I Don’t Think I’m Mom Enough.

So here’s the Time magazine cover that’s got everybody’s panties in a bunch this week –







Okay. All the news articles I’ve read about it say that the kid on the cover is three years old but he easily could pass for five. I don’t know if his mom is taking growth hormones to increase milk production or what but that is one huge three year old.



The article is about “attachment parenting” (the link goes to the AP wiki page. I’d link the Time article but stupid Time magazine wants you to pay to read their stuff). A form of parenting that supposedly fosters better bonds between parents and kids. This includes carrying them around in a sling, sleeping in the same bed as them, stay-at-home parenting and not getting babysitters and breastfeeding when the kid is old enough to unhook his mom’s bra one handed.



You can almost hear a collective sigh of relief from all those parents who make their kids wear helmets at the playground because they’re no longer considered the craziest parents on the block.



Whatever. I’m not going to tell people how to raise their kids but it’s certainly not how I’d go about doing things. In fact, it sounds like a recipe for raising a kid to go all Norman Bates on you. Just look at him –



Stop looking at the hot mom for a second and tell me that kid doesn’t look creepy.





It’s like he’s looking at you just daringyou to take him off that tit. Think about it. He probably asks his mom for food in full sentences. “Mom, can you please lift up your shirt? I’m hungry.”



I’m not sure what the acceptable cutoff age is for breastfeeding but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to have vivid memories of sucking on your mom’s tit as a child.

My Interview With Time’s Person of the Year

The time has come for Time to name it’s Person of the Year for 2011 and this time Time has decided that the most influential person of the year is The Protester.



The Protester takes a brief respite from protesting to pose for the cover of Time




While The Protester has been incredibly busy all over the world protesting things like inequality, injustice and unfairness, The Protester took a moment from their schedule to sit down with me for a brief interview about their new found fame, the art of protesting and their love life.


BILL YOUNG
Thanks for coming. I know you must be busy protesting things.

THE PROTESTER
Thanks for having me! I have been protesting a lot lately. There’s just so much to protest in this world. Keeps a concept busy. Idle hands, you know?

BY
You have been all over the world this year. Egypt, Greece, Libya, every major U.S. city. Where is your favorite place to protest?

TP
Each country has it’s charms, you know? It’s hard to pick. Every place has so much beauty that sticks in my memory. Watching the sun set in Egypt through the smokey haze of a burning cop car. The way the celebratory gunfire would ring through the night in Libya. Greece simply has the best Gyros. I love that cucumber sauce. I’d have to say the U.S. is probably my favorite though because I tend to die the least while protesting here.

BY
Things can get violent for you. You’ve been pelted with thousands of rubber bullets, tear gassed and pepper sprayed countless times, arrested repeatedly and murdered hundreds of times this year alone at the hands of The Police. Do you hold any animosity towards The Police?

TP
Listen, I know that seeing us on the news together that it looks like we must hate each other but The Police is doing his job and I’m doing mine. We’re coworkers.

BY
You do seem to spend a lot of time together.

TP
We work together.

BY
So is there any truth to the rumor that Perez Hilton saw you and The Police at a LA hotspot “sharing drinks, laughs and a quick kiss”?

TP
Like I said, we’re coworkers. Nothing more. I don’t even have time for relationships these days.

BY
So what’s next for The Protester?

TP
Well, I’ll be heading to Russia pretty soon. I know, Russia in the winter, it’s crazy but they have this whole rigged election going on and you go where the job takes you.

BY
Is there any place you wouldn’t protest?

TP
China. Definitely. I’m so needed there but I know when I am not welcome. No thanks(laughs)!

BY
Have any opportunities popped up for you since you’ve been bestowed the “Person of the Year” title?

TP
I am actually in the middle of recording an album right now of all my favorite protest chants. It should drop in a couple of months and it’ll have my chants from all over the world like “OUST!” and “Enough is Enough! Gaddafi’s time is up!”. My favorite to record so far is “This is what brutality looks like!” Kanye West produced that track.



For my full interview with The Protester including recipes, fashion tips and their Oscar picks for 2011 sign up for youngnotions premium when I create it.