My secret shame is that I can’t juggle.

I grew up out at the Renaissance Festival, surrounded by acrobats, magicians, fire performers, clowns, and jugglers. You know, circus freaks. It’s what we do- perform for your amusement. Weird and wacky things that “normal” people don’t do. On the list, juggling is probably the least offensive and most likely trick for an audience member to know. It’s one of those simple things you just try out one day. Hell, my husband… the stand up comedian… you know, people with no useful skills so they tell jokes? Even HE can juggle. He had a two week segment in his suburban high school’s gym class.

But I can’t do it. I get the concept. I see how it works. The weave of the balls like a three strand braid in the air. But for all my half hearted attempts, I’ve never gotten the hang of it.

Which is a shame, because a street performer who can’t juggle is pretty much the lowest rung of the least respected form of entertainment out there. It doesn’t even matter that I have other street skills. I’ve flipped off of someone’s back, I’ve pulled quarters out from behind childrens ears and made them disappear, I’ve walked against invisible wind, I’ve eaten and blown and spun fire…

My favorite poi pic of me. Yes, I’m spinning fire around my body. Still not as cool as juggling.

…hell, I’ve even blocked a nail.

Don’t know what blocking is? It’s a term for pounding a nail into your head via your nostril, done by the human blockhead, the true illusion freak of the sideshow. It’s not a trick I do because it’s hard to be sexy model lady with a nail in your nose. Also, I always want to sneeze. Also, also, I hate how it feels.

I mean, have you ever laughed so hard you snorted soda pop out your nose? Try that with a nail. It’s not *painful* but it’s also not a pleasant experience.

Which is why, in the world of me getting older and kids getting dumber, I just don’t understand the latest YouTube trend among teens.

Nosing condoms.

All the cool kids are taking a condom, snorting it up their nose, and then pulling it out their mouth. They film it and put it on YouTube, and the other kids love it.

This proves to me that YouTube has become our sideshow of circus freaks.

Which makes me wonder if any of them can juggle.