Tag Archives: elections

Go Out and Vote Today! Or Not. It’s Just the Primaries, Really.

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Today hundreds of Americans will meander lazily to local schoolhouses, churches and those buildings in public parks that are always locked up and when you see them you’re always like “what are those buildings for? They’re never fucking open!” to vote for which candidate they wish to represent their preferred party in the Senate and House.



Also, some district judges and school board spots or whatever.



I went and voted in the primaries this morning –



Proof!





I’ve never actually voted in a primary before because, well… they’re the primaries. Today, however, I was reminded by the Star Tribune that today was primary day and the stars aligned for me to go out and vote because –

1: I don’t have a pesky job to keep me from the polling booth during voting hours (although voting is a great way to duck out of work. I think employers legally have to let you go out and vote).

2: The nearest polling place is a three minute walk from my front door.

3: The U.S. Rep in my district, Keith Ellison, is being challenged by an out of state, fetus fetishizing islamophobe and while I’ve stated that Boisclair has no chance, the Ellison camp seems concerned enough to throw $5 to some facebook ads so I figured I’d put out equal effort-

This is the first time anybody’s ever been affected by a facebook ad ever.





Will you vote in today’s primaries? To find out if voting in the primaries is right for you, ask yourself these questions –

Do you like voting but hate long lines? Or any lines? Do you enjoy the thought of being the only person in the room who is not an election judge?

Do you enjoy free stickers? I only got one but this is the primaries, baby! They’re flying casual today. You can probably get all the stickers you want! Ask for a dozen.

Are you running for school board? Did you know that you can vote for yourself if you’re on the ballot?

Do you live in Minnesota’s fifth district? Is your Representative who’s actually pretty cool and good at his job being challenged by some insane Randall Terry hand-puppet?


If you answered “yes” to any of these questions then voting in the primaries may just be right for you so head on down to your local polling place!



Or don’t. Whatever.

VOTE.

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Hello. As some of you may know I am running for an office. I have spent many years as an activist fighting for change in things and I think it’s time I took the fight to the political arena at some level. My message is simple.



There are problems.



Some things are not good and I think it’s time that we as a group of people said “that’s not right”. We face problems everyday. Sometimes we only face them occasionally and certain problems we only have to deal with once or twice. I am here to say that bad things are not O.K. and I will work tirelessly to ensure that these things are made less bad, eliminated or changed into good things.



This will not be easy most of the time. Sometimes it will be easy. No matter the degree of difficulty or time required, I will see to it that after I have done what is needed, the things I have worked on will be better.



My opponent thinks everything is alright. That things are “good enough”. Well, I say that he or she is wrong and, in fact, sometimes things are really bad.



Please, vote for me sometime. If elected, I promise to use the power of whatever office I am in to make sure that various problems are either no longer problems or at least smaller problems.



I’m Bill Young and I approve whatever this is.