As we all know, the Federal Government shut down on Oct. 1. 800,000 federal employees are on unpaid furlough, national parks and monuments are shut down, it’s all the Republican party’s fault and they are losing their fucking minds over it. Honestly, there’s been so many instances of the GOP going completely bananas I’m just going to highlight some of the best moments from this week.



First, Fox News refuses to call it a shutdown, instead calling it a “slimdown” because essential services are still running. After CNN, the Daily Show and all the like had a field day with this, foxnews.com switched to the terminology “partial shutdown” and now the front page only has one meager mention of the entire shutdown.



Then, congressman Randy Neugebauer loses his shit and yells at a park ranger for not letting vets into a WW2 memorial that was shut down because he couldn’t pass a budget bill.



After that, congressman Marlin Stutzman actually fucking said this quote for real to a goddamn reporter –

“We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”



To top it all off, Congressman Tim Griffin actually blamed the president for the violence that went on at the White House today that caused a capitol lockdown



Holy. Fucking. Shit. People.



They gambled, they lost and now everybody hates them and I couldn’t be more happier. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of employees struggling to make ends meet having to deal with the unpaid furlough but this stunt will completely ruin the GOP for the 2014 elections.



So, thanks, crazy republicans! Your whining and bitching in public has made you completely unelectable.

Writing for this site has turned me into a bit of a news junkie. Any day that I’m posting I’ll check the front pages of almost every major news site and a few local ones just to find stuff to write about. Last week I didn’t post due to work, comedy on the road and dealing with the whole divorce transition thing. In that week I didn’t really check up on the news. This morning I go online and THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT IS SHUTTING DOWN.



In case you haven’t heard, the government has to pass a spending bill by the end of today or the government will shut down. This normally mundane bill keeps getting rejected because the Republican led House keeps writing stuff in the bill to kill Obamacare while the democrat led Senate keeps saying they won’t pass a bill that has any language that would hurt Obamacare. These men and women, all people with expensive law degrees who hold almost the highest and most respected offices in the land, elected by majorities of thousands and millions of people, are playing a stupid fucking game of chicken that will shut down the government and we’re letting them.



Why? Why are Republicans still fighting this tooth and nail? Is Obamacare really that bad that you have to take it to the Supreme Court (unsuccessfully), tried to pass 42 Obamacare killing bills (unsuccessfully), hold a 21 hour quasi-filibuster (unsuccessfully) and now hold the whole government hostage? I understand how conservatives wouldn’t love Obamacare but is it really worth all this? What is so fucking bad about this health care bill? Let’s take a quick look at some of the popular arguments against Obamacare



SMALL BUSINESS WILL HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR EMPLOYEES TO PART TIME BECAUSE THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO INSURE THEIR FULL TIME EMPLOYEES OMG
Okay. This is one of those parts that most everybody will agree is a bad part of the Affordable Health Care Act (I can only type “Obamacare” so many times in a row before it feels stupid). Small businesses will have to provide health insurance for their full time employees. Some of them can’t afford that and one way to work around it is to cut them down to part time. But according to obamacarefacts.com only 0.2% of businesses have more than 50 full time workers and don’t already offer insurance. Also, the employer mandate was delayed until 2015 so that can’t be the reason…



HOLY SHIT NAZI SOCIALIST HEALTHCARE HITLER!

This one’s really not a widely held belief but it’s big enough to where there’s plenty of crackpot websites out there comparing Obamacare to Nazi Germany’s health care plan and comparisons to Obama and Nazis sprout up everywhere from pictures like the one above to Ted Cruz’s speech comparing his fight to fighting Nazis. But this is just the wacko conspiracy freak belief, this can’t be what’s driving the fight…



OBAMACARE MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK
Here’s the thing. If Obamacare is such a rotten idea, the Republicans would actually stand to benefit if it passed and was a huge disaster. Next year’s elections would be a landslide victory over the Dumbocrats who plunged us into a socialist death panel hell, right? Threatening a government shutdown proves that the Republicans in congress have no problem burning down their own homes for the insurance money so why would they fight so hard against something that could be a huge help for them next election?

Because Obamacare might work.

Imagine that Obamacare passes (and it will) and little or none of the horrible things we were warned about happens? What if overall healthcare spending went down because fewer uninsured people go to the emergency rooms leaving the rest of us with the bill? What if hospital visits overall went down because more people have access to preventative care? I really don’t know how Obamacare is going to play out but if people love it, that’s going to be a huge blow to the Republicans who tried so hard to kill it and they’ll feel that next election.



Whatever the reason, a government shutdown is probably going to happen for the first time since 1995. Don’t worry, though. Congress and the President will still get paid during a shutdown. They deserve no less with all the hard work they do.

You may have noticed there haven’t been any YoungNotions posts this week. Don’t worry- there will be more funny coming at you next week. YoungNotions will be back.

But without me.

Bill will be taking over posting on a Monday – Wednesday – Friday schedule. The website is his now, and all things you do (or don’t) like from here on out will be entirely his.

I may guest post from time to time. Expect them to be rare, and not for a while.

YoungNotions started in March of 2011. It was a concept we came up with to keep writing. Keep trying to produce more work, keep writing and sharing funny stuff, regardless of how perfect it is or isn’t. It’s been our shared baby. Even though you see more content from Bill, making the website go, social media, sponsorship, turning YoungNotions into a brand… those have been primarily my drives for the site.

One of the things I have always loved about our marriage has been our ability to produce delightful comedy together.

When Bill and I talked about sharing a life, we decided that we weren’t going to have children. Instead, we were going to have comedy babies. And we did. This was one of our first. Together, we also gave birth to some Marriage web videos, some sketch work around town, shared hosting duties, and the Young and Fearless sketch comedy show.

YoungNotions has been a source of great pride for me. The blog has been a consistent Reapie winner, gets thousands of hits a month, and provides consistent topical commentary and satirical humor. It has readers from around the world.

As I said on Facebook earlier this week, the divorce overall has been simple. Dividing up our things is easy. Maintaining a friendship is natural.

But giving up on our shared creative projects… giving up on THIS has been hard. It seems silly, but I’ve cried over it’s loss in my life. It’s not just a personal pride, but a shared one that’s come to symbolize much of our marriage.

Bill and I talked about sharing it, continuing on with joint custody of our beloved child. But there have been some issues sharing it. It brushes up against buttons that affected our marriage, and we don’t want those same buttons to affect our friendship.

Besides, Bill lives in a way better school district.

So I’m leaving this blog in Bill’s incredibly capable hands. I’ll be around… I’m still managing the website, for as little as it needs managing. But on the whole, this baby is no longer mine.

Thank you all for reading the comedies here and feeding my baby with your comments and shares. Thank you for the kind words. And thank you so much for your continued support.

Make sure to keep reading this blog, and check out my current projects as well. I’ve got the site jenayoung.com, where I not only have all my productions and some of my other pastimes displayed, but I’ll post whatever random bits I happen to find worthy. Not just comedy, but inspiration, thoughts, opinions, and shows. Mostly shows, I bet.

Hell, maybe I’ll look for other writing opportunities. There are so many places looking for articles… places willing to pay, even.

Maybe I’ll even become a Cracked whore.

Let’s beat the bush right in it’s stupid bush face. We’ll beat it with a stick lined with brass tacks to really hammer in that we’re getting straight to the point. We’ll get right down to the business of beating the bush with brass tacks, solidifying the fact that we’re not straying from the thing that we set out to talk about.



I’m not going to take forever to get to the point because I fucking hate when people do that. Especially when that person initiated the conversation. Unlike those assholes, I understand that your time is valuable and I’m not going to waste it talking in circles. Stupid, unnecessary circles that have no reason for existing that just get conjured up because somebody who is talking to you can’t simply spit it out! It’s infuriating!



See, that’s why I’m a straight shooter. I don’t dance around subjects because I don’t want to waste people’s time. If I got something to say, I just up and say it. No bullshit, no dilly-dally. It’s just the way I was raised and it’s just how I am. I don’t mess around.



When I talk to you, I’m going to talk about the thing I set out to talk about. I’m not going to take you for a ride full of twists and turns to eventually get you to the subject I wanted to talk about, It’s a straight shot from point A to point B.



My point is this: I’m doing a show at the Comedy Corner Underground this Friday and Saturday with the delightful Kathleen O’Brien, Richard Simones and Robert Fones. I’d love to see you there. You can get tickets online here and/or check out the facebook event where I wrote a fanciful fake description of the show here. Shows are Friday at 8:00 and Saturday at 8:00 and 10:00.



See, isn’t everything just easier when you cut the bullshit?

There will come a day when I’m not a regular contributor to YoungNotions. I may guest once in a while, possibly once a week or so, but this website is really Bill’s baby. It’s very kind of him to allow me visitation rights.

But we are still going to work together on comedy projects, including our rather popular “Young and Fearless” sketch comedy series.

And YOU can be a part of it, too.

Young and Fearless works on a collaboration basis. We accept submissions of sketches from contributors based on a theme. Bill goes through them, accepts or denies scripts based on comedy, fit, and whether or not the premise is sound.

He spends a couple weeks working with the writers to polish their sketches. We get a lot of new writers who have never written sketch before, and it’s a great opportunity to work with a writer who’s been in the sketch business for over 10 years.

After the sketches are finished, I work with a team of players to produce the sketches. A couple of my players have been in every show, and I usually get a few new people each production. I like working with my actor’s strengths, and generally cast on variety of abilities.

The next show will be “Young and Fearless: A Night at the Movies” November 15th at 10pm. We’re accepting sketch scripts for both live and film sketches (for people who want to produce their own film sketch to be shown at the theater. We have some resources available, but we do not generally produce film sketches). If you have an idea for a sketch that takes place in a movie theater, please submit your first draft by Monday, September 23rd to youngfearless@fearlesscomedyproductions.com.

It all starts with you, writers, so get those sketch ideas in! youngfearless@fearlesscomedyproductions.com

September 17th is, as absolutely nobody knows, Constitution Day. This holiday is widely not celebrated by anybody in America. It’s rich traditions have not been passed from generation to generation and children all over the country never anticipate to wake up on September 17th for what is nobody’s favorite or even 2nd, 3rd or 4th favorite holiday.



For those of you who are unfamiliar with the history and practices of Constitution day (re: everybody), here’s just a few of the official government sanctioned ways to celebrate this fine and festive holiday!



Founding Fathers Cosplay
For one day a year, putting on a powdered wig, pantaloons, itchy wool overcoat and tricorner hat isn’t just for those stupid Tea Party whackos!

Why stop there? You can mix it up and dress up as a sexy Founding Father! Slutting up costumes isn’t just for Halloween anymore!







John Hancock it the fuck up!
Just like that crappy horror movie that came out. One day a year all graffiti is legal as long as you are just signing the name “John Hancock” as large as you can.



Pinch Anybody Who doesn’t recite all 4,543 words of the Constitution when you ask them to.
It’s like St. Patrick’s Day and green but less drunk. Or, if you’re like me, just as drunk.



Go to France and get some prostitutes pregnant!
It was good enough for Ben Franklin to do. Are you saying you’re better than the man that invented the lightning rod, the modern volunteer fire department, bifocals and a flexible urinary catheter? No? Then go impregnate some French hookers to honor his memory!



Happy Constitution Day and God bless America!

We’re gonna change things up a little today here. While I was pretty much done talking about the whole divorce thing and didn’t want to make it seem like I was milking this for attention and creative fodder, my sister texted me the other day saying she had written a blog on my divorce. She forwarded it to me, I really liked it and decided there was no problem milking this for attention and creative fodder so for the first time in the site’s history we have a guest post! Thanks for writing this, Mandi and enjoy the feeling of satisfaction of knowing your writing is being seen by literally dozens of Jena’s renfest friends!



So My Brother’s Getting a Divorce by Mandi Hicks



That’s right folks, you read correctly, my brother is getting a divorce.



Typical.



As if my inferiority complex weren’t cemented by being both the youngest child and the only girl, now this asshole is getting a divorce?
There’s no competing with that kind of event!!!



My family is sure to shower Bill with loads of attention and there’s only so much to go around people. I need to protect my share!
You may be asking yourself, why don’t you just get divorced too? Believe me friends, I considered this. I admit, it would be an excellent opportunity to provoke the validation of my family by forcing them to choose whom to love and support most, but alas, I fear what I might find and my sickening co-dependency (a sure byproduct of living life in Bill’s fame grabbing shadow) will not tolerate such a separation. That, and my husbands a pretty cool guy.



But never fear adoring and sympathetic audience! This girl knows how to think outside of the box! Using my abnormally large and magnificent brain to storm, I produced several brilliant strategies to combat Bill’s pathetic self-indulgence.



An intentionally unsuccessful suicide attempt, fake pregnancy, stripping, gender transition were amongst my ideas, all paths would surely lead me to success but ultimately, I settled on adopting a meth habit. After all, there are some really nice treatment facilities in MN. Perhaps even Bill himself would make time to visit me on family day. That is if he and Jena can taking a break from rimming each other while exalting how much they still love and respect one another. Way to be all mature, kind and loving (jerks). You know who else manipulated through inspirational messages? Hitler.



Knowing what needed to be done I made my way to the south metro to get my hands on some meth. On my way I stopped into Don Pablo’s and that’s where I met him. Like an oasis in the desert he appeared before me. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m SO pleased to introduce you to New Bill!!

Of course! Why didn’t I think of it sooner?!?! I could just kill Bill and replace him with a New Bill! New Bill could call off the divorce, thus eliminating the threat to my share of family attention.



Sure, killing Bill and replacing him with his nacho cheesier duplicate is going to be a lot of work but I’m confident it will be worth it. After all, he comes with great reviews.



“He saved me from Meth!” – Amanda Hicks



Not to mention he throws some wicked awesome birthday parties.







Enjoy your spotlight while you still have it Bill Young. Oh and Steve Young, I wouldn’t get to comfortable.