Another Response to Craigslist Job Postings!

Every week I search the craigslist job listings under “talent” and “tv/video/film” and while most of them are either porn companies and stip clubs looking for “talent” or student filmmakers holding open auditions for their totally artistic and not at all pretentious project, there’s always some worth responding to. Here’s the latest diamond in the rough –


TLC CASTING EXTREME CHEAPSKATES
Congratulations, Minneapolis!

This morning, you were named one of most frugal city in America. That’s excellent news for your wallet — and excellent news for everyone’s favorite cable network: TLC. Having just completed two awesome seasons of Extreme Couponing, we’re looking for another breed of thrifty genius: the Extreme Cheapskate.

Just prior to new years, we aired a special that featured a man who washed and reused his paper towels, and another who cooked and ate goat’s head all in the interest of saving a few dollars. Now, we’re excited to say that we’ll be making the topic an eight-episode series, and we’re looking for folks who have unique and smart ways to cut corners and pinch pennies.

If you’re interested in being considered, and have some amazing cost-cutting measures that other people will find amazing, don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. To see clips of the special, check out TLC’s website — there are a few videos showing the good-natured and fun look we took into people’s brilliant frugal moments.

For more information about the casting requirements, check out www.michaelpetrella.com/current — all of the relevant details are listed there, but you’re welcome to e-mail from this posting directly.

Compensation: TBD
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.




Here’s my response.



Hi, TLC! I’d say I love your network but I’m actually too cheap to get cable. It’s expensive!

I’ve actually been cheap all my life. I think I picked up the habit from my mother when I was little. She was so cheap, she would clip coupons for the dollar store. I could already tell that I was thrifty at a young age because I never even paid attention.

Now, in adulthood, I’ll do everything to save a buck. I rarely eat out. In fact, when I do go out, I’m so cheap I go to KFC and lick other people’s fingers. My eating habits at home have been affected, too. I actually found that you can save on milk by eating cereal with a fork.

I’ve taken measures around the house to pinch pennies as well. I disconnected the doorbell to lower my electric bill so when people push the button I have to stick my head out the window and yell “DING DONG”. I also never buy new appliances. My TV is so old that it has two channels. On and off. I’m actually so cheap that when somebody came over to my house and stepped on a cigarette butt I asked who turned out the heat.

I should go now. The people at the coffee shop start to ask questions if you don’t buy anything and I’ve been here for four days now. Hope to hear from you soon!

Man, I can’t wait until I’m a big time reality TV star.

Another Craigslist Job Posting!

Hello, boys and girls! It’s time again for the craigslist job posting game! For those of you who haven’t read the previous posts, people post awful “talent” gigs on craigslist and I respond to them. It’s that simple!

Once again we go to the tv/film/video/radio jobs posting for some truely ridiculous low rent reality show fuckery.


MY STRANGE ADDICTION Now Casting! (MN/WI)

Date: 2011-11-11, 2:39PM CST

My Strange Addiction is searching for men and women with strange addictions, compulsive behaviors, and quirky habits or obsessions, who would like to share their stories on this documentary television series.

This program will explore how your addiction developed and how it has been impacting your life.

Your addiction may be serious, silly, strange, or embarrassing, but if it’s affecting your life, we’d like to help. All participants will be provided with professional medical and/or psychological insights, as best fits your situation.

If you or someone you know has a strange addiction, respond to this ad with your name, age, city/state, and a brief description of your addiction or behavior.

We understand that any addiction can be difficult to discuss, and we appreciate you sharing your story with us. All inquiries will be kept confidential. We hope to hear from you soon!





Here’s my response.


Hi. My name is Bill and I’m a 29 year old male living in Minneapolis.

I saw your ad in Craigslist asking for people with weird addictions and I’m not sure that this fits the classic terminology of “addiction” but my family has told me that I am very much addicted and in need of help. I’m a fartaholic.

I can’t stop farting. I refuse to. I fart all the time. I’m farting right now as I type this. I just think it feels good and it’s funny and I love the smell. I tailor my diet to encourage farting with what I call “the three Bs” (beans, broccoli and beer).

It’s destroying my home life. My family refuses to be in the same room as me most of the time and our heating bill is incredibly high since we need to keep a window open most of the time in the dead of winter. My job is at risk as well. I obviously don’t just fart around my coworkers in my office but I take so many restroom breaks to “let one rip” my manager has forced me to undergo drug testing because he thinks I’m sneaking off to do cocaine. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth so I lied and said I only have one kidney and have to pee every hour.

It’s getting dangerous for me, too. I’ve started lighting my farts. It’s mesmerizing but my family’s afraid that I could get hurt. My daughter actually looked at me and said between sobs “Please don’t blow up daddy!” I don’t know what to do.

If you could help me or at least get my story out there so people like me could know they wouldn’t be alone I would be very grateful.


Oh man if I actually land this gig I may have to fart a little more than usual when the cameras are on me.