Tag Archives: muslim brotherhood

All the Cops in the Donut Shop Say “GO BACK TO YOUR HOMES OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO USE TEAR GAS TO DISPERSE THE CROWD”

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The other day, somewhere in Cairo, an old janitor swept up some dirt and rubble into a dustpan. His back strained as he leaned down to pick it up and dump it in a trash can. Once the task was done, he wiped the sweat off his brow and said “there! That’s the last of the mess from the revolution. Now to take a well deserved vacation.” Poor guy didn’t even see it coming.



Shit’s going down in Egypt once again as protests are erupting all over the country over recently elected president Mohamed Morsi issuing a decree that granted him a bunch of new powers. He has stated that the increase in power is only temporary to ensure the smooth drafting and ratification of the new democracy’s constitution.



Because, you know, nothing protects a democracy like giving one man Executive, Legislative and Judicial power.



I’m not sure why this guy thinks nobody’d bat an eye to this. Maybe because he’s the scariest looking politician this side of Putin –



President Brickhouse here looks like Zangief and Wilford Brimley had a middle eastern steroid baby.




Or because he has the backing of the Muslim Brotherhood. Whatever the reason. The people are a protestin’ and now it’s all a question of whether or not there’s going to be a revolution. Could be, since Egypt seems to just love having revolutions. Here’s just a brief look at some of Egypt’s revoltings in the last 100 years.


BRITISH REVOLUTION: 1919
Oh hey England used to own Egypt! Then they had a revolution and England backed off! Just like us! Revolution buddies!

Unlike the U.S.A, Egypt transitioned to a parlimentary monarchy and let British people hang around and run some shit. Bad move, Egypt. You’re just going to have to have another revolution in a few decades. Oh and hey look –



EGYPTIAN REVOLUTION: 1952
Sick of the corruption of their obese, corrupt and narcissistic King Farouk (actual official title: “His Majesty Farouk I, by the grace of God, King of Egypt and Sudan, Sovereign of Nubia, of Kordofan, and of Darfur.”) Farouk was exiled and his infant son Faud was made king. Faud reigned for a year before the Egyptian people realized that having a king is a huge responsibility that they’re just not mature enough to handle. After realizing that the best solution for both them and Faud’s future would be to give him up for abdication, they left him on the steps of Switzerland, rang the doorbell and ran off.



PRINCE AND THE REVOLUTION: 1999
Okay, I was working on a gag for this but the only video I could find for Prince’s 1999 had no sound. Apparently the copyright holders asked to have the audio removed but the video’s still there. It’s actually really creepy to watch in complete silence –



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQu-yU_cAbw&w=420&h=315]



ARAB SPRING: 2011
Oh hey this was the one in the news last year! Now we’re all caught up.



For more information on Egyptian revolutions, read the international news in the next few weeks.


The Jealousy of Michele Bachmann

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Okay. This is going to come as a shock to a lot of you but this actually happened. Michele Bachmann said something stupid and crazy. No lie.



Last week she and four other representatives sent letters to security officials warning that the Muslim Brotherhood may have infiltrated the U.S. government. Among the top of the list, Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin.



Muslim!





Basically, her family members knew people who knew people who are in the Muslim Brotherhood, an organization that Al-Queda hates for not being evil enough.



If she is an operative she must be under the deepest cover ever considering she just had a kid with a Jewish guy.



Of course the allegations are baseless. High ranking republicans like John McCain and John Boehner have gone on record to say that it’s bonkers to think that she’s a terrorist. That doesn’t mean that some people aren’t going to believe Bachmann. Abedin has received death threats since Bachmann opened her crazy mouth and Wes Harris, head of the Arizona Tea Party (“Arizona Tea Party” is a really redundant term. Might as well just say “crazy crazy”)is trying to get John McCain recalled for defending Abedin.



There’s so many reasons why these attacks on Huma Abedin are just completely untrue, she’s a dedicated public servant, close friends with the Clinton family (former Prez. Bill presided over her wedding and Hillary has refered to her as a “second daughter), not to mention she’s way too hot to be a terrorist –



I wouldn’t touch that guy with a ten foot waterboard.


If that’s what terrorists look like she can jihad my evil empire any day.





The real question here is why is Michele Bachmann doing this? Of course she’s crazy and an Islamophobe but that really can’t be enough to try to ruin the name of an innocent woman. I think I know what’s motivating her. Jealousy.



She’s jealous of Huma Abedin. Now, you may ask what she could be jealous of, other than Huma’s intelligence, class, looks and the fact that people don’t roll their eyes every time she speaks. It’s her husband, former Congressman Anthony Weiner.



Bachmann just can’t get over the fact that Huma Abedin married somebody so… heterosexual.



Think about it. You can call Anthony Weiner a lot of things but you can’t call him a closet case. Just ask all those girls he sent cock pics to on twitter. He’s so very straight! To top it all off he’s Jewish (just ask all those girls he sent cock pics to on twitter) which means he’s straight without any help from Jesus! He didn’t even have to pray away any gay! Bachmann takes one look at her husband, who’s one disgruntled masseuse from getting Travolta’d and then looks at Huma’s husband and it sends her into a jealous rage! She can’t handle it so her only option is to try to ruin her.



That has to be it. The only other explanation is that Michele Bachmann is a bigoted, racist whack job.