isn’t the right word. They’re mostly a bunch of white male comedians. With this crew I guess you could find diversity in “beard/no beard” or wimpy and skinny vs. fat hairy.

Bill:Hey, way off topic but do you remember the time we were at the Nomad with Denson and you totally nerded out on that hot waitress?

Matt: Remind me.

Bill: Okay. We were all on the patio and ordered from this waitress. She came back with our drinks really fast, like a minute later. I said “Wow, that was super fast” and she said “I know, I’m just like Flash Gordon!”

Matt: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Bill: So she says “Just like Flash Gordon” and then you respond by saying “Uhhh, I think you mean ‘The Flash'”. You might have said “Uhh, I think you mean DC Comics’ ‘The Flash'” but I can’t remember.

Either way, the waitress scrunched up her face and said something to the effect of “Whatever” and left. Did you get her number after that? I can’t remember. She really seemed into being corrected on comic book trivia. Girls like that stuff.

Matt: She was obviously not my type.

Bill: Maybe you just weren’t specific enough. She probably would’ve hopped on your jock right then and there if you were just more pedantic about it. Follow it up with something like “And even then there aren’t any female Flashes so call yourself ‘Jessie Quick’ next time”.

Matt:Go fuck yourself, Bill.

Bill: Good interview.


If you’d like to see more of Matt Olson, you can find him at a comic book shop on Wednesday (that’s when the new releases come out).

Easter Around the World!

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Easter is coming and this Sunday kids all over America will look around their houses for baskets filled with chocolate and brightly colored eggs and pet baby chickens that will be abandoned in less than a month.


While we all know about American Easter traditions like the bunny and Easter Basket and Egg Hunt, different cultures celebrate Easter in different ways all around the world. Here’s just a sampling of how Easter is celebrated in different parts of the globe.


Easter Bilby (Australia)

The Easter Bilby is pretty much just the Australian version of the Easter Bunny. The bilby is actually endangered due to feral rabbits (which I guess are actually a pretty big problem in Australia?) and the whole concept of the Easter Bilby is used to bring awareness to this tiny holocaust led by rabbit nazis (and sell some chocolate while they’re at it).


The Dingus (central Europe)
I really can’t find a funnier way to describe this than the wikipedia article does so I’m just going to copy/past the description. “In Poland, Hungary, Slovakia, and the Czech Republic[5] traditionally, early in the morning boys awake girls by pouring a bucket of water on their head and striking them about the legs with long thin twigs or switches made from willow, birch or decorated tree branches”.



Happy Easter, bitch! Hope you like leg welts!





Easter Monday is basically pledge week at the Alpha Beta Czech house.



You can check the article for a full, lengthy and boring explanation on why that’s done but I can sum it up for you. Some weird Pagan rituals got mixed up with some weird Christian rituals and this is what happened. Speaking of weird Christian rituals –



The Resurrection of Jesus Christ (Rome)
In Vatican City, people go to church every Easter Sunday to celebrate the resurrection of the Son of God

also everybody wears bright round yellow hats.


They pay tribute and relive his suffering at the cross by sitting through an hour and a half Catholic mass. They then celebrate the joy of his resurrection by going to a fancy brunch.


There’s so many ways different cultures celebrate the holiday. One of my favorites is the tradition of the re-enactment of Wayne Gretky’s battle with the Wendigo but I’ll save that story for Canadian Easter in August. Happy Easter, everybody!

How to Have a Drunken Facebook Political Agrument.

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Step 1: See something you disagree with –

Oh I do not agree with that!




Step 2: Make it known that you disagree with the thing. Be sure to throw some profanity in there. Let’s them know you’re up for a fight –




Step 3: Get a response and attack back with numbers and links!

Fun fact: If you're chatting online with me you can tell how drunk I am by how smart I'm trying to sound. The drunker I am, the smarter I try to sound.




Step 4: That last step seemed a little impersonal? Throw in a couple more comments as a “fuck you”. Doesn’t matter if they haven’t commented back yet. In fact, commenting multiple times in a row uninterrupted scores you extra points.

getting druuuunnnk noooooowwww!




Step 5: Drum up some support from your like minded friends on your own wall.

Drinking, facebook drama and a mention of Dr. Who? Now I've got my friends listening.




Step 6: Inadvertently piss off the wife.

No I didn't... but I... what I mean is...




Step 7: A new contender! So many words! Fight back, damnit!

so damn druuuunnnnk noooooowwwww




Step 8: More words!

My last comment got cut off by the screen cap but does it really matter? Do you really need to see what I said?




Step 9: Realize What you’re doing.

SOMEBODY HELP ME.




Step 10: Pass out. Wake up the next morning. Realize the other guy posted two huge comments in response to your last thing. Ignore it.


It’s that simple!

Craigslist Job Posting: Familiar With Scientology Church?

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I was on craigslist this morning looking for ads in the talent section that didn’t involve women being filmed kicking dudes in the balls when I saw this ad in the writing section.



Familiar with Scientology Church? (Minneapolis)

I’m in need of a short paper, about 1 page long describing a Scientology church. My assignment called for me to visit a Scientology church, but I have not had the chance. I was specifically going to visit the one in st. Paul, but if you can write a short description about any Scientology church that would be fine. I was thinking of paying 30$?…willing to negotiate though…hope you can help!:)


Okay, let’s just push past the hilarious fact that this kid put out a craigslist ad for somebody to do his homework for 30 bucks because I could seriously use 30 bucks right now. While I’ve never been to the Church of Scientology in St. Paul, I’ve read some pretty disturbing shit about it on wikipedia and I saw that one episode of South Park.

Xenu!

I also tried reading Dianetics once after picking it up at a garage sale for $0.50 but gave up after 20 pages because it was a seriously boring and complicated read.


Given my extensive knowledge and exhaustive research (20 minutes of googling), I think I’m up to the task of writing what it’s like visiting the Church.


I had originally planned on visiting the Church of Scientology with the intention of taking a free tour and, if I had time, one of their “personality tests”. Upon entering the massive, ornate facility that once was home to the Science Museum of Minnesota, I strolled around the cafe and found myself in the reading room surrounded by copies of Dianetics and other works by L.Ron Hubbard, Scientology’s founder. I picked up a copy of “The Indegestible Triton” and lazily thumbed through it, chuckling a bit to myself at the campy fantasy tale.

A well groomed and cheery man approached me and said “isn’t he a great writer? You could spend hours in this reading room. I have.” He extended his hand and told me his name was Kevin. I told him I was just browsing and put the book back, commenting that this was one of the biggest “churches” I’ve ever seen. Kevin laughed and said that it wasn’t really a church but the list of people who benefited from Scientology was growing every day. He asked if I wanted to take a free personality test and I politely declined, stating that I was only here researching a school paper on Scientology.

Kevin’s eyebrows raised. “Oh? I hope you aren’t too harsh on us!” He laughed for a bit and then fell silent, staring right into my eyes. I told him that I had done some research on the religion and just wanted to see what it was like first hand. He put his hand on my shoulder and said “Well let me give you a personal tour, then.” He walked me down a hallway and pointed out a couple of large meeting rooms and a group of smaller meeting rooms that were for “auditing”. A process that he assured me that I’d find out about soon enough. He then brought me to a large, empty office. The office, he said, belonged to L. Ron Hubbard. He told me that it was there as a monument, a tribute to their late founder. Writer of all those books in the reading room just like the one I was holding earlier. “Were you enjoying ‘The Indigestible Triton?'” he asked. I shrugged and said that it was “a bit hokey” and he immediately snapped back “The Indigestible Triton is my favorite book. Let’s keep walking, shall we?”

We went upstairs and he brought me into a large, 300 seat IMAX theater. The lights were dim and it was completely empty, save us. Kevin asked me to wait for the theater for a moment because there was something he wanted to show me. He walked out and the doors to the theater slammed shut. The lights dimmed even more and the projector turned on. I called out for Kevin and his voice boomed from the projection booth “the doors are locked but don’t worry. I think you’ll find that you’ll be on the edge of your seat the whole movie!”

My eyes grew wide in horror as I realized what was about to be played. “You can’t do this! This is inhumane!”

Kevin laughed maniacally. “According to the ‘Fair Game’ policy I can use whatever tactics needed to silence the critics of Scientology! Enjoy your screening of ‘Battlefield Earth’, man-animal!”

I’m writing this down as fast as I can in hopes that I get it all before I inevitibly go insane. Those kids in the Guy Fawkes masks were right. God help me.


Now that’s an assignment worth $30!

The Six Fakest Cracked Article Names I Could Come up With

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Going through the “downloads” folder of the images on my computer and realizing I had over a dozen pictures of republican presidential candidates stored up made me realize that I may be focusing a bit too much on the political side of things lately. Sure, it’s easy and it gets eyeballs on the website but I’m really not a political comedian and this is supposed to be a comedy blog. Let’s get back to the business of writing straight up comedy.


Now while writing for this blog is certainly fun for me there’s no money in it. I know there’s usually an ad at the bottom but I don’t see a penny from those (it all goes to wordpress) and my talks with Rush Limbaugh’s people about sponsoring his line of iced tea on the site are going nowhere.


Yes. It's a real thing. Yes, it's called "Two if by Tea" and yes that's Rush dressed as Paul Revere.




There is money to be had for writing comedy on the internet though. I’m a big fan of cracked.com


I really only put a pic of the logo on here so it'll show up on the link when I post this on facebook.




and while Cracked has it’s own staff and columnists, a lot of their content is generated by user submissions. Read enough and you’ll see that the submissions that get picked all follow a pretty specific pattern. That pattern is

1) Numbered lists.
2) Something do do with either science or history.
3) Make it sound cool, sexy or badass.


With that in mind, here’s the titles of some of the Cracked articles I’m working on to submit at the moment.


The 5 Most Unusually Sexual Zeppelin Disasters in History
Oh, the eroticism!

7 Scientific Discoveries That Were Predicted by Hanna-Barbera Cartoons
Jabberjaw was a modern day Nostrodamus.

The 6 Most Badass Toddlers in History
These tiny tykes could kick the shit out of you and still have time for an afternoon nap.

4 Ways Science Has Proven That Bears are Smarter Than Most People
Can YOU catch a fish with your teeth?

5 Famous Video Game Characters Based on U.S. Presidents
That’s actually Teddy Roosevelt under Master Chief’s Helmet.

The 7 Most Sexy Science Badass History Lists
Badass science and sexy history!


Don’t get me wrong. I read Cracked all the time and I’d write for them in a heartbeat. I just think it’s fun to come up with fake Cracked article titles. In fact, leave a comment with your best fake Cracked article headline and I will pick one winner and make a full article about your headline to post in the blog (Disclaimer: I get to change the number if it’s a fact based headline or if you’re a dick and use some number like 5,000)!

Ugh. Mitt Romney.

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Well, according to MSNBC, Mitt Romney is pretty much assuming he’s got the primary in the bag and unless there’s some big upset from Santorum, Romney does have the primary in the bag. Looks like it’s going to be Romney vs. Obama for the general election and I’m not pleased.


Half the shit I do on this blog is political and I have to say during the primaries, I’ve really had fun ripping on Santorum and Gingrich but that’s because their crazy has personality and flair! Look at what the other guys are bringing to the table –


Santorum
* thinks sperm are people
* thinks women are things
* thinks gays are demons
* think’s Obama’s a nig – uh
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeaA8nkiWdk&w=420&h=315]


Gingrich
* Cheated on his first wife. Divorced her when she had cancer and married his mistress.
* Cheated on second wife. Divorced her and married The Joker.

She looks like a harlequin baby all growed up (go ahead and google image search "harlequin baby". I dare you).


* Tried to get Clinton impeached for cheating
* Probably cheating on his wife right now as you read this.


Ron Paul
*Wild Card! Is he racist? Is he crazy? Nobody knows the true story because nobody takes him seriously enough to actually do some serious investigation on him.

I know he likes biking. That's all I got on him for sure.




Look at that! A tree full of low hanging fruit for a lazy comedian like myself to pick at my lesiure but what am I stuck with? Mitt Romney. What’s he got going for him?

* He’s out of touch because he’s a super rich guy (but I already covered that).
* He’s Mormon and that’s weird but nobody seems to want to talk about that.


In a perfect world it’d be Michele Bachmann running against Obama but here I am stuck with dumb ol’ Romney. I might as well go back to writing my vampire detective novel.

Ugh. Even his picture on wikipedia is boring.

I Have Created a New Game.

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The game is to see how many comments in a foxnews.com article that has nothing to do with President Obama do you need to read before somebody says something bad about President Obama. I call it “how many comments in a foxnews.com article that has nothing to do with President Obama do you need to read before somebody says something bad about President Obama”.


The name needs some work, I’ll admit. Let’s play!


Article: Mega Millions Sales Soar With $540M Jackpot.

Comments read before Obama’s bashed: 22 (all comments are read from top down (most recent).

Comment: With “0” in power some of you have 401ks, gold, silver, classic cars and rich relatives. The rest of us have the lottery!!

Relevence to original article: Somewhat.

Relevance to Obama’s policies: Uhh… I don’t know. Personally, my stock of gold, silver, classic cars and rich relatives hasn’t surged since Obama was sworn in so… what?


Article: Mastercard Warns of Possible Security Breach.

Comments read before Obama’s bashed: 8

Comment: looks like Obama’s buddies are getting campaign $$… ha ha

Relevance to original article: Sorta? I guess he’s saying Obama’s campaign contributors are committing the credit card because… they’re liberal?

Relevance to Obama’s policies: None, unless Obama signed a law saying credit card fraud is legal? Ugh.


Article: Alabama Nightclub Starts “Food Stamp Friday” Promotion.

Comments read before Obama’s bashed: 14 (I really thought it would be fewer. There were plenty of comments bashing liberals and one referring to black people as “koons” but 14 before Obama was mentioned)

Comment: oh well…… I guess I’ll try one of those “Obama Bombers…” with cheese!

Relevance to article: Eh. I guess he was saying that would be one of the menu options available with food stamps?

Relevance to Obama’s policies: Well, Obama created food stamps so…


Article: California Woman Blames McDonald’s For Forcing Her Into Prostitution

Comments read before Obama’s bashed: 1! This was the 2nd comment! A new record!

Comment: am confident this woman will find many California lawyers who are bigger w h o r e s than she is.
Maybe a call from the White House, and a complimentary hoodie will help her out,

Bonus Comment!: (checked back in the comments section 2 minutes later and this one was posted) This lady(?) has to be a liberal. They never do anything wrong. It’s always the fault of someone else. Right out of oinkbama’s playbook.

Relevance to article: Okay, pretty relevant. They’re both saying she’s suing McDonald’s because she’s liberal.

Relevance to Obama’s policies: Fucking zero. I love how the first comment even threw in the “hoodie” line referencing the Trayvon Martin case.


Stay classy, fox news comment section!

so fair and balanced.