Today is the 12th anniversary of the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. It was the worst attack on American soil in history. It left a scar on this country that even 12 years later, has not completely healed.
On this day, which serves as a reminder of the consequences of hatred, the President will address the nation regarding the trouble in Syria. Locked in a brutal civil war for over two years with a death toll surpassing 100,000, the president will try to make a plan for U.S. involvement. Since the Syrian president has most likely used chemical weapons against his own people, President Obama feels that our hand is forced into action but what action should we take? There’s almost nothing that we can do that won’t make the situation worse somehow. It’s an incredibly complex situation and there’s no easy answer.
It’s on news days like this that I really wish there was something stupid going on in the media that I could mock, just to get my mind off it for a second. Anything.
Oh thank God Miley Cyrus released a skanky ass music video –
Okay, here’s the thing. I’m not really a fan of pop music but this song isn’t really that bad. It’s super emotional and she fucking belts out the chorus as if she just wrote the song about a breakup that happened five minutes ago. The problem is that every time you’re about to really feel emotionally connected to her the video gets so porny it makes Blurred Lines look like an Ani DiFranco song. The video starts with a close up of her crying all “Nothing Compares 2 U” style –
That is some raw fucking emotion right there.
Then she starts dragging a sledgehammer around a cement wall and you know what’s going to happen next –
Sledgehammer. Cement wall. You do the math.
Right as she’s about to swing that fucker with all her might at the wall to show her frustration, to match the intensity of the chorus… She starts making out with the damn thing –
…am I missing some metaphor here?
But then in an act of true heavy handedness, right when she sings “I came in like a wrecking ball / I never hit so hard in love / All I wanted was to break your walls” a literal wrecking ball comes in and literally breaks the literal wall –
Why did she even bring the sledgehammer?
To show her gratitude to the wrecking ball for breaking that wall so she didn’t have to, she takes her clothes off and writhes around on it for a while –
One second you’re a metaphor for communication in relationships, the next you’re nothing more than a stripper pole.
But not before making out with the sledgehammer a little more because she doesn’t want it to feel left out –
Don’t lick that, Miley. You don’t know where it’s been.
Seriously. She gets the fuck down with that sledgehammer –
Is… this song about how she left the sledgehammer for the wrecking ball?
The rest of the video is pretty much just shots of her writhing around in rubble, writhing around on the wrecking ball and licking that sledgehammer like it has a Tootsie Roll center.
I feel like this video started out with a really good director but then he/she got tapped for some other project halfway through and the record label just let the Bangbros finish the job.
Whatever the reason, thank you, Miley Cyrus. Your weird, desperate attempt to convince people you’re sultry has made me forget about the troubles of the world for a few minutes.