Tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah and while people of the Jewish faith light the first candle of their menorahs, give gifts, play games and recite prayers Christians all over America scratch their heads in confusion. Where’s the Santa? Where’s the tree? This isn’t Christian at all! What’s with the funny candleholder and the spinning top game?

It can all be very confusing to those of us on Team Jesus and let’s face it, ignorance of other cultures is kind of an American tradition but fear not because below is a handy dandy guide to the “Festival of Lights”!

SPELLING
You’ve no doubt seen it spelled more than one way in your lifetime. While Wikipedia prefers the spelling “Hanukkah” but recognizes Romanized spellings like “Chanukah”, the blog joemaller.com compiled a list of 16 different spellings according to google hits –

Hanukkah
Chanukah
Hanukah
Hannukah
Chanuka
Chanukkah
Hanuka
Channukah
Chanukka
Hanukka
Hannuka
Hannukkah
Channuka
Xanuka
Hannukka
Channukkah
Channukka
Chanuqa

According to wordpress spell check, the only two of these that are acceptable are Hanukkah and Hanuka (Hanuka Mattata!).

HISTORY
Way back in toga times, the Syrian Empire was slaughtering the Jews for the same reason any group of assholes slaughtered Jews throughout history, for being Jewish. They banned the practice of the Jewish faith and even went so far as to desecrate the Temple of Jerusalem by sacrificing pigs at the altar in the name of Zeus. This led to a wide scale revolt led by Judah Maccabee (who earned the badass nickname “Judah the Hammer”). They beat back the invading forces and rededicated the temple. The temple was cleansed and the menorah was lit. The menorah was supposed to burn every night but there was only enough oil to burn for one night. The menorah, however, burned eight nights, just enough time to get more oil. Hanukkah celebrates the freedom this rebellion provided and the miracle of the oil.

MENORAH
The menorah or, as many Christians refer to it, the Jewish Christmas tree, is the most recognizable symbol of the holiday. It has nine candles (eight for each night and one to light the others) and a prayer is said as each one is lit at nightfall. The menorah can come in many different designs and while most are usually understated and humble, even Hanukkah isn’t safe from the horrors of American consumerism.

GELT
Chocolate coins! This started out as a Hanukkah tradition where parents would give their kids gifts of money. The American chocolate company Lofts started making chocolate gold coins in the 1920s when they noticed the Jewish communities weren’t really buying a lot of chocolate Santas. Gifts started to be given in place of gelt in America in the 1950s as the baby boomers turned Christmas into a child’s wet dream and Jewish families didn’t want their kids to feel left out but gelt is still a part of the holiday and available at most stores. I even remember getting some in my Christmas stocking as a kid (I think they’re labled “holiday coins” or something at Wallgreen’s).

DREIDEL

The dreidel is a four sided top with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet on each side. Nun, Gimel, Hei and Shin. Together they form the acronym (in Hebrew) for “A Great Miracle Happened there”. You play by gambling with the chocolate gelt or real money if you’re not a wuss. Each player puts a piece in the pot and takes turns spinning. Actions are taken based on how the dreidel lands face up –

Gimel: You get everything in the pot
Hei: You get half the pieces in the pot
Nun: You get nothing
Shin: You put a piece in the pot

I haven’t worked it out yet but I’m pretty sure this can easily be turned into a drinking game.

For more information on Hanukkah, ask an Adam Sandler song.