Slacking on the Job Taken to a Whole New Level

My job isn’t very easily defined. I’m 1 part homemaker, 1 part learning coach for an online student, 1 part YoungNotions managing person, and 2 parts Fearless marketing director.

As a marketing director, I spend a lot of time online. On our website, on Facebook promoting events, on Twitter. For YoungNotions, I’m doing the same, but only promoting 1 company, not 7. On top of writing half the articles (ahem). As a learning coach, I log on to my son’s online school to record attendance and keep up with his classes. Even as a homemaker, I’m online looking up bread recipes.

My point is, I have found ways to spend the majority of my time on the internet that I love.

I made it myself!

I made it myself!

What I have NOT tried in my quest for more internet time is to outsource my job.

ABC (which is fast becoming my favorite in wacky news) reports that a man (ABC calls him Bob) was caught personally outsourcing his job to China. He was getting rave reviews from his managers on his incredible work. All the while, some dude in China was getting a 6th of this guy’s paycheck for doing all his work.

It was going so well, Bob started doing the same thing with a couple other companies. So when he got caught at this one, several other dudes in China lost their jobs.

And what was Bob doing with all that free time? Stellar reporter Julie Gerstein from “The Friskey” found the answer:

9:00 a.m. – Arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours. Watch cat videos.
11:30 a.m. – Take lunch.
1:00 p.m. – Ebay time.
2:00 p.m – Facebook/LinkedIn updates
4:30 p.m. – End of day update e-mail to management.
5:00 p.m. – Go home.

This is absolutely deplorable. He should be ashamed of himself. All that free time, and not one minute of Twitter or Steam.

And Just What Was He Expecting?

Gentlemen, listen up. This could save your life. No shit.

Here’s the full story: A guy by the handle of CappnPoopdeck posts a “rage comic” (note- I’m old an un-hip. I just don’t get rage comics) to Reddit. The comic, shown below, poorly drawn as all rage comics are (I think this is my issue with them. How lazy. Put a little pride into your art. Spend some time on it. Make it worth it. It just makes me so angry!!!) ANYWAY, the comic shows a guy finding a pregnancy test, pissing on it, and getting a positive result, to which he declares that he is pregnant.

Is he the father or the mother?

Ha ha. Funny funny. Everyone knows that dudes can’t get pregnant. That test is bogus, he’s not really pregnant, and what a good laugh.

Only, Reddit’s not laughing.

The post starts getting comments about how how a man getting a positive result on a pregnancy test could indicate that he has testicular cancer. What a pregnancy test measures is “human chorionic gonadotrophin” or “hCG.” This is a hormone given off by trophoblast cells that enable the embryo to attach itself to the uterus. Apparently, the cells that start testicular, uterine, and some forms of ovarian cancer are almost indistinguishable from trophoblast cells. This causes the hCG hormone to be produced, and therefore readable on a pregnancy test.

**We at YoungNotions would like to remind the reader that we are only doctors in the fake way people call themselves doctors and not in anyway capable of making diagnosiseses or giving out any kind of medical advice whatsoever. We would also like to state that a negative reading does not mean you don’t have cancer. If you are in doubt as to your medical condition, PLEASE go see a doctor. We like having readers.**

Science is fucking fascinating, kids.

Anyway, CappnPoopdeck had created the comic about his friend. He told his friend to get checked out, and the doctor discovered early testicular cancer that they were able to take care of the same day. CappnPoopdeck’s follow up comic is posted below.

Reddit saves lives.

On a completely unrelated note, I just bought stock in EPT.