Tag Archives: children

You Can Find Anything On Ebay, Baby.

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A couple weeks ago, YoungNotions announced that we would no longer be doing those shitty text ads advertising ways you can make money at home. We got tired of supporting products we didn’t believe in for a tenth of a Euro. I don’t even know what that translates to in American, but it’s just not worth it.

Instead, we made a Facebook post offering limited sponsor placement for people we like. I would rather our space gets used to promote products and people we believe in. YoungNotions.com is our baby, and if we’re going to sell her, we want it to be to people we like and trust.

You know. Like Misty VanHorn, who is said to have tried selling her children on Facebook to raise funds to bail her boyfriend out of jail.

“The going price was $1,000 for her 10-month-old daughter and … $4,000 for a package deal that included her 2-year-old son.” -firsttoknow.com

And now we know which child she values more.

But Misty is not the only person to attempt selling her children on the internet. A woman in Dallas tried to sell her 4 month old on Criagslist (price not listed), and just so you don’t think it’s only Americans, a German mother tried to sell her 7 month old baby on eBay starting at one Euro. She says she did it as a joke, but eBay shut her down and turned her in just the same.

And she received no bids before she was shut down. That poor baby’s self-esteem must be just awful right now.

Baby selling isn’t just for the internet. One woman tried to sell her baby for $500 at a Taco Bell (would you like that to go?) and one couple at Walmart attempted to sell their 8 month old for just $25.

You really can’t beat the prices at Walmart.

Most of these attempted sales are shitty situations, people that shouldn’t have children, selling them off for drug money. And I say let them. Obviously they shouldn’t have their children if they’re going to use. It’s a win-win.

I did try to find a story where someone sold their child for something other than drugs. I chased down an internet rumor that someone sold their child for Beyonce tickets but it turns out that was just a photoshopped headline passed around the internets for amusement. No one actually tried to sell their baby for tickets to a Beyonce concert.

Nowaygirl

Look, it’s about economics. The going rates for a baby is at least two Eric Clapton balcony seats.

Build a Better Child Trap…

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Hello, readers! How was your Thanksgiving? I spent mine with the in-laws, relatively drama free, while my husband was in North Dakota telling his jokes and singing shitty karaoke songs.

What neither of us did over the holiday was rescue a trapped child from a laundry chute.

Ooooh- look! Fox news! Proving that little kid stories are universal.

Apparently, little Cayden was super curious about the laundry chute and decided to take a closer look. Maybe he thought it would be like those adventure movies where you slide down the long cave slide til you get to the hidden treasure. Maybe he’s a super nerd kid and wanted to play Star Wars. Whatever the reason, 2 year old Cayden opened the laundry chute door, and fell about 20 feet into a bunch of cables that were being stored in the chute, getting tangled up and unable to move.

Eventually, fire fighters were able to rescue little Cayden, who came away from the experience with little more than a couple of bumps and scrapes. One of the first things Cayden did was try to open the chute door again, but his parents had nailed it shut.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. What kind of shitty parent wouldn’t have done that in the first place? I admit, it was kind of my first thought. But then I remembered a time when Jared was two and had, in the space of about 5 seconds, managed to go from the ground to the top of a stack of benches, about 7 feet up in the air. To this day, I have no idea HOW he managed it. Point is, 2 year olds are freaky fast. If you take your eyes off of them for even a second, they’ll end up on the other side of the room, ready to do something incredibly dangerous and scare you half to death.

They’re like the most adorable Weeping Angels ever.

Don’t blink. Don’t even blink.

Anyway, although nailing down the laundry chute door seems like a no-brainer after the fact, we have to award the father massive kudo parenting points. Upon hearing the frightened screams of his child, locating him, and wanting to comfort him, Cayden’s father PUNCHED A HOLE IN THE WALL so he could hold his son’s hand til help arrived. In fact, Dad broke his hand and is probably going to need surgery.

He totally wins The Most Bad-ass Dad in Recent News award. Do you know who doesn’t get a good parenting award? This person:

[youtube=http://youtu.be/4U32s8G33r8]

There’s no sound, so if you have your audio off at work, you’re not missing anything. For those who can’t watch the video, let me describe it for you. From a security camera: a little girl and her older brother go up to one of those stuffed animal claw games. No parents in sight, but maybe they’re off camera. The little girl decides she wants a stuffed animal, and amazingly crawls up into the vending machine through the prize door. And then her parents, oblivious to the fact that she is missing, WALK RIGHT BY THE MACHINE AND OUT THE DOORS.

Big brother has to go get his mom TWICE before she notices that her daughter is not only missing, but inside a vending machine. She casually puts down her coffee before trying to rescue her daughter. I mean, she doesn’t even seem worried. Once the child is retrieved, Mom collects her coffee and sets down the little girl. Because priorities. If it were me, I’d still be clinging to my little boy 10 years later, and I’d have forgotten all about the coffee.

But you know what the biggest shame is? That little girl didn’t even get a stuffed animal.

While the Cat’s Away…

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For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, I took the week off of work to play home-maker and facilitate my child’s education while my husband drinks coronas and tequila with a bunch of 12 year olds posing as comedians in a heated pool on the rooftop of their Mexican villa, all under the guise of doing a “comedy festival.”

 

 

 

 

Jealous? Why would I be jealous? It’s not like I spend the rest of my time working my ass off to support my family so that Bill can go chasing his dream job of stand-up comedian while staying home with my son so he can do online schooling, thus fulfilling *his* dream of spending as many hours on a computer as humanly possible.

Oh wait. It is exactly like that.

But I get to spend more time with my son, who is my world. I mean, unfortunately, he has state testing and school keeping him busy most of the week. And he’s just shy of 12, so every time I go to hug him, he backs away with a horrified look on his face, and I run after him with my arms out-stretched, shouting “don’t look at me like I’m frickin frankenstien. Give your mother a hug!”

 

 

 

 

Well, at least Bill promised to bring me back something. It’ll probably be something kitschy, like a bobble-headed donkey, or an anatomically correct grass doll, or maybe something made out of coconut.

I’m allergic to coconut. Sigh.

 

 

Whatever. I’ve decided to make the most of my time off. My plans for this afternoon include cleaning out and re-arranging the bedroom, going through old papers in the desk, and organizing the bathroom closet.

… the sad part is, I’m kinda looking forward to it.