Tag Archives: news

Herman Cain is the Victim of Discrimination.

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MSNBC is reporting that a a fourth woman is going to come forward today to accuse Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain of sexual harrassment. Fox News reported a similar story, stating “Gloria Allred, a well known Democratic donor who has been accused of pretty obvious self promotion in the past is representing the fourth accuser in a political smear against Cain.”



While some people would say that the Fox News story was presented in an obvious attempt to discredit he accusations before they were even made by use of editorializing and ad hominem attacks, I have to agree with Fox on this one. It’s pretty obvious that people are ganging up on Cain and discriminating him simply because he’s a pervert.

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore

Pervert American

 

Herman Cain is a pervert and even though it’s 2011 and years past the civil rights movement, it’s still not easy being a pervert in America.  If you think perverts are treated fairly in this country here’s some statistics that might shock you.



*100% of the rapists in prison in America are perverts.
*Perverts are 100% more likely to be arrested for soliciting a prostitute than non-perverts.
*Once outed as a pervert, it takes the average character actor 15 years before anybody will let him work as Pee Wee Herman again.


In spite of the poor treatments of perverts in this country, Herman Cain has fought his way to the top. Even as people yelled hurtful, anti-pervert slurs like “don’t touch me there!” and “no I do not want to see your penis!”, he plugged away and became the CEO of a large company, radio host, author and chair of the Federal Reserve. People don’t want to see his accomplishments, though. They only seem to care about superficial, skin deep issues like his constant desire to have sex with a bunch of women who are not his wife.


Herman Cain won’t let this stop him, though. He cuts through all that crap and sticks to the issues. Just last week, Cain chewed out an insensitive, prejudiced reporter for even asking about his perversion, asking his chief of staff to “Please send him the Journalistic Code of Ethics”. As we all know, the Journalistic Code of Ethics has a lengthy section on not asking political candidates about perversion.


Throughout all the scrutiny, Cain endures. Perhaps come 2012, we could put aside our differences and vote for our first openly perverted (Clinton doesn’t count. He didn’t come out until in office) president.


Herman Cain. Breaking boundaries both historical and personal.

Amish on Amish Violence

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Myron Miller was lying in his bed next to his wife after a long day of chores and prayer when he heard a knock on the door. He got up and opened it to see three men standing before him. The let themselves in and said “Sam Mullet sent us here, and we’re here on religious business”. They wresled Myron down and took battery powered clippers to his beard, a symbol of his faith. When they left his beard was misshapen and five inches shorter.

Such cruel and sensless beard attacks are becoming more and more common in the Amish communities in Ohio as a new power player in the Amish world is climbing his way to the top. Meet Sam Mullet.

The Don.

Sam Mullet is the head of the “Bergholz Clan” , a splinter group of radical Amish that are responsible for three beard cuttings and two hair cuttings (and a possible nail clipping!).  While Mullet has claimed he did not order the attacks he said he did nothing to stop them.

His influence over the horse and buggy lot has grown so big that former church members and the local sheriff is worried that Mullet is running a cult

Sheriff Abdalla has heard some pretty strange stories coming from the Mullet compound. One came from a man who said Mullet put him in a chicken coop for 15 days in the dead of winter over a religious disagreement. The victim would not press charges.

Abdalla has gone so far to say “”If I were to get a call right now telling me, ‘Sheriff, they’re all dead in the community out there,’ it wouldn’t surprise me,” he said.” which wasn’t at all a leap in logic.

How did this happen? We can’t blame television or music. If anything, Sam Mullet is living proof that people can be giant assholes without the corruption of modern media but do we really need to worry about a suicide cult? I think the non violent thing extends to harming themselves and they can’t drink kool aid unless they harvest it themselves and kool aid bushes don’t grow in northern climates.

Whatever happens, one thing we’ve learned is that a mugshot of three amish men is pretty hilarious.

Strait outta Bergholz! Crazy motherfucker named Jebidiah!

Occupy Umbrellas.

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Lord, it ain’t easy being a cop in Seattle these days.  The city of lights’ (that’s Seattle, right?) boys in blue are being worked to the bone trying to defend the populace from the terror that has become Occupy Seattle.  These sadistic criminal masterminds or “protesters” have done everything from standing around in Westlake park to sitting around in westlake park.





Since this is a free country and the first amendment protects the right to peacebly assemble or whatever the cops just can’t arrest the socialist nazi hippies but thankfully city hall has recently taken to interpreting certain laws as loosely as possible to make them horribly uncomfortable and easier to arrest. The Daily Kos reported that open umbrellas are now illegal to hold unless you are standing.





At first glance that seems like one of those wacky laws that was put in place 100 years ago that cities never bother repealing and never enforce. Stuff you find in some travel size bathroom reader almanac like “it’s unlawful for women to wear Santa Suits” and “it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on your head” (actual laws! thanks dumblaws.com!) but the actual law focuses on not being able to erect “structures” in the park. The City of Seattle’s reasoning is that if you’re standing with an umbrella, you’re just a dude holding an umbrella. If you sit down holding that umbrella, that umbrella is now a house somehow and that house is on city property.





So if you sit down holding an umbrella in a park in Seattle you can be arrested. Some people have.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_cs2b5RA3Y&w=560&h=315]





While arresting people for sitting down with an umbrella is quite an ingenious way to skirt around stupid formalities like “civil liberties”, I think the city of Seattle can create even more laws to get these malcontents to leave honest, god-fearin’ corporations alone. Here’s some suggestions.


– It is illegal to be in a Seattle park with an empty bladder.

– Owners must clean up after their dogs mess with their mouths.

– For everyone’s safety, you must wear a helmet provided by the park when in the park. All helmets are 20 pounds to ensure maximum safety.

Hopefully this all ends soon. I shudder to think what will happen if people keep voicing opinions like this.