September 17th is, as absolutely nobody knows, Constitution Day. This holiday is widely not celebrated by anybody in America. It’s rich traditions have not been passed from generation to generation and children all over the country never anticipate to wake up on September 17th for what is nobody’s favorite or even 2nd, 3rd or 4th favorite holiday.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the history and practices of Constitution day (re: everybody), here’s just a few of the official government sanctioned ways to celebrate this fine and festive holiday!
Founding Fathers Cosplay
For one day a year, putting on a powdered wig, pantaloons, itchy wool overcoat and tricorner hat isn’t just for those stupid Tea Party whackos!
Founding fathers like Abraham Lincoln and Uncle Sam.
Why stop there? You can mix it up and dress up as a sexy Founding Father! Slutting up costumes isn’t just for Halloween anymore!
all credit goes to publius-esquire. Click the image for the source and even more Founding Father pin-ups!
John Hancock it the fuck up!
Just like that crappy horror movie that came out. One day a year all graffiti is legal as long as you are just signing the name “John Hancock” as large as you can.
Pinch Anybody Who doesn’t recite all 4,543 words of the Constitution when you ask them to.
It’s like St. Patrick’s Day and green but less drunk. Or, if you’re like me, just as drunk.
Go to France and get some prostitutes pregnant!
It was good enough for Ben Franklin to do. Are you saying you’re better than the man that invented the lightning rod, the modern volunteer fire department, bifocals and a flexible urinary catheter? No? Then go impregnate some French hookers to honor his memory!
Happy Constitution Day and God bless America!