Tag Archives: holidays

Easter Around the World!

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Easter is coming and this Sunday kids all over America will look around their houses for baskets filled with chocolate and brightly colored eggs and pet baby chickens that will be abandoned in less than a month.


While we all know about American Easter traditions like the bunny and Easter Basket and Egg Hunt, different cultures celebrate Easter in different ways all around the world. Here’s just a sampling of how Easter is celebrated in different parts of the globe.


Easter Bilby (Australia)

The Easter Bilby is pretty much just the Australian version of the Easter Bunny. The bilby is actually endangered due to feral rabbits (which I guess are actually a pretty big problem in Australia?) and the whole concept of the Easter Bilby is used to bring awareness to this tiny holocaust led by rabbit nazis (and sell some chocolate while they’re at it).


The Dingus (central Europe)
I really can’t find a funnier way to describe this than the wikipedia article does so I’m just going to copy/past the description. “In Poland, Hungary, Slovakia, and the Czech Republic[5] traditionally, early in the morning boys awake girls by pouring a bucket of water on their head and striking them about the legs with long thin twigs or switches made from willow, birch or decorated tree branches”.



Happy Easter, bitch! Hope you like leg welts!





Easter Monday is basically pledge week at the Alpha Beta Czech house.



You can check the article for a full, lengthy and boring explanation on why that’s done but I can sum it up for you. Some weird Pagan rituals got mixed up with some weird Christian rituals and this is what happened. Speaking of weird Christian rituals –



The Resurrection of Jesus Christ (Rome)
In Vatican City, people go to church every Easter Sunday to celebrate the resurrection of the Son of God

also everybody wears bright round yellow hats.


They pay tribute and relive his suffering at the cross by sitting through an hour and a half Catholic mass. They then celebrate the joy of his resurrection by going to a fancy brunch.


There’s so many ways different cultures celebrate the holiday. One of my favorites is the tradition of the re-enactment of Wayne Gretky’s battle with the Wendigo but I’ll save that story for Canadian Easter in August. Happy Easter, everybody!

President’s Day

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President’s Day began as a celebration of George Washington, the first Commander in Chief that led colonists to victory in the Revolution, oversaw the Constitutional Convention and served two terms as our fledgling nation’s first president. Over time, the celebration included Abraham Lincoln. The man who held this country together as the secession threateaned to tear it apart while he apparently fought vampires. While eventually the meaning of President’s day has evolved to encompass the office of the Presidency and all who hold it, these two men still embody the spirit of the holiday with their values of patriotism, sacrifice and great deals on bedroom furniture.


"I cannot tell a lie. You shan't pay any interest on this desk until February 2013!"




Today we honor George Washington, who rallied the Continental troops after a series of devastating defeats from the British showing that we would settle for nothing less than independence and 50% off red tag items at Kohls.


We honor Abraham Lincoln, who fought for the ideal that all men, black and white, should be free from the slavery of a down payment on a new Kia.


We honor all Presidents, past and present, who hold the highest office in America and offer the lowest prices on power tools at JC Penny.


[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUkIqP-YHBQ&w=420&h=315]

Thank you, Presidents Washington and Lincoln. Your sacrifice was not in vain.

So Much Funukkah: A Goy’s Guide to Hanukkah

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Tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah and while people of the Jewish faith light the first candle of their menorahs, give gifts, play games and recite prayers Christians all over America scratch their heads in confusion. Where’s the Santa? Where’s the tree? This isn’t Christian at all! What’s with the funny candleholder and the spinning top game?

It can all be very confusing to those of us on Team Jesus and let’s face it, ignorance of other cultures is kind of an American tradition but fear not because below is a handy dandy guide to the “Festival of Lights”!


SPELLING
You’ve no doubt seen it spelled more than one way in your lifetime. While Wikipedia prefers the spelling “Hanukkah” but recognizes Romanized spellings like “Chanukah”, the blog joemaller.com compiled a list of 16 different spellings according to google hits –

Hanukkah
Chanukah
Hanukah
Hannukah
Chanuka
Chanukkah
Hanuka
Channukah
Chanukka
Hanukka
Hannuka
Hannukkah
Channuka
Xanuka
Hannukka
Channukkah
Channukka
Chanuqa

According to wordpress spell check, the only two of these that are acceptable are Hanukkah and Hanuka (Hanuka Mattata!).


HISTORY
Way back in toga times, the Syrian Empire was slaughtering the Jews for the same reason any group of assholes slaughtered Jews throughout history, for being Jewish. They banned the practice of the Jewish faith and even went so far as to desecrate the Temple of Jerusalem by sacrificing pigs at the altar in the name of Zeus. This led to a wide scale revolt led by Judah Maccabee (who earned the badass nickname “Judah the Hammer”). They beat back the invading forces and rededicated the temple. The temple was cleansed and the menorah was lit. The menorah was supposed to burn every night but there was only enough oil to burn for one night. The menorah, however, burned eight nights, just enough time to get more oil. Hanukkah celebrates the freedom this rebellion provided and the miracle of the oil.


MENORAH
The menorah or, as many Christians refer to it, the Jewish Christmas tree, is the most recognizable symbol of the holiday. It has nine candles (eight for each night and one to light the others) and a prayer is said as each one is lit at nightfall. The menorah can come in many different designs and while most are usually understated and humble, even Hanukkah isn’t safe from the horrors of American consumerism.

from the blog randomhandprints. She does a whole series on ugly menorahs. click for the link..




GELT
Chocolate coins! This started out as a Hanukkah tradition where parents would give their kids gifts of money. The American chocolate company Lofts started making chocolate gold coins in the 1920s when they noticed the Jewish communities weren’t really buying a lot of chocolate Santas. Gifts started to be given in place of gelt in America in the 1950s as the baby boomers turned Christmas into a child’s wet dream and Jewish families didn’t want their kids to feel left out but gelt is still a part of the holiday and available at most stores. I even remember getting some in my Christmas stocking as a kid (I think they’re labled “holiday coins” or something at Wallgreen’s).

What's the holidays without a little diabetes?


DREIDEL

Come on, gimel!


The dreidel is a four sided top with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet on each side. Nun, Gimel, Hei and Shin. Together they form the acronym (in Hebrew) for “A Great Miracle Happened there”. You play by gambling with the chocolate gelt or real money if you’re not a wuss. Each player puts a piece in the pot and takes turns spinning. Actions are taken based on how the dreidel lands face up –

Gimel: You get everything in the pot
Hei: You get half the pieces in the pot
Nun: You get nothing
Shin: You put a piece in the pot

I haven’t worked it out yet but I’m pretty sure this can easily be turned into a drinking game.

I just googled "dreidel hat" on a whim. It exists!





For more information on Hanukkah, ask an Adam Sandler song.