I love the English language. It’s complexities, it’s fluidity, it’s brashness in not adhering to its own rules, how you can just make up words because FREEDOM!!! First amendment, free speech, and all that.

Just remember- with free speech, sometimes you get what you pay for.

In the Young household, we tend to speak in internet, because we are all nerds and one of us is a teenager. Lots of memes quoted, talking in ERMAGERD, chat words…. If someone came over, they might not know what we’re saying, or how to talk to us.

Thank God we have the internet to help people speak internet.

The internet has all sorts of translators out there. I’m going to highlight just a few using the following sample text from this post:

It’s like 4am on Sunday last year, and I had been drunk damn near the whole weekend starting Thursday. I helped a friend with a bottle of tequila, and Matt comes by with what I think was a Dr. Fixit, so of course I drink that as well. It was Matt’s first time experiencing CON full on, and we ended up in CONsuite, looking out from the balcony, watching the nerds do their nerd things, and having a conversation about what CON was.

I left in as much of the translation as I could take.

FOR THE INTERNETS:
The ERMAHGERD translator– ERTS LERK 4ERM ERN SERNDER LERST YER, ERN I HERD BERN DRERNK DERMN NER TER WHERL WERKERND STERTERN THERSDER….

The lolcat translator– IT’S LIEK 4AM ON SUNDAI LAST YER, AN I HAD BEEN DRUNK DAMN NEAR TEH WHOLE WEEKEND STARTIN THURSDAI. I HELPD FREND WIF BOTTLE OV TEQUILA, AN MATT COMEZ BY WIF WUT I FINKZ WUZ DOCTA. FIXIT, SO OV COURSE I DRINK DAT AS WELL. IT WUZ MATT’S FURST TIEM EXPERIENCIN CON FULL ON, AN WE ENDD UP IN CONSUITE, LOOKIN OUT FRUM TEH BALCONY, WATCHIN TEH NERDZ DO THEIR NERD THINGS, AN HAVIN CONVERSASHUN BOUT WUT CON WUZ.

For the old school nerds, the L337 Speak converter– 17’$ L1|<3 44/\/\ 0|\| 5U|\|D4’/ L4$7 ‘/34r, 4|\|D 1 |-|4D b33|\|…

Lets try some dialects:
Pirate (a little broken)- It%u2019s like 4am on Sunday last year, ‘n I had be drunk damn ta hell near th’ whole shore leave startin’ Thursday. I helped a bucko wit’ a bottle ‘o tequila, ‘n Matt comes by wit’ what i reckon was a Dr. Fixit, so ‘o course I drink that as well. It was Matt%u2019s first the hour experiencin’ CON full on, ‘n we ended up in CONsuite, lookin’ out from th’ balcony, watchin’ th’ nerds do their nerd thin’s, ‘n havin’ a conversation ’bout what CON was.

Cockney– Lawd above! It’s like 4am on Sunday last year, an’ I ‘ad been drunk damn near da whole weekend startin’ Thursday. I ‘elped a friend wiv a bottle ov tequila, an’ Matt comes by wiv what I fnk was a Dr. Fixit, so ov caaahrse I drink what as well. It was Matt’s first time experiencin’ CON full on, an’ we ended up in CONsuite, lookin’ aaaht from da balcony, watchin’ da nerds do their nerd fngs, an’ ‘avin’ a conversashun abaaaht what CON was., innit.

Hell, go to the Dialectizer, and you can have your pick!

A couple other fun translator things:
Gizoogle.net- because you’ve always wanted to read YoungNotions in gangsta and be hip with the kids.

Bad Translator– Translates through several different languages til it gets back to you in English completely different. Like the worst game of telephone since the King James Bible.

I’m going to be honest with you kids… my life lately hasn’t been all sunshine and peaches lately. One thing piled on top of the next, some serious stuff, some annoying stuff. Things just keep coming, and it’s hard to bat them all away right now.

I just about had a breakdown when I broke a favorite coffee mug.

But when these times happen, I try to find little things to perk me up. Purchase a silly t-shirt. Dye my hair if it’s in need. Order something off of eBay for $.17. Get a new coffee mug to replace the one that broke. Watch the laughing baby video.

Seriously. I dare you to listen to that amazing belly laugh and not at least crack a smile.

I’ve looked at websites and magazine articles about “75 simple pleasures in life” and other such bullshit. Things like “a gentle breeze” and “walking on grass barefoot.” But those kinds of things never quite work for me.

I know a lot of people relax to flash games, but I often find that if I’m in a bad mood playing popcap games, I’m still in a bad mood after playing. All it does is pass time.

Getting things done is how I feel better. And recently, I found a way to make my life easier, accomplish a lot, save money, and brighten my day a little bit.

Grocery delivery service.

Now, I know these services are thought to be for old people, shut-ins, and lazy wealthy people, but I guarantee you, we are not any of those. Well, maybe shut-in. But not the weird creepy kind.

I was looking into ways to save money. Money is a big issue around here because free-lance doesn’t pay massive amounts, and budgeting has to be tight. And one of the ways money can leak through finger tips is all of those “extras” you get at the grocery store. Things not on your list, but you see and it looks like a good idea. So I thought maybe if I could take the temptation out of getting extras, we could save money. And how do you do that?

Don’t go to the store at all.

I looked around and compared, and found Gopher Groceries. They appealed to me for several reasons. 1) Free delivery over $100, which I can easily do when trying to feed my family of 3 with a teenager growing about an inch a week. 2) Comparable pricing with our local store. 3) Gophers. Having worked at the U of M, I’ve developed an affinity for the little buggers.

I mean, come on! Look at that little guy!

So I signed up and started shopping. I got hungry while shopping and made myself a sandwich. I ate the sandwich while grocery shopping. There were a few items that ended up in my cart that were “this looks good” items, but I paused for about 15 minutes before submitting the order to make sure of what I needed, and ended up removing those items. Without the embarrassment of walking through the aisles to return them or telling the lady at the register that I didn’t need them.

I selected the time I’d be home for them, and checked out. No impulse aisle grabs. The service saved my list for me so I can compare it with future spending and see what we’re really using.

I got my groceries at 4pm yesterday. The delivery guy had me sign for them, and handed me my groceries. Along with the groceries was a welcome gift. A Gopher Grocery mug.

And now I have a replacement for that mug I broke.

I have CONvergence on the brain.

The British are coming! And if you’re lucky…

I’ve got my sleeping situation figured out, I’ve decided on a schedule that I will promptly throw out once I get there, and I’m deciding which booze to bring.

Many of you know that for the past few years, I’ve run the Stand Up! Records party room. I am not this year. Stand Up! Records and I are not having a fight or anything like that… no drama. But when all of us at Fearless were talking about starting up Fearless, I knew we were going to want a party room, and that I was the best person to get that going.

Go to the Stand Up! Records room in their regular spot at 128. They will still have their signature acts and booze. So much booze.

Me drunkenly hugging my friend Ulla at the Stand Up! Records room party as she cosplayed the bee girl from Blind Melon. She had an audio device between her boobs playing No Rain.

Fearless room party at 224 will also have booze. And some other fun stuff I’m not going to tell you about yet. But I promise- you will want to stop by. And often.

Look, the point is- booze.

Last year, I spent all of CONvergence drunk. I went to bed drunk, I woke up drunk, my many SUR minions kept me in the booze. I sobered up when I left to perform a wedding. And then, when I got back to CON, the first thing that happened was that I was handed a wine skin with wine in it. And I drank that wine. And then everything else besides.

It’s like 4am on Sunday last year, and I had been drunk damn near the whole weekend starting Thursday. I helped a friend with a bottle of tequila, and Matt comes by with what I think was a Dr. Fixit, so of course I drink that as well. It was Matt’s first time experiencing CON full on, and we ended up in CONsuite, looking out from the balcony, watching the nerds do their nerd things, and having a conversation about what CON was.

It looked a lot like this:

And in my drunken stupor, I waxed philosophical.

I made a very elegant speech about how beautiful it was that these super nerds could all get together in one spot and be honest about their nerd in a non-judgmental place. That they didn’t have to have the best cosplay costume, but that the people here valued the love and effort put into it. That we were surrounded by people being true to who they were, and experiencing unbridled fandom in its purest form. And isn’t that glorious?

I got a standing ovation. People threw flowers. I won and Oscar for it. I then made the best thank you speech based of of the speech I made, and won an Oscar off of that.

And then I wen to my room and passed out. Because much like the people around me, I had just spent the past weekend celebrating the thing I nerd out over the most- that has my heart, that is a true passion of mine, that I enjoy honestly and unabashedly.

Booze. Glorious, glorious booze.

If you have the capabilities, watch this:

Look! I’m in a trailer!

I’m in a show called Human Combat Chess with Six Elements Theatre. If you’ve ever been to a Ren Faire, you may have seen this. A giant chess board with people used as pieces. When two pieces are on the same square, instead of the new piece taking the square automatically, the two people fight for the square.

Six Elements has take the concept and modernized it. In this show, I’m part of a Human Combat Chess team (GO CORSAIRS) in a Human Combat Chess sporting league, playing for the title of regional champion. It’s a super fun and intense show. We open tonight, and I highly recommend it.

Picture from last year- I’m on the end in black!

In honor of our opening show tonight, your Fuck Off Friday includes chess games. There are a great number of chess games on the internet. I want to highlight a couple of the… fightier ones. Cause fighting!

First, there’s Ultimate Chess, which makes it sound way more badass than it really is. But it’s still a fun little game, with cartoon characters that kill each other in adorable ways. Fighting doesn’t determine who controls the square, so it plays just like normal chess. But the cartoons are pretty cute, with adorable blood splatters.

There’s spy chess, where you only have a few pieces, but there are items on the board that change play. And yes, the two pieces on a square fight, but the attacker always wins.

But what I really recommend if you can is downloading this Archon emulator from way back in the day. I remember playing this game on the Commodore 64, and loving the change of the game depending on who won. It really messes with your strategy.

So go play some games, and then come out to Human Combat Chess tonight at 8pm at University Baptist Church. Because you’ve always wanted to see these games come to life. And now you can.

As some of you know, I hit my head a few weeks ago. Hard. Enough to where I should have gone to the doctor, but didn’t, because being an at home, free-lance actor and computer person means not having health insurance.

Also, it really didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. I mean, sure. I spaced out for about an hour afterward. But then I was fine. A little dazed, sure. But that’s to be expected. I wasn’t exhibiting any signs of concussion… no dilated pupils, ability to focus, complete sentences and the like. I ran a rehearsal after I hit my head, and we got everything done, and done well.  Although I was WAY more chill than normal.

My cast probably appreciated it.

It really didn’t seem like such a big deal, especially because of how I got hurt in the first place.

Our dining room table is a gorgeous old oak table I inherited from my Great-Grandmother via some second cousins. I’ve had it since Jared was born, and I hope to be able to pass it on to him some day. The table has two leaves that you can expand the table with. Well, these leaves were out and leaned against a bookshelf. Bill had left a laundry basket in front of them, and when I leaned over to pick it up, the basket bumped against the leaves, and I got hit by the corner of two solid oak table leaves.

I told you it was silly.

But, as it turns out, the head injury was a bit more than just a small cut and goose egg bump.

Picture taken after the massive bleeding, but before the goose egg finished forming.

I spent about two weeks just kind of in a very unmotivated place. I slept a lot, was having problem getting myself to do simple tasks. It was like a depression, only without that brooding thought process I normally experience with a bout.

I should back up and tell you all about my brain. You see, I’m a certifiable genius. All sorts of fast processes and logic connections and puzzles happening in my brain all the time. To go to bed, I relax with a game of sudoku.

But like what happens with most people with over-active brains, I also have mood disorders. I’ve been diagnosed with a variety of things over the years, from compulsive lying, to schizo-affective disorder, to borderline personality…. but those were all cast aside as soon as a therapist had a new term to play with. Like dress up with new Barbie clothes.

Bitter? Why would I be bitter about that?

After years of in and out therapy, I found a therapist to actually listen to me and ask me the right questions. It turns out I just had a really shitty childhood and a few brain quirks, resulting in a nice case of cyclothymia (less extreme bipolar) with a huge heaping side of anxiety.

Seriously. If what a therapist is telling you doesn’t seem right, go find another one. I mean it.

I tell you this for a couple reasons. 1) I really think everyone should go get their head checked by a professional once a year. You have yearly physicals, why not yearly mentals? 2) Talking about it is a part of my on-going crusade to de-stigmatize brain issues. So many awesome people I know with mood disorders, but the moment you tell someone you have one, you’re somehow “less than.” Bullshit.

3) Since I got hit on the head, my anxiety is practically gone.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had a wide variety of typically anxiety inducing issues, and have suffered little more than a twitch in the anxiety department. From rush to fiscal to emotional upsets, everything that typically brought me to tears is now suddenly manageable.

I have been cured by a ridiculous hit to the head, which can mean only one thing: I am a cartoon.

Now, could someone get me a rubber mallet and a falling piano?

Did you guys know that Bill and I do more comedy than just this website? It’s true! Sometimes, we each do our own thing- stand up, storytelling, etc. And sometimes we do shows together.

Bill and I produce, direct, host, and perform in a recurring sketch show series called Young and Fearless. We co-produce it with Fearless Comedy Productions. They handle the administrative bullshit, and we make a show.

I really hate administrative bullshit, so it works out really well for me.

Our logo makes me giggle every time.

There are a couple of important things to know about sketch comedy in the Twin Cities. First off, in this theater town of stand ups, improvisers, and thespians, there is precious little sketch. There’s Brave New Workshop, and then there’s a few other sketch groups that do sketch every few months or so (look, when you’re the famous folk troubadour duo Denson and Young, you have to space it out for your fan’s sake. There’s only so much awesome a person can take). But that’s it. For a metro area that prides itself on its theater, we are sadly lacking in sketch.

The other important thing to know about sketch is that no one in this town seems to know what it is.

The way Young and Fearless works is we take sketch submissions from comedians, performers, and… well, anyone. Bill and I (mostly Bill) sift through the submissions to see which are the funniest, which ones best fit the theme, and mostly, which ones are even sketches. We’ve gotten a lot of submissions that are short plays. Scenes that are complex, that have exposition, that have layers . We get submissions that are mostly long monologues, or stories, or even stand up material. But we get very little in the way of actual sketch comedy.

And honestly, that’s a huge part of why YoungNotions and Fearless Comedy Productions decided to start a sketch show. Because we want to help.

We don’t just take submissions and accept or deny them as is. What we do is look them over for places to improve. If we get a story, can it be turned into a sketch? Are there spots that have too much exposition? Can we cut these three inter-weaving concepts down to one?

And I have to be clear here- we do not try to take other sketches and make them fit the YoungNotions or Young and Fearless brand. Bill has a very cartoony way of writing sketch that appeals to a wide variety of people. But we don’t want all our sketch to be cartoony. We want each writer to have their own voice in our show.

Last Friday, we had sketches from 7 very different backgrounds and styles. Some were light and 2 dimensional fluffy. Some were dark Tarantino-ish humor. Some were slow and patient… some were quick and on top of each other. Some writers were seasoned sketch writers. And for many, it was their first time writing a sketch.

It creates a show with variety and dimension that just tickles me. Each audience member has their favorites- ones they connected to better than others. All of them different ones. I can’t tell you how much I LOVE that about our show.

But it doesn’t stop there.

Because there is so little sketch in the Twin Cities, there’s also very little opportunity to perform it. So we cultivate new performers, work with people who have never seen the inside of a two-dimensional show (well, not one that was supposed to be, anyway). People trained to be focused on the deeper meaning, to play various levels at the same time, to tone down their intensity and be real.

We tell them to scrap all that. We want impressionism. We want Monet to drama’s realistic Michelangelo. We want the outline and not the gritty details. And we want their intensity, their one-sided characterizations.

Our last show had a variety of performers from a variety of backgrounds. Some with over 10 years of sketch, some with none. Some who have studied in NYC, some who have a drama background.

One of my players hadn’t been on a stage in over 5 years.

We worked various angles, found the best characterizations, and played to each performer’s strengths. The audience had no idea who the seasoned vets were, or who the newbies might be. All they knew was that we were a cohesive cast providing many and varied laughs.

I mean, isn’t that the point?

So, I say to you, Twin Cities… would you like to learn the art of Sketch? Would you like to have your works performed? Would you like permission to perform a one-sided character?

The next Young and Fearless show will take place at the end of August. It’s “A night at a Restaurant,” and we are looking for sketches that fit a restaurant theme. Though we have a pretty solid group of performers, we are always willing to consider more players. Any interest in performing or sketch submissions should be mailed to YoungFearless@fearlesscomedyproductions.com by June 22nd.

We look forward to hearing from you.

We interrupt this blog post to bring you this important news: Young and Fearless: A Day at the Park is playing at Bryant-Lake Bowl TONIGHT at 10pm, co-produced by YoungNotions and Fearless Comedy Productions. There will be sketch and stand up comedy. If you like to laugh, you should be there. Tonight, 10pm, Bryant-Lake Bowl. We now return you to your regularly scheduled YoungNotions post.

Last year for Christmas, Jared and I made dry fruit jars for my family. Layers of dried fruit in a jar. I had thought about doing those Cookie Ingredients in a Jar, where you layer flour, brown sugar, chocolate chips, etc into a jar in a visually pleasing manner.

It’s like sand art for adults, only with the excuse of being “productive.”

But here at YoungNotions, we’re all about not being productive. Especially on Fuck Off Friday, where you’re supposed to get past those last few hours of work until your precious weekend as painlessly as possible.

Lucky for you, the internet has a solution. Falling sand games. All of them are the same principle, with little pixels of color falling from the top of a box, and you’re provided some tools and options for interacting with those pixels. Let’s take a look:

This is what I think of as the original falling sand game. Three types of “sand,” no extra tools- just the ability to draw lines for walls with your pointer, and a spinny disk to randomly destroy said walls. Like a katamari, it get’s bigger the more sand it rolls up. This is beginner level sand play.

This is the next level: you get 4 streams of sand, all with different properties, a little spinny disk, and more tools. I’m a huge fan of the plant tool to create, and the fire tool to destroy.

This one, from bored.com, is another basic game, only without the spinny disk. You can also change fall speeds and grain sizes.

Do you know what this game’s been missing? Little people to torment.

This one has to be my favorite. Dan Ball put together an applet that just does it all. You can add little guys, balls, bubbles, plants, wheels, and all sorts of explody stuff.

I really like the explody stuff.

A masocore video game is one that is difficult. No, difficult is too kind of a word. It’s one with near impossible tasks, with a world of possible mistakes and little redemption. It’s a game that seems unwinnable. They tend to lead to rage quits…. tantrums of excessive frustration thrown by a gamer when they fail at a task.

And you can watch a room full of people play these games and throw these tantrums… FOR CHARITY.

Made by Zalar Creative Design… And he’ll be there, too.

I’m involved with a group called High Charity. This group throws a couple of marathons a year to raise funds for Child’s Play Charity. Child’s Play provides game consoles and other toys to children’s hospitals.

Picture this: A little girl is diagnosed with leukemia. She’s in the hospital, going through an awful ordeal. but the room has an XBOX 360. Video games. This is a thing she knows. This is a way to pass the time she needs for her body to fight cancer. It’s a distraction. It keeps her from focusing on all the needles and doctors. It brings a bit of normalcy to a horrid experience.

Child’s Play provides that console, with money raised by various gamer groups running marathons and collecting donations.

How does our Masocore Marathon work? Simple- the more you donate, the longer we have to play frustrating games for your amusement.

The games we’re playing are:
I Wanna Be the Guy
La Mulana
Bit Trip Runner 2
N+ Co-Op
Super Meat Boy: Dark World

We play these games, and they’re live-streamed to our website HighCharity.org, where you can watch the marathon and chat with the gamers.

Now, as we play through these games, you can donate money. When you donate, you can pick your favorite games, and at certain intervals, we will play the game that garners the most donations.

You can also donate money to buy us a drink if you’re feeling sympathetic. Or think we’d be funnier drunk (you would be right).

We will also have various auctions, raffles, and rewards.

And if that isn’t enough, there will be special guests throughout the weekend. Apropos of Nothing will be there. Mr. Skullhead of Kingdom of Loathing will be there. the Glovers from Vilification Tennis, Fearless Comedy, and Geeks Without God will be there. The Choosatron (and its creator) will be there. Local talent from around the twin cities will be there. Ridiculous Puppets will be there.

Can a puppet play video games? Maybe we’ll find out.

So, starting at Noon today, we play videogames. Pop on over and watch me play games and throw a tantrum.

For the children.