Fuck Off Friday: Facebook Ads!

Okay, kids! It’s Friday and that means it’s time to find something fun to do here on the internet to distract us from thinking about the inexorable march of time that will one day consume us all.



…Alright! Let’s make some internet mischief!



I was originally shown this fun little activity by my friend Becca and I’ve been doing it on facebook whenever I get bored. Facebook has those little sidebar ads and you can hide particular ads if you don’t want to see them anymore.



fbads1



When you choose to hide an ad, facebook asks why you want to hide the ad and gives you a list of options to check. One of the options is “other” and you can type any reason you’d like.



fbads3



Any. Reason.



For example, on the above ancestry.com ad I wrote “My family first emigrated to America fleeing Ireland because they were horse thieves. I’m afraid that if I research my family tree on ancestry.com that the descendants of the family we stole the horses from will come to me looking for the descendants of the horses we stole. I’m not ready to give up those horses.”



netflix



On this one for Netflix I just wrote “I AM THE CEO OF BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO”.



GRAINGER



“Before I got married there was this girl I liked but I never asked her out because I was too shy but I’m pretty sure she knew I liked her and now she works for Grainger and I don’t want her to think I’m stalking her.”



threadless



“My horse thieving grandparents were killed by a laser eyed hipster cat you son of a bitch!”



I doubt anybody ever reads these little notes I send to facebook’s ad team (other than the NSA. Zing!) but hopefully all this info is being gathered to tailor ads for me better.



I doubt it, though, since I haven’t received any sidebar ads for horse thief legal defense.

We’re Moving, Kinda

Here’s the deal, kids. We’re moving from the free WordPress blog to our own space on a server. Theoretically, you shouldn’t notice that many changes. But it will be enough for you to come back to us on Monday, look around and say something like “kids, I told you not to throw any parties while I was gone. But there’s a beer bottle on top of that bookshelf you missed. Also, when did we get a 3rd bedroom?”

You didn't even know YoungNotions HAD a logo, did you?

You didn’t even know YoungNotions HAD a logo, did you?

We started YoungNotions almost 2 years ago. I had been toying with the idea of a website where Bill and I could both promote shows, promote our comedy, promote ourselves, and work on mutual projects together. When Bill and I talked about him staying home to focus on comedy, one of my stipulations was that he would write everyday. Be it a script, a blog post, or what have you, I wanted him to write daily.

We set up YoungNotions to fulfill all of that. And for a while, it did what we needed. Bill was posting every day. Well. Most days. Some days I would fill in. But mostly it was Bill writing. We had our performance calendars, I had my acting resume, we had Bill’s stand up clips, and we had our shared projects all under one website. It was our promotional tool, our fun daily performance, a few jokes tossed out for people to enjoy mid-day.

A few months ago, Bill got a day job so I could stay home and pursue facilitating my son’s education. And helping start up a theater production company (Fearless Comedy Productions. Maybe you’ve heard of them). And do some other theater things in the area and still have time for my son. When we made this decision, we had a long talk about what to do with YoungNotions. What role does it fill? What role *should* it fill?

The thing is, both Bill and I love writing for this blog. But it’s not really much of a blog in the way it was originally intended. Instead of being some dude’s random thoughts, we’ve become much more satirical and observational in our focus. We’re both writing now, and very little of it has to do with our home life anymore. And we no longer use it rto promote ourselves.

I took our calendars down months ago and none of you said anything. I also got a haircut and no one noticed. I’m very hurt.

Thing is, we’re not a blog anymore. YoungNotions has become its own comedy site. We went from getting excited over 50 hits in a day to our highest blog post getting over 2,000 hits in one afternoon. We get thousands of hits in a month, from all over the world. We’re regularly getting shared on reddit, digg, stumbleupon, and at least once a month, something one of us does goes viral on Facebook.

I’m not saying that we’ve hit the big time. Far from it. As far as comedy websites go, we’re pretty much the bottom rung of the ladder. But we aren’t “blogging” anymore. Bill isn’t talking about his day job unless there’s a joke to be had. I’ve talked up a couple of charity events lately, but it was obvious that this is not the place for those things anymore.

You kids have come to expect daily noontime jokes to break up your day. And we plan to deliver. Hell, we’re even working on YoungNotions shows outside of the website. Not just Bill and Jena, but YoungNotions shows. As YoungNotions. It really has become its own thing.

So we’re moving to a hosting service. This will allow us to do a couple of things. First, I’ll be able to do more and better customization for the site. That menu thing that’s always bothered me where the spacing was off and the items ran together? I can fix that now. It wasn’t worth it to pay to fix it when we were living in a rental.

And that’s the second thing. Moving will allow us to monetize. Not a lot. Hopefully enough to cover the cost of moving to a server. But those awkwardly placed ads in the blog posts? Well, now I can put them where it best makes sense, and instead of that money going to WordPress for the free hosting, it’ll now go to us to pay for the hosting.

We’ll also be able to set up our CafePress shop so you can purchase cool YoungNotions swag. I’ve already got some YoungNotions logo items available featuring that swanky logo I posted earlier. The thing is, we’ve had that donation button up there for months now, and we’ve received one donation (which, seriously- thank you). But I don’t blame anyone for not donating, because what do you get out of it? Now, a part of the proceeds will go toward YoungNotions, AND you get something for your money. And who doesn’t want a YoungNotions thong?

Soon....

Soon….

Did you just picture Bill in a thong? Oh, well NOW you did… Ugh. This is horribly awkward.

The point is, this site is no longer going to be about us. It really hasn’t been for quite some time. We’re just trying to keep up with the growth of our little baby blog.

Awe, look at it. All growed up and moving out.

There might be some bumps along the way. I believe what I’m doing will preserve subscriptions, but if you don’t see us in your email or feed on Monday, please let me know and/or re-subscribe. I promise we’ll be here, and with 20% less narcissism.

And the awkwardly placed ad is VVVVVVVVHEREVVVVVVVVV I mean, part of the post or no?

Craigslist Job Postings: The Legend Continues.

First off, thanks to everybody who linked/liked/read yesterday’s thing about cookies! Now that a bajillion people are reading this I assure you that I will sell the fuck out as fast as I am able. Maybe I could start doing those annoying blogs that randomly links to products that have nothing to do with the subject matter?


*Note to potential advertisers; I have absolutely no shame and an insatiable hunger for money.


Anyway, enough about the delicious taste of Domino’s new Stuffed Cheesy Bread. Let’s get back to what this blog is all about. Applying for shitty creative job postings on Craigslist!



When I first responded to a shitty Craigslist “talent” job post I was hoping that this could be a weekly thing and though I found a couple other job postings that were awesome/awfully response worthy, I soon found out that most of the “talent” that people were looking for on Craigslist is Bangbus wannabes like Fucktruck, Coozecruise or Chubsub (BBWs getting nailed on submarines. You may remember them from “20,000 Pounds Under the Sea.) looking for women. Seems like according to Craigslist I’m not talented because I’m not a woman who wants to have sex on camera.


Even though the prospects have been thin I still check every once and a while and I think I’ve found a good one.


Seeking Romantic Erotic Fiction For Female Audiences (Anywhere)

Stories should consist of approximately 5,000 words.

The protagonist must be female, perhaps a professional woman (not required), and having interaction with at least one male. Stories should be sexy, sophisticated, and respectful. The stories must have a Happily Ever After ending or a Happy For Now conclusion.
Each story should be written in one of three temperatures: warm, hot or scorching — and indicated as such, according to the following scale:

• Warm: just a reference to a sex toy or bedroom accessory; mild language
• Hot: may be a brief memory of prior use, or somehow an actual experience; descriptive language
• Scorching: actual use during story, perhaps even more than one; explicit language and situations

Stories may be categorized in any of the following sub-genres of erotic romance:

• Historical–takes place in the past
• Contemporary–takes place in current time period
• Multicultural–characters are ethnic
• Ménages`–characters have a relationship that consists of three partners
• Polyamorism–characters have open romantic relationships with more than one person at a time (not the same as having more than one sexual partner, but actual relationships)
• Paranormal–consists of paranormal or speculative elements

However, the following elements will not be considered in submissions:

• Bestiality
• Sex with minors (under age 18)
• Rape, in any form

We are not currently seeking M/M or F/F stories.

Submission Instructions:

• Rich Text format or .doc files, saved as StoryTitle_AuthorName
• 1″ margins all around
• Times New Roman, 12 point font

Initial responses to submissions will be made within three weeks. We look forward to reading your story.

Location: Anywhere
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $75


$75? Ka-ching! I’ve never done it before but I think I can write some steamy, Fabio on the cover romance geared toward a female audience.

The Countess Jacqueline DiMargeruite strolled through the stable as she made her way to her favorite horse. As a woman who came from a rich family but still works really hard so she doesn’t have to rely on her parents because she’s independent, riding her horse on the weekends is one of the few things that can relieve the stress of working a long week as a successful business woman. She eyed Juan, an ethnic man of at least 18 years, brushing the mane of one of the horses.

Jacqueline remembered a hot, brief memory of them together in the past.

She noticed he was brushing the horse’s mane too hard. “You should brush softer. Use long, slow strokes” she said. He thanked her for the good advice. Jacqueline loved the way he could take constructive criticism.

He looked up at her. “Such wisdom and such beauty. Please reconsider my offer to run away with me. I know I am just a stable boy but I’m going to college right now to get a practical degree. Something in business or whatever. I’ll be able to provide for you but you can still totally work if you want to.”

Jacqueline blushed. “You know I can’t.”

“Then make love to me, right now! I brought a flannel blanket to lay down on the hay to make it slightly less itchy.”

Jacqueline cupped Juan’s strong, ethnic chin in her hand. “I’m really not in the mood right now. I’m just so exhausted and this week has been ‘ARRRGGH’, you know?”

Juan firmly grasped her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Of course. I don’t want my lust for you as a woman to undermine my respect of you as a person. Your needs and desires are just as valid as mine.” Jacqueline shuddered as he leaned in close and whispered into her ear once again “Your needs and desires are just as valid as mine”. Juan stepped back. “Would you please lay down on the blanket and allow me to rub your feet? They must ache from wearing high heels all week at your job as a high powered business executive.”

She laid down on the blanket while Juan rubbed her feet for however long was enough, probably a goddamn hour. Then they watched 27 dresses on his iPad.


Pretty hot. Right, ladies? That’s just a sample, too. In chapter 3 he makes her a dinner and then does the dishes and chapter 5 is just 500 words describing him bringing a toilet seat down after using it.