Tag Archives: gay marriage

Senator Branden Petersen!

Posted on by
Reply

I don’t know if you guys saw the news but marriage equality is being signed into law today by Governor Mark Dayton. After the House didn’t fuck it up it was predicted that the bill would pass the senate pretty easily since they have a DFL majority but nobody was completely sure until the votes were cast and they did it.



We won.



My first impulse in writing about this is to just shamelessly gloat about this victory to the opponents of marriage equality. Just rub their noses in it. Maybe make a big satirical post about how I’m turning into a lustful cockmonster and want to marry a horse or whatever but I’m not going to. I’m sure there’s plenty of completely bullshit reasons on why some people want to treat homosexuals as second class citizens but I’m not going to change anybody’s minds by ridiculing them.



Besides, nothing I say could beat the pure, simple awesomeness of Laura Thompson’s now famous photo-



So gay.

So gay.





What I would like to do, however, is acknowledge two Republican State Senators for two very different reasons.



I listened to some of the debates before the vote yesterday and it was pretty much what you’d expect. Democrats going to the mic and shouting “love!”, Republicans going to the mic and shouting “Jesus”. One speech, however, took me by surprise. Senator Dave Senjem, a Republican, went up to the podium and said this (abridged).



We’re going to have same sex marriage. I think of people like Bob and Joe, good friends, good people, happen to be gay. I don’t have to understand everythign there is to know about being gay. But they take care of their house, mow their lawn. got a picture from Marge and Jo today, good friends, have invited me to their wedding. As we go forward, I hope through my life I’ve been able to reach out to people like this and say ‘I may disagree with you, I’ve been polite, I’ve been cordial’ . In a few minutes I’ll decide whether I step across this line or not and we’ll find out.



I heard that speech and thought it was really brave of that man to step outside of his party rhetoric and just look at the people around him. There was more to the speech where he acknowledged that the bill would probably pass with or without his vote and he hoped to go to Marge and Jo’s wedding.



He voted “no”.



He voted no because he knew the bill would pass with or without him so he decided to play it safe politically. Bob and Joe may keep their lawn mowed but nice lawns don’t get a man re-elected. He’ll go to Marge and Jo’s wedding but he’ll make a vote trying to keep it from happening. It was a coward’s vote but what should I expect? All but one Republican voted “no” yesterday. The single Republican who voted “yes”?



Senator Branden “Iron Balls” Petersen.
Not pictured: tree-trunk like arms, size 15 feet, set of titanium testicles.

Not pictured: tree-trunk like arms, size 15 feet, set of titanium testicles.





Senator Branden Petersen is the lone Republican who stood up for Marriage Equality yesterday. No bait-and-switch bullshit like Senjem, this guy said ahead of time that he’d vote “yes” and he voted “yes”.



This badass voted his conscience even though he’s a Republican representing ANOKA COUNTY. That’s Michele Bachmann’s stomping grounds. This was political suicide for him but he couldn’t look himself in the mirror knowing he voted “no”.



There’s a lot of people who are responsible for making today’s bill passage possible. Legislators, Gov. Dayton, Minnesotans United, countless volunteers and donors and all should be congratulated. In my mind, though, Senator Brandon Peterson is today’s MVP.



With honorable mention to Laura Thompson.

Fuck Off Friday: Westboro Baptist Church

Posted on by
6

I don’t think any organization pisses me off more than the Westboro Baptist Church. The attention seeking drama whores have appropriated my god for their own gain, using Him to gain power and money over others, as a tool in their business plan of ego. They use my lord’s name in vain and set themselves up as false prophets for profit.

I don’t mean cussing. Fuck that. I mean using the word “god” for themselves, in their own self-righteous vanity. They say “God hates fags,” claiming to know God’s wishes, thinking that they’re so right that everyone one else is less than in their wrong-doing and sin.

They’re so vain, they probably think my god is about them.

What they do hurts me. It affects how people look at me as a Christian, as a bisexual, and as a human being.

And what is the best way to handle hate? Comedy. Comedy can take an awful, horrid thing and make it laughable. It can take the power out of hate, the pain out of hurt. It can point out the indiscretions and stupidity of a group, person, or act and make it less.

First, I give you The 30 Best Anti-Westboro Baptist Church Protest Signs from BuzzFeed.

Not one of the BuzzFeed is this happy sign I found:

DSCF0690.JPG

This cartoon of Jesus telling WBC off in a Family Guy style pleases me:

The Foo Fighters have gained my esteem for this counter-protest:

And I think my all time favorite response to Westboro Baptist Church is this interview Russell Brand:

He’s the perfect mix of listening and attempted discussion, with humor and levity at the ridiculous points (and there are many). He handles the whole thing absolutely flawlessly with grace and decorum and comedy.

I’d bum a fag from him anytime.

I heard a rumor that WBC is contemplating coming to Minnesota to protest our soon-to-be new law letting the gays get married. Frankly, I feel this means we’re on the right track 🙂

But really, let them come. And if they do, let’s not shout back at them with hateful words and angry chanting. Let’s not give them that kind of power. Let’s ridicule the ridiculous with light-hearted cheer. Let’s organize a flash mob with rainbows and glitter. Let’s knock them down with comedy.

Let’s hit them where it really hurts.

Today’s Vote For Gay Marriage.

Posted on by
Reply

The Minnesota House is voting on a bill today that would legalize same sex marriage. It’s been a long, hard road for many people leading up to this day and I only have one thing to say to legislators about today’s vote.



Please don’t fuck this up. Oh God, please don’t fuck this up.



I hate getting my hopes up for these things but it sounds like this bill’s going to pass. I want to just breathe a sigh of relief but this could get fucked up at the last minute and I’m not going to be totally satisfied until the votes are all counted and it’s clear they didn’t fuck this up.



This could be huge. Allowing gay couples the same marriage rights as heterosexuals in this state is not only a step forward for Minnesota, but each state that does this shows this country is moving in the right direction and that it’s only a matter of time before gays have complete equality in this nation. Each step in the right direction counts.



As long as the MN House doesn’t fuck this up.



I cannot stress the importance of not fucking this up enough. If they fuck this up, there will be more and more campaigning, ads, volunteers, debates, lawn signs, ads, hurt and arguments. This issue is not going away and if gay marriage isn’t legalized today it’s supporters will never stop fighting for it.



So don’t fuck this up. Please.

Wait… Gay Marriage Wasn’t Already Mandatory in France?

Posted on by
1

Here’s a thing I just found out that really surprised me. Gay marriage was just legalized in France this week. What surprised me about it was not the fact that the gay marriage bill passed but that it was really fiercely debated. There were protests, riots, police and tear gas. Shit was crazy –



Sacre Bleu! Photo credit: Philippe Wojazer / Reuters

Sacre Bleu! Photo credit: Philippe Wojazer / Reuters





I can’t believe there was such fierce opposition to gay marriage in France because… well… it’s France.



This is fucking France we’re talking about. It’s the San Francisco of Europe. This is the country that’s known for wine, mimes and sexual permissiveness. Their biggest exports are turtlenecks and pencil thin mustaches. How could France not be in full support of gay marriage? It’s France! Their capital city is known as gay Paris! Even the people protesting gay rights there look super gay while they’re doing it!



I checked three times. This is an ANTI gay protest. Photo credit: Kenzo/AFP/Getty Images

I checked three times. This is an ANTI gay protest. Photo credit: Kenzo/AFP/Getty Images





This is the country that brought us the goddamn beret and they’re protesting gay marriage?

Protests or no, France’s gay citizens, which until recently I thought was all of them, can now enjoy the same rights as heterosexuals.

The Voices of the Marriage Debate in MN.

Posted on by
Reply

Yesterday a bill to legalize passed both state house and senate committees and will be put to a full vote shortly. Many people from both sides of the argument provided passionate, heartfelt testimonies both for and against the bill. Here’s one of former legislator Lynn Osterman speaking in favor of the bill –







There you have it. A conservative, a republican, admitting that she voted against her conscience for “political expedience”. Tears welling and voice cracking as she begs those sitting where she sat to not make the same mistake she did. Explaining that her Christian values and conservative views have never made her feel like she has to treat other people’s love as something less than hers. Her words perfectly encapsulate why equality is so important.



Of course, there are two sides to every story. Let’s see one of the most popular testimonies arguing against the marriage bill –







Really powerful stuff here, too. Don’t get me wrong, Osterman’s testimony had a lot of passion behind it but this guy has science on his side. I never knew that AIDS was just spontaneously created by prolonged anal sex or that legalizing gay marriage would increase the amount of gay sex happening. I also didn’t know people with AIDS, a disease we now know is made when sperm is entered into the bloodstream, can turn regular diseases into supergerms that can be passed onto other people and make rashes that can only be cured with a $2,400 antibiotic! This isn’t even a religious motivation or plain ol’ homophobia, he’s just concerned about the well being of the public and rising health care costs!



Now, I haven’t bothered looking up the validity of his claims but he did say some pretty scientific words like “enzyme” so he probably knows what he’s talking about.



I have to admit. They both make some pretty compelling arguments. I’m not sure how I’d vote for this if I was a legislator. This is a tough one.

Gay Thoughts

Posted on by
Reply

Kids, we have a problem. I keep having gay thoughts.

I don’t mean sexual things like making out with chicks, slowly stroking her back, taking in the fragrance of her hair while I caress her body, tracing her curves, exploring the beautiful form that is the female body until we start excessively grunting like two lady players on a tennis court.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/j-_5EDVpLXY]

No, I don’t mean that. I’m bisexual, or “part gay,” so it would make sense for me to have those thoughts. I’m SUPPOSED to have those thoughts. Especially when it comes to tennis.

I also don’t mean all these thoughts I’ve been having about gay rights like the ability to get married to the person you love or not getting beaten to death because someone assumes you’re gay. Hell, not even the right to wear a skirt as a dude or, well, I suppose chicks can wear pants now…. how about boxers? They can? Well shit… um… jock straps? I’ll go with jock straps.

This is a real thing.

None of that is a problem because civil liberties and freedom of expression and not having to fear for your life or safety (physical or emotional) because of who you are should be available to everyone as stated in our bill of rights.

I don’t even mean the thoughts I’ve had about how my religion/spirituality views gay sex. Because Jesus said absolutely nothing on the subject, and any other reference to homosexuality in the Bible is either something from a portion of the Bible that says it’s okay to sell your children into slavery, or words that have been mis-translated from concepts such as “child rapist”.

Really, homosexuality in the Bible has way more to do with children than two dudes having sex.

And this whole MN Marriage Amendment… the gay thoughts I’ve been having about that? Doesn’t bother me. As Bill said earlier, if the amendment gets shot down, it doesn’t mean gay people can get married. It will STILL be illegal for two chicks to get hitched and make each other miserable for the rest of their lives. It still won’t affect a church’s ability to deny a couple the ability to get married in their church for whatever reason they deem the couple unfit.

As an aside, here’s a thing I said on Facebook that’s getting passed around and reposted. Please feel free to do the same:

No church is, or ever has been, forced to perform a marriage they did not approve of. Many of my friends have either had to convert to get married in a specific church, or get married outside of their church because their partner was not of that particular denomination.

And honestly, I’m fine with the idea of civil unions in state and marriages in church. but that’s not how we’re set up. We are set up for heterosexuals to get married by the state, but not homosexuals. If it’s the state doing it, and a group of people is denied the right to participate, it becomes a civil issue.

You don’t want your church to marry the gays? Neat. You go ahead an deny them the right to get married in your church. But you don’t get to deny them a civil right. THAT is what separation of church and state means. It means your church can’t tell the state what to do, and the state can’t tell your church to perform a holy union it doesn’t believe in.

No, the gay thoughts I’ve been having are FAR more sinister than that. It’s the OTHER gay thoughts I’ve been having.

For instance, a gay friend of mine has been going through some financial difficulties, and he’s been thinking of ways he could try to supplement his income. But, OMG, with this switch from me being the bread winner to Bill doing so, I’VE BEEN HAVING THE SAME THOUGHTS!

Also, a lesbian friend of mine was having difficulties deciding what to wear the other day, and I think about what I’m going to wear ALL THE TIME!!!

Also also, a friend of mine got into a serious accident recently, and a gay friend of mine was talking about how scary that was, and how his heart really went out to all his loved ones, and wishing for a speedy recovery. AND I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!

Kids, something has to be done about this. Legislation should be passed to keep the gays with their gay thoughts out of my head, to prevent me from being exposed to sin, and to save me from myself. I can’t even think normally without having the same thoughts as gays.

I guess the only way to save myself from these gay thoughts is to just stop thinking at all.

The Minnesota Marriage Amendment Will Probably Pass. Here’s Why.

Posted on by
8

People who support it don’t know what it is.



I’m not kidding. There are people in this state who are planning to vote “yes” on the Minnesota Marriage Amendment without even knowing what it is. They have an idea, of course. They have the vague knowledge that it’s about gay marriage. The problem is that they think that the Amendment up for vote in the November election is to legalize gay marriage.



I know these people exist because I actually talked with one of them this week.



I was on the road at my new job with my trainer. He was a nice guy but really, really conservative. Like, all over the board. Socially, fiscally, the whole package. As some of you regular readers know I’m really, really liberal. We talked politics for a bit but were able to keep it civil. Making our points and respecting (but not agreeing) to the other person’s opinions. I get into so many ranting political arguments on the internet that I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to have some polite debate.



He did fuck with me a little. He made me listen to Rush Limbaugh as a joke (but also because he wanted to listen to Rush Limbaugh) and we all know how I feel about him. During the local station’s little two minute news segment the reporter said something about how Augsburg College is officially opposing the Minnesota Marriage Amendment and how they’re the first college in the state to take a stance yada yada gay panic. Here’s the conversation we had that followed hearing that story.



TRAINER: A college taking a stance on gay marriage. That’s messed up.



ME: Hey, good for them. This whole “kick ’em while they’re down” amendment is messed up, anyway.



TRAINER:“Kick ’em when they’re down”? Alright, you probably know how I feel about all of this (the subject of gay rights came up in conversation a few times and he didn’t state his opinion, probably out of concern of being viewed as intolerent. He did, however, say things like “well, I’m a Christian so…” or “well, I’m a conservative so you probably know what I think about that”) but what are you talking about?



ME:This whole amendment is just about making gay marriage “super illegal”.



TRAINER:Super illegal?



ME:Yeah, this vote isn’t even about legalizing gay marriage.



TRAINER:Wait, what?



ME:Yeah. Gays can’t get married in Minnesota. When I went to get the marriage certificate with my wife, there was a thing at the bottom that said “is one of you a chick and one of you a dude?” The wording was a little more official but yeah, it’s already illegal to get gay married in MN. This vote is on whether or not to change the state’s constitution to say that gays can’t get married. So, it’s already legal but if this passes it will still be illegal and hey, fuck you, queers.



TRAINER:Really?



ME:Yep. If this doesn’t pass, gay marriage will still be illegal.



TRAINER:Huh. That is really a kick ’em when they’re down thing, huh?


I didn’t press the issue past that. I’m not about to change some hardcore conservative’s views, I’m the new guy at work so I don’t want to get into an argument with my trainer and frankly, I was surprised that I got him listening and thinking about the whole thing.



Here’s the kicker. This guy isn’t an idiot. I’m not about to follow him around with a notebook writing down his quotes but he is by no means stupid. He’s just a regular guy and he thought that this vote was to legalize gay marriage in Minnesota when it really isn’t.



He can’t be alone. How many other people in this state have the same ideas about this vote?



Shit, maybe instead of yelling at people I don’t agree with I should try to have a conversation with them.



There has to be a less confusing slogan than this one.

I Am So Glad I’m Straight.

Posted on by
9

You know what’s awesome? Being heterosexual.



I think one of the best things about being straight is that nobody gives me a hard time for it. Not once in my life has anybody made fun of me for my sexual attraction to women. Nobody hates me because I’m straight. A bunch of drunken hillbilly homosexuals have never beat the shit out of me because they hate straight people. Nobody’s ever belittled me because they’re afraid they might be straight and they can’t deal with that. It’s awesome.



What’s even better about it is that the law is totally on my side. I have never been denied a single right because of the gender of people I like to bang. It’s really awesome! I even married somebody and there’s a bunch of laws set up to give me even more rights and protections because I’m married!



I’m glad those laws are set up, too. I love the woman I married and want to spend the rest of my life with her but that totally isn’t necessary for a marriage to happen. I could hate her guts, never touch her and openly plan to divorce her like two months after the wedding and they’d still let us get married.



It’s not even a religious thing. I could literally wipe my ass with a bible during the wedding ceremony but the state would still file the marriage certificate because we’re a man and a woman.



Anyway, I’m glad those laws are set up. I love my wife and I shudder to think of a world where the government wouldn’t allow me to get married to her. Seriously. Not once during the planning of our wedding did I think “what if we can’t?”. Ugh. That’d be terrible.



We spent a year engaged and nobody ever said we shouldn’t get married because we’re straight. That would have been awful, especially if it was the government saying it.



If the government told me that I couldn’t marry the person I loved, if they told me that I’d never be able to marry the person I loved, I would seriously have no faith or trust in my government. If the people of my state voted on whether or not I get to marry the person I love and they voted that I didn’t, I’d feel like a pariah in my own city.



Whelp, good thing I’m straight and don’t have to worry about any of that bullshit. Can you imagine?



Seriously, though. Fuck you, North Carolina. Fuck your state government, fuck your voters, fuck Governor Bev Perdue and fuck your state bird, The Cardinal.