Tag Archives: bacon

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So yesterday there was a lot of this on facebook today and yesterday-



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It’s an equal sign. The new symbol that gay rights advocates are using to signal their support for marriage equality by changing their facebook profile pic. I don’t know why it’s red and pink. Why didn’t they go with rainbow?



You’ve probably seen plenty of similar pics, disambiguations and parodies, too. Even Grumpy Cat’s getting in on the marriage equality –



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Honestly, I thought this was kind of dumb. The embodiment of slacktivism. Click a couple of buttons and you think you’re on the level of the people who marched on Selma. Vice posted a piece on the uselessness of it



As the day passed, though and friends expressed how they knew changing a profile pic wasn’t going to influence a supreme court decision but it might spark a discussion with somebody who was opposed to gay marriage. At the very least it’s a small show of solidarity to their gay friends. When I started thinking about it on those terms my cynical little heart grew three sizes. As I scrolled down my timeline and saw almost nothing but red equal signs (or something close to that) it made me feel good to see so many people showing their support, even if it’s just on facebook.



Hell, I’ll even change my profile pic. I’m changing it to the bacon one, though. Because bacon.



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Make Up and Other Breakfast Foods

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I apologise for the slight tardiness of this blog. But really, I can’t stop staring at these eyes.

This is not a new Final Fantasy game….

This is Anastasiya Shpagina, a 19-year-old who loves to play dress up… as anime. She loves to walk around with a friend of hers that does her make up as Barbie, and they walk around together as real life characters. She even does a tutorial on the YouTubes where she shows you how to do the eyes.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/0mrJRa1QUUQ]

I’m actually super impressed. I thought that maybe she had done some weird surgery or something to get GIANT ANIME EYES. (note: I am not Chris Kluwe, that is not a replacement for swearing). But it’s all make up. That right there takes true artistry. She uses and blends makeup in a way that gives here the appearance of an altered body. Not my thing, but I can appreciate it.

As opposed to these crazy Japanese people who are getting saline injections to make it look like they have bagels stuck in their foreheads.

I tried to be fair… this was the prettiest bagel-head I could find.

I don’t get it. I mean, I might not be the most punk person out there. I have no tattoos, and the only things pierced on my body are my ears. But I can understand wanting a belly ring. And some tattoos are absolute works of art that you get to carry with you all the time. I can appreciate that.

But I have never turned to someone and said “baby, you know what would make you look prettier? Breakfast food embedded in your forehead.”

I want to know what’s next? Cereal elbows? Pancake breasts (also my nickname in high school)? Bacon Belly?

Well, okay. I can see how someone would be attracted to bacon belly. Mmmmmmm……….. bacon.

All the Bacon.

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Last weekend I went out for my friend Josh’s bachelor party. I had a few drinks and ended up getting a ride home from my friend Brian. I always knew that Brian was a nice guy but that night I discovered he is an angel sent from bacon heaven to spread delicious pork related joy to all around him.



I got in his car that night and he took a five pound vacuum sealed slab of bacon and threw it on my lap and said “do you want this bacon? This restaurant I work for gave it to me a while back and I’m never going to use all of it.”



You’re goddamn motherfucking right I want that bacon. Look at that bacon –

Jared with TheBacon. Once the adoption paperwork goes through they will be brothers.





So much bacon. Think of all the things I can do with this bacon now that I have it. I could –


*Slow cook the whole slab and videotape myself eating it in one sitting, Man vs. Food style. Die almost immediately.

* Hang it off a rack and get in shape punching it.

* Carve it into a bacon sculpture. Try to get a new Minnesota State Fair tradition going. Bacon sculptures sound way better than butter sculptures (sorry, dairy farmers!).

* Throw the giant slab of bacon at criminals’ heads. Fight crime as the superhero “The Baconator” or, if Wendy’s sues, “Baconman”.

* Cut into strips, wrap myself in the strips and go out on Halloween as a Bacon Mummy. Spend all night running from dogs.

* Cut up and package, share with the wife and boy (boring!).


Whatever I do with it, one thing is for certain. I have so much bacon. So much…

Pardon me while I laugh maniacally for ten minutes straight.




Bacon!