Look, it’s impossible to talk about Taco Bell without making a diarrhea joke so I might as well get it out of the way in the title.

Seriously, though. Taco Bell has started serving breakfast in some stores out west and hopes to have all locations slinging “FirstMeal” (yes, they’re honestly calling it that) in the next couple of years.

They’re going all out, too. They’re not just taking their regular menu of 100 meat paste / bean / cheese / tortilla items that are completely indistinguishable from each other and just throwing in some sausage and egg –

Oh God is that a breakfast crunchwrap?

They’ll be teaming up with other companies to serve stuff like Cinnabon because fuck it, you’re not eating breakfast at Taco Bell because you care about your health.

My favorite part of the USA Today article has to be where Taco Bell admits that their customers aren’t early risers. From the article – “t’s a reflection of Taco Bell’s core customers — the 18- to-20-something crowd that’s generally not up at the crack of dawn.
‘What we found is, they’re not the customer that shows up at 6 a.m. for breakfast,” Niccol said. “We can get those guys on board, they become the evangelists, and then we can start adding additional hours for people that want breakfast at 6 a.m. or 7 a.m.'” Nothing like admitting your core customer base probably doesn’t work regular hours.

As much as I joke about it, I’m totally the target market for this slop. I’ve shamelessly devoured Taco Bell in the past and I’ll do it again. I love the stuff. Hell, I’d probably eat their breakfast but it’s rare that I find myself that drunk at 9 A.M.