Today hundreds of Americans will meander lazily to local schoolhouses, churches and those buildings in public parks that are always locked up and when you see them you’re always like “what are those buildings for? They’re never fucking open!” to vote for which candidate they wish to represent their preferred party in the Senate and House.



Also, some district judges and school board spots or whatever.



I went and voted in the primaries this morning –

I’ve never actually voted in a primary before because, well… they’re the primaries. Today, however, I was reminded by the Star Tribune that today was primary day and the stars aligned for me to go out and vote because –

1: I don’t have a pesky job to keep me from the polling booth during voting hours (although voting is a great way to duck out of work. I think employers legally have to let you go out and vote).

2: The nearest polling place is a three minute walk from my front door.

3: The U.S. Rep in my district, Keith Ellison, is being challenged by an out of state, fetus fetishizing islamophobe and while I’ve stated that Boisclair has no chance, the Ellison camp seems concerned enough to throw $5 to some facebook ads so I figured I’d put out equal effort-

Will you vote in today’s primaries? To find out if voting in the primaries is right for you, ask yourself these questions –

Do you like voting but hate long lines? Or any lines? Do you enjoy the thought of being the only person in the room who is not an election judge?

Do you enjoy free stickers? I only got one but this is the primaries, baby! They’re flying casual today. You can probably get all the stickers you want! Ask for a dozen.

Are you running for school board? Did you know that you can vote for yourself if you’re on the ballot?

Do you live in Minnesota’s fifth district? Is your Representative who’s actually pretty cool and good at his job being challenged by some insane Randall Terry hand-puppet?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions then voting in the primaries may just be right for you so head on down to your local polling place!



Or don’t. Whatever.