Tag Archives: keith ellison

Go Out and Vote Today! Or Not. It’s Just the Primaries, Really.

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Today hundreds of Americans will meander lazily to local schoolhouses, churches and those buildings in public parks that are always locked up and when you see them you’re always like “what are those buildings for? They’re never fucking open!” to vote for which candidate they wish to represent their preferred party in the Senate and House.



Also, some district judges and school board spots or whatever.



I went and voted in the primaries this morning –



Proof!





I’ve never actually voted in a primary before because, well… they’re the primaries. Today, however, I was reminded by the Star Tribune that today was primary day and the stars aligned for me to go out and vote because –

1: I don’t have a pesky job to keep me from the polling booth during voting hours (although voting is a great way to duck out of work. I think employers legally have to let you go out and vote).

2: The nearest polling place is a three minute walk from my front door.

3: The U.S. Rep in my district, Keith Ellison, is being challenged by an out of state, fetus fetishizing islamophobe and while I’ve stated that Boisclair has no chance, the Ellison camp seems concerned enough to throw $5 to some facebook ads so I figured I’d put out equal effort-

This is the first time anybody’s ever been affected by a facebook ad ever.





Will you vote in today’s primaries? To find out if voting in the primaries is right for you, ask yourself these questions –

Do you like voting but hate long lines? Or any lines? Do you enjoy the thought of being the only person in the room who is not an election judge?

Do you enjoy free stickers? I only got one but this is the primaries, baby! They’re flying casual today. You can probably get all the stickers you want! Ask for a dozen.

Are you running for school board? Did you know that you can vote for yourself if you’re on the ballot?

Do you live in Minnesota’s fifth district? Is your Representative who’s actually pretty cool and good at his job being challenged by some insane Randall Terry hand-puppet?


If you answered “yes” to any of these questions then voting in the primaries may just be right for you so head on down to your local polling place!



Or don’t. Whatever.

Is Keith Ellison a Baby Murdering, Christian Mutilating Freedom Hater?

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Of course he isn’t. Congressman Ellison is a freedom loving man who has never murdered a single baby and wouldn’t harm a hair on a Christian’s head. Nobody would make such wild accusations against a congressman. If they did, they’d have to be totally bananers.



Oh, wait.


[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlfeUZr3OOc&w=560&h=315]
would you trust a man who swore his oath on a book once owned by Thomas Jefferson?



Meet Gary Boisclair. Gary is running against Keith Ellison for a congressional seat in Minnesota’s 5th district. Gary will lose because Gary’s crazy. If that ad wasn’t enough for you, he did another one about abortions (click here for the ad. The embed code isn’t working for this which is okay since it’s super gross and chock-full-o’-fetuses. I don’t want all those fetii clogging up my blog).



For more information about how Gary’s batshit insane, let’s look at his website, garyinthehouse.com –



Do you think he flirted with the idea of making the domain “garyinDAhouse.com”? I’d like to think he did.




1. Boom. First image on the headline banner? Most candidates would go with a picture of themselves or their family or their campaign logo. Not Gary. Fetus in yo’ face! Ellison kills these! And probably eats them on Ramadan or something! Sharia Law!

2. That “click here to learn more” link? Click it and it takes you to a two page diatribe written by lunatic Randall Terry about how The economy sucks because God’s punishing us for abortions. Really.



Randall Terry screaming at gay people with a megaphone.




3. Oh hey look how all his press releases and news links are only about how awful his ads are and how TV Stations are only running them because they’re legally required to.



I really take comfort in the fact that this guy has no chance of winning. His brand of Islamophobic fetus fetishism might fly in Bachmann’s neck of the woods but Minnesota’s fifth district consists of Minneapolis and a couple of immediate suburbs. Who would even help bankroll this guy’s awful ads?



Come to think of it, I would. I would donate to this guy’s campaign.



Think about it. It’s well established that Boisclair has absolutely no chance of winning. The man’s clearly insane, he’s running as a “tea party Democrat” which just confuses people and he’s spouting anti-Muslim rhetoric in a district that houses 80% of the state’s Muslim population.



Now that we’ve made it clear that there’s no way this guy would win, wouldn’t you want to donate to his campaign just to see the crazy ads he’d make between now and election day?



Think about it. If the christian killing and dead fetus parade ads were just the first two and political ads get more heated and inflammatory the closer it gets to election, where would he go from here? I kind of want to donate just to see if he can make one of Ellison hitting a pregnant woman in the stomach with a Koran or photoshop him in a cave with Osama Bin Laden eating babies or something. I kind of want to see just how far this nutjub will go.



Kind of. I’m not actually going to give him any of my money. Guy’s a goddamn loon.