Security Flaw in Google Chrome Discovered.

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Bill

The Huffington Post recently reported it’s much easier to get somebody’s passwords than you think. All you need to do is go into their google chrome settings via chrome://settings/passwords and all your saved passwords will be displayed. Personally, I never have Chrome save my passwords anyway since I only have one easy to remember password (pissparty69) but this could spell trouble for people who save sensitive passwords on chrome and let people they don’t completely trust use their computer.

This is just one of the many security flaws that have popped up for Chrome over the years. Here’s just a few of the flaws that it’s had in the past that google has since fixed.

Pressing alt+f7 with browser open turned webcam on whenever adult content is playing and sends a link to the streaming video to everybody in your gmail contacts.

Any 16 digit number copied onto clipboard set to default paste.

All twitter DMs sent from verified accounts forwarded to Gawker.

Google+ showed google search history during the two weeks everybody used google+

ctrl+shift+b posts to every social network that you’re logged into that you’re totally searching in incognito mode.

Googling “pressure cooker” would send police to your home to question you (oh wait that actually happened).

When questioned about fixing the flaw, a representative from google rolled his eyes, made a jerking motion with his fist and said that they were going to get right on that because they really feared losing users to Internet Explorer.

Newly Unveiled Lab Grown Hamburger is Single Greatest Threat to Humanity.

Posted on August 5, 2013 by Bill

Scientists have recently grown a batch of hamburger meat in-vitro. If production could be scaled up and cost driven down, lab grown meat could replace beef from cattle altogether. This could potentially be great news for the environment as the 1.3 billion cattle on the planet use a lot of water and produce tons of greenhouse gases through the production of methane.

That’s right. Cow farts are killing this planet. True story.

While this could be a great sign for the environment this could potentially spell disaster for humanity. We, as a species, need to keep eating cows if we’re to survive.

Cattle were one of the first animals to be domesticated by humans about 10,000 years ago. Why were they among the first species to be domesticated by early man? Because they were the greatest threat.

People knew the danger posed by cattle if they weren’t tamed. These are 1500 pound beasts with horns we’re talking about. By keeping them docile, penned and full of antibiotics we’re safe but once the need for old fashioned meat dies out these cows and bulls will be released into the wild. With nobody to keep them penned up and fed they’ll have to wander further and further for food, all that walking turning fat into lean muscle. Without careful, supervised breeding taking place different breeds will reproduce. Individual traits from the breeds will mix making stronger, more resilient offspring. After just a few years the gentle giants we so graciously released into the wild will turn from this –

aaawwwwwww.

to this –

Holy shit!

These reawakened beasts will storm our cities, remembering the millennia of torture and confinement we’ve inflicted on them. They’ll tie up the testicles of the men and ride around on their backs while squeezing the milk out of the women’s breasts. The only people who will be spared will be the Hindus who have been kissing the cows’ asses, knowing this day may very well come.

Please. Eat as many hamburgers as you can. For the love of God, eat meat if you want humanity to live!

The Pope Said What About Who This Time?

Posted on July 29, 2013 by Bill

Francis isn’t your homophobic, anti-intellectual, draconian great grandfather’s Pope.

First he stunned the world by stating that atheists are OK as long as they’re good people. Now he said that gays are cool, too.

Well, not exactly. When asked about homosexuals becoming priests and the supposed “gay lobby” at the Vatican, he said “When I meet a gay person, I have to distinguish between their being gay and being part of a lobby. If they accept the Lord and have goodwill, who am I to judge them? They shouldn’t be marginalized. The tendency (to homosexuality) is not the problem … they’re our brothers.”

Granted, he didn’t come out and say “homosexuality is not a sin”. Homosexuality is still considered a sin in the eyes of Catholicism and it could be construed that the only way out is to become a priest and not have sex at all but this is still a step in the right direction and EXTREMELY open minded by Catholic standards.

While many are applauding his progressive-by-comparison views, facebook and twitter are full of people who think they know the Pope’s job better than the Pope –

There’s a lot of armchair popes out there.

I’m glad that Francis seems to be taking the Church in a new direction but I think he should be careful. He’s doing what no Pope has done before and there’s a reason it hasn’t been done before. You know what they did with the last non-judgemental guy who tried to preach unconditional love and forgiveness?

didn’t end well.

Dangerous Rape Victim Released From Dubai Prison.

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Bill

In a bizzare turn of events, the Vice President of the United Arab Emirates has given a full pardon to Marte Deborah Dalelv, the Norwegian criminal who was apprehended by the authorities after showing up to a police station and reporting that she had been raped. .

The decision to pardon the rape victim have stunned residents of the UAE, a country where rape victims are generally imprisioned or fined without issue.

The rape victim has said she will return home to Norway but was told that she is free to stay in the UAE as long as she no longer tries to tell people if she is sexually assaulted.

While a majority of UAE residents believe this is an isolated incident, a growing number of residents are becoming afraid that this may embolden more women may try to report rapes.

Men normally have nothing to fear from a woman reporting a rape, as the woman can be charged with many different crimes for reporting sexual assault. Anything from making false statement to drinking alcohol or having sex outside of a marriage. However, as was in the case of Marte Deborah Dalelv, her rapist also had to be imprisoned for drinking alcohol and sex outside a marriage. Had he been sober and unmarried he would have merely been charged with the much less severe crime of “illegal sex”. He could even deny that they had sex and he would be charged with nothing.

While Dubai residents are relieved that the rapist has been released from his unjust imprisionment, many are worried that there’s a rape victim roaming the streets. Some activists are calling on the Federal Supreme Council to pass a law to create a sex offense victim registry database to keep track of these dangerous individuals and to alert residents when a rape victim moves into their neighboorhood.

Others are determined to not let fear of rape victims run their lives. One citizen was quoted as saying “I’ve been raping my whole life and I’m not going to stop because I’m afraid I’ll get reported. As soon as you stop raping, that’s when the rape victims win.”

Who is John McAfee?

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Bill

Usually when somebody thinks of the titles “software developer” or “computer pioneer” this is what they think of –

the mouse-over text for this pic on the Bill Gates wiki is literally “a middle aged caucasian man wearing business attire and glasses”.

People think of nerds. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie. Bespectacled geeks who look like they spend all their time hunched over a monitor. No time for a social life, these guys need to sacrifice their hygiene so we can have all the wonderful technology we enjoy today.

Then there’s John McAfee.

John McAfee was one of the first people to make virus combating software. After working as a programmer and developer for places like NASA and Lockheed, he founded his own antivirus company in 1987. A few weeks ago he made this video.

Huh.

Okay, that was pretty funny. Not sure what the point was but obviously he’s trying to set up some fake Charlie Sheen-esque persona with the whole snorting generic bath salts through a crazy straw surrounded by guns and strippers –

You’d think a millionaire like him could afford name brand bath salts.

I guess he’s trying to juxtapose his actually nebbish personality since he’s a nerdy computer guy, right?

Wrong.

If you want to read some crazy shit just go to the section of his wikipedia entitled “legal troubles. Apparently, after selling off his company he moved to Belize to write books about yoga and bang 17 year olds. The police raided his home on suspicion of drug manufacturing and possession of an unlicensed weapon. He fled the fucking country because he was listed as a person of interest in the shooting death of one of his neighbors. The prime minister of Belize said McAfee was “paranoid. Bonkers, even”. He was caught in Guatemala and faked a heart attack in jail to avoid extradition. Now he’s living in Portland and making youtube videos with strippers.

So why did he make that video? To promote his website which seems to serve three purposes. To post conspiracy theories, give moral support to Edward Snowden and to promote the biography, graphic novel and documentary he’s making about his life. The biography is being written by George Jung. That name might sound familiar to you because he’s the cocaine baron that was the basis for the movie “Blow”.

No big deal. We all have that buddy of ours who’s an international drug lord.

Holy shit, dude. Are all computer pioneers like this? Is Bill Gates sporting a “thug life” tattoo under that sweater vest? Did Steve Jobs fake his death to elude the Yakuza? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ABOUT NERDS ANYMORE.

Mexico is Fatter Than us?

Posted on July 9, 2013 by Bill

Growing up I was always told that while us Americans think we’re the best at everything, we’re actually far behind other countries in many aspects. 13th in education, 33rd in life expectancy. As I got older, I learned the only things I could ever rely on America being number 1 at were CEO pay, imprisonment rate and obesity.

Turns out even that absolute is being turned on it’s head because Mexico has passed us as the fattest country in the world.

But… that’s our thing. We’re America.

The McGuire twins. Joint secretaries of state from 1971-1978

There’s just no way Mexico can be fatter than us. Cheap Mexican labor is one of the things that helped us become the fattest and laziest country on earth. Mexican immigrants sweat and toil in the kitchens of our all-you-can-eat-buffets so we can shove greasy fat into our gullets as fast as possible! How did they surpass us?

I have a couple of theories.

1: The Doritos Locos Taco.

Personally I’m a softshell only guy. Make that a double decker and we’ll talk.

Over 500 million Doritos Locos tacos have been sold since their inception. While some of those sales can be attributed to Americans we can all agree that most of those were probably bought by Mexicans since Taco Bell is Mexican cuisine.

2: Republican conspiracy.

Conservatives would love nothing more than Mexicans to stop crossing the border illegally into the United States. Rather than trying to help improve the conditions of their home country or making the legal path to citizenship more attractive and illegal occupation less attractive, they claim the only way to stem the tide is by building a wall or something.

You know what’s easier than building a wall and more profitable? Selling Mexicans so much junk food in Mexico that they get way too fat to hop a fence or swim the Rio Grande on their own.

Smuggling via transport would be harder as well since fewer people would fit in a truck and when the border guard stopped them all the panting and wheezing would tip them off.

The only flaw in this nefatious (that was originally a typo but I left it because it totally fit) scheme is that once the heart attack rates in Mexico skyrocket, they’re going to try to find a way to trim down and what better way to drop some pounds and make some money than to do some landscaping work in the Estados Unidos? The immigration problem will take on a whole new chubby, sweaty face as illegal day labor will be the biggest Mexican workout craze of the decade. If you thought Walmart parking lots had a lot of fat people before…

Well, at least we still have the most people in jail. Nobody’ll ever take that from us. USA! USA!

Michele Bachmann, Make my Birthday Wish Come True

Posted on May 30, 2013 by Bill

Dear Michele Bachmann:

Yesterday I heard that you wouldn’t be running for re-election in 2014. Some people are disheartened by this news. Others are not. You always have been a polarizing figure in politics and the reaction to your news yesterday just further proved that.

Now, I’m not here to gloat, make fun of you or speculate as to why you’re leaving today. I just wanted to bring up an interesting point I heard on NPR yesterday and make a suggestion.

NPR was reporting the details of your announcement and bringing in various pundits from both sides of the fence to discuss what it meant now that you’re leaving and to speculate what you’d do next. At one point it was brought up that you still have campaign funds of approximately $1.9 million. Now, legally you can’t just write a check for yourself since you’re dropping out of the race but those funds do exist and there are certain things that you can do with them. You could use them for legal defense fees in the ethics investigation currently underway, you could use them for another political campaign for yourself or perhaps to support some other republican’s campaign or you could donate it to charity.

Here’s a suggestion. Donate it all to charity.

Sure you could spend the money on lawyers or to prop up another republican campaign but think about just donating it all to charity. What better legacy could you leave? What better swan song than to take your war chest and use it to help an organization that’s out there only trying to do the most good? I’d suggest a completely apolitical organization. Something that has no left or right leanings like feed my starving children. It’s a christian organization but their only goal is to bring food to hungry kids around the world regarless of faith.

The best part of this? No liberal can give you shit for this. I certainly wouldn’t and I’ve taken jabs at you at every available opportunity in the last two years. Liberals would almost be forced to admit that it was incredibly generous of you to donate your campaign funds to charity when you could have easily used the money elsewhere.

Today’s my birthday, Congresswoman Bachmann. All I want is for you to donate your campaign funds to charity.

That and some donuts but you don’t need to help me there.

Fitching the Homeless.

Posted on May 16, 2013 by Bill

Everybody loves a good villain. Somebody that everybody can agree is a huge jackass. This week’s jackass is Michael Jeffries, CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch.

Jeffries is the current target of the internet’s collective hate due to an old interview that recently resurfaced where he said some pretty fucked up things about who is and isn’t supposed to wear A&F clothes –

[W]e hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that.
In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.

The whole “attractive, good looking people” remarks were instantly recognized as meme-able since Jeffries looks like he’s had… a few plastic surgeries. Like, so many plastic surgeries that he’s probably had to fly to Mexico for the last couple of facelifts because American doctors won’t touch him anymore. totallylookslike.com has made more than a few comparisons of him to some famous people –

Okay, Rocky Dennis and Sloth are a bit of a stretch but the Face of Boe comparison is actually pretty spot on.

In addition to that, there’s a strict “no fat chicks” policy at A&F so they don’t make XL women’s sizes and one manager said that they don’t want to see poor people wearing their clothes. This prompted somebody to start a new campaign to “rebrand” A&F”.

Pretty clever, right? Some homeless people get new clothes and A&F gets a hearty “Fuck you!” Everybody wins, right?

Wrong! Apparently there’s now online backlash against the backlash against Abercrombie! Backlashception!

There’s a lot of blogs pointing out that while Mike Jeffries is a total douche, the “Fitch the Homeless” video is using homeless people as props and exploiting them to prove a point. Even a lot of comments on the video point out that a much more effective protest would just be a simple boycott but I’m not so sure.

I understand why people would think that the homeless people are being exploited. One could easily think that the Fitch the Homeless campaign is trying to make A&F look bad by putting it’s clothes on the ugly, dirty, gross, sub-human homeless but is that really what’s going on? By giving A&F clothes to homeless people is the Fitch the Homeless campaign trying to make the company look bad or are they saying “Abercrombie doesn’t think you’re good enough for these clothes. We disagree.”

Whether it’s righteous or not, the Fitch the Homeless campaign has got the attention of Abercrombie enough to have them issue a bullshit non-apology on their facebook –

The only way those quotes could’ve been taken out of context is if they were an answer to the question “What is something horrible you would never say?”

Ultimately, this will all probably blow over and Abercrombie will survive because most people willing to pay $40 for a pink t shirt that looks like it’s been through the wash 100 times just to look cool isn’t really that interested in social justice.

To be fair like .05% of the profit goes to the sweatshop that made the shirt.

Senator Branden Petersen!

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Bill

I don’t know if you guys saw the news but marriage equality is being signed into law today by Governor Mark Dayton. After the House didn’t fuck it up it was predicted that the bill would pass the senate pretty easily since they have a DFL majority but nobody was completely sure until the votes were cast and they did it.

We won.

My first impulse in writing about this is to just shamelessly gloat about this victory to the opponents of marriage equality. Just rub their noses in it. Maybe make a big satirical post about how I’m turning into a lustful cockmonster and want to marry a horse or whatever but I’m not going to. I’m sure there’s plenty of completely bullshit reasons on why some people want to treat homosexuals as second class citizens but I’m not going to change anybody’s minds by ridiculing them.

Besides, nothing I say could beat the pure, simple awesomeness of Laura Thompson’s now famous photo-

So gay.

What I would like to do, however, is acknowledge two Republican State Senators for two very different reasons.

I listened to some of the debates before the vote yesterday and it was pretty much what you’d expect. Democrats going to the mic and shouting “love!”, Republicans going to the mic and shouting “Jesus”. One speech, however, took me by surprise. Senator Dave Senjem, a Republican, went up to the podium and said this (abridged).

We’re going to have same sex marriage. I think of people like Bob and Joe, good friends, good people, happen to be gay. I don’t have to understand everythign there is to know about being gay. But they take care of their house, mow their lawn. got a picture from Marge and Jo today, good friends, have invited me to their wedding. As we go forward, I hope through my life I’ve been able to reach out to people like this and say ‘I may disagree with you, I’ve been polite, I’ve been cordial’ . In a few minutes I’ll decide whether I step across this line or not and we’ll find out.

I heard that speech and thought it was really brave of that man to step outside of his party rhetoric and just look at the people around him. There was more to the speech where he acknowledged that the bill would probably pass with or without his vote and he hoped to go to Marge and Jo’s wedding.

He voted “no”.

He voted no because he knew the bill would pass with or without him so he decided to play it safe politically. Bob and Joe may keep their lawn mowed but nice lawns don’t get a man re-elected. He’ll go to Marge and Jo’s wedding but he’ll make a vote trying to keep it from happening. It was a coward’s vote but what should I expect? All but one Republican voted “no” yesterday. The single Republican who voted “yes”?

Senator Branden “Iron Balls” Petersen.

Not pictured: tree-trunk like arms, size 15 feet, set of titanium testicles.

Senator Branden Petersen is the lone Republican who stood up for Marriage Equality yesterday. No bait-and-switch bullshit like Senjem, this guy said ahead of time that he’d vote “yes” and he voted “yes”.

This badass voted his conscience even though he’s a Republican representing ANOKA COUNTY. That’s Michele Bachmann’s stomping grounds. This was political suicide for him but he couldn’t look himself in the mirror knowing he voted “no”.

There’s a lot of people who are responsible for making today’s bill passage possible. Legislators, Gov. Dayton, Minnesotans United, countless volunteers and donors and all should be congratulated. In my mind, though, Senator Brandon Peterson is today’s MVP.

With honorable mention to Laura Thompson.

Today’s Vote For Gay Marriage.

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Bill

The Minnesota House is voting on a bill today that would legalize same sex marriage. It’s been a long, hard road for many people leading up to this day and I only have one thing to say to legislators about today’s vote.

Please don’t fuck this up. Oh God, please don’t fuck this up.

I hate getting my hopes up for these things but it sounds like this bill’s going to pass. I want to just breathe a sigh of relief but this could get fucked up at the last minute and I’m not going to be totally satisfied until the votes are all counted and it’s clear they didn’t fuck this up.

This could be huge. Allowing gay couples the same marriage rights as heterosexuals in this state is not only a step forward for Minnesota, but each state that does this shows this country is moving in the right direction and that it’s only a matter of time before gays have complete equality in this nation. Each step in the right direction counts.

As long as the MN House doesn’t fuck this up.

I cannot stress the importance of not fucking this up enough. If they fuck this up, there will be more and more campaigning, ads, volunteers, debates, lawn signs, ads, hurt and arguments. This issue is not going away and if gay marriage isn’t legalized today it’s supporters will never stop fighting for it.

So don’t fuck this up. Please.

YoungNotions

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