Tag Archives: charity

Brandon, MS Church Tries to Build 110 Foot Cross.

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There’s a church in Brandon, MS that is trying to build a 110 foot cross because Christians always have such good luck with giant statues. The project, sponsored by Crosses Across America was recently submitted to the Brandon city council for a zoning permit but was denied even though the church assured the cross could protect the town against 500ft tall vampires. The church is currently trying to overturn the decision via online petition and facebook group, the two most effective forms of protest.



While I certainly have nothing against a 110 foot cross, I think these people could really spend their time, energy and most importantly money on better pursuits. I haven’t been to church in quite some time but if I remember right, Jesus’ message was more focused on “help poor people” and less on “BUILD ME THE TALLEST, GAUDIEST MONUMENTS YOU CAN THINK OF”. This single 110 foot cross will cost somewhere between $80,000-$100,000. Instead of using the money to build something that does nothing for poor people, why don’t you follow Christ’s example and use that money to –



Feed 12 villages of 100 people for a year through Feed My Starving Children



Build an entire home with Habitat for Humanity with 40,000 left over.



buy 200 cows or 833 sheep for struggling farmers through get clean irrigation systems for several villages in India through Charity Water.



Buy 100,000 McDoubles and give them to hungry people! Buy 10,000 hungry people appetizers at Red Lobster! Take 1,000 homeless people out for dinner at a really fancy steakhouse! Anything except building a stupid cross that does nothing to spread Christ’s message.



I guess it could provide shade for some homeless people on hot days.

I guess it could provide shade for some homeless people on hot days.

Like an Angel with a Halo

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You guys remember when I talked about doing a Halo Marathon for charity last month? Well, tomorrow I leave my husband to his own devices for a few days while I hang out with gamers in the name of good deeds.

Previously known as Skulls for Tots.

Do you remember how I posted the other day about having an eye patch? About how I couldn’t look at a computer screen for more than half an hour at a time without getting a headache? Not to mention the total lack of depth perception?

Yeah, that hasn’t changed.

So I’m not going to be playing for hours, but I will be available for breaking the kids when they need a few minutes, and I’m going to be harassing the hell out of them while they play. I’ll still be in the room, on camera most of the time, so those of you who are stalking me, you won’t be disappointed. Also, you’ll get to see me with an eye patch. How can you NOT love that?

I’m wearing the eye patch. You just can’t see it behind all that hair.

You like the above picture? It’s a small part of a larger group picture, one of the many rewards you can earn by donating to the cause. Also, when we reach certain goals in how much we’ve raised, we make the game harder, or do ridiculous things to ourselves. For instance, If we raise $10k, all team members will spend Sunday night in formal dress.

You want to see me in a pretty dress? Donate. And watch me all weekend live! Chat with me! Convince me to do ridiculous things for money!

No, it’s not one of THOSE live cams. Perv.

Killing People Out Of Kindness

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I’m pretty sure Bill forgot to write up a post last night. That, or he messed up the timer on the publish. So either you get no Bill post today and this random snippet, or you get just a quick post from me about charity and activism.

Won’t somebody think of the children?

About 10 years ago, I played in a Halo tournament with 80 other clowns and came in 3rd. I played a LOT of Halo, as I had a lot of frustration to get out, and it’s a good way to pass the time without waking your toddler from his nap (sound off). What I’m saying is that I used to be really good at Halo.

About 10 years ago.

I recently got recruited to do a charity event called High Charity. It is a weekend long Halo Marathon to raise money for Child’s Play Charity, an organization that provides toys and games to sick kids in hospitals. I love charity works, and I love playing games, and I used to be really good at Halo.

About 10 years ago.

Anyone who’s been to my house knows I have many older gaming consoles and a 55 inch TV shrine to game play. I have a wii, xbox, PS2, game cube, N64, and an Atarti 2600 (Anyone who gives me an old sega box or an NES will garner my undying gratitude). All of my systems are hooked up to switches in various fashions so that I can theoretically play whatever system at any time I want.

I haven’t even touched my xbox in probably a year or so.

I figure I should practice my old Halo 2 game. So I go to turn on the xbox. Pause, wipe the dust off of it, and continue. It’s been so long, I have to reset the time and date. And I can’t. The system, everything is working fine… except my controller. Well, replace the batteries. Nothing. Swap controllers. I can kind of navigate with it, but my joystick drifts to the left, and the buttons only work intermittently.

Well, now we know why I haven’t played xbox in a while.

I’ve ordered some controllers and they’re on their way. In the meantime, check out the site, donate, and mark on your calendars to check out the marathon starting October 26th. Last year, Chris Kluwe stopped by and played for a bit, and it seems likely he’ll be back. It’s sure to be a good time for a good cause.

Oh, and before you jerks ask, no, I cannot get you into this marathon. It’s not my house, my system, my set up, or my marathon. Now quit pouting and go donate.

We’re Going to Date You All… Night… Long (Oh Yeah).

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Hey there girl. You’re looking a little down. I think I know the problem.



Girls like you have needs. You need to be wined and dined, you need to have sparkling conversation. You need a night to just cut loose and have fun. We can do that for you, girl.



Girls like you also need to feel like you’re doing something to help the community. I can tell by the look in your eyes that you see all these non-profit organizations around you and you want to help but you just don’t know how. We can help you with that, girl. Just relax and let us do all the work.



We see you scratching your head, girl, wondering who I’m referring to when I say “we”. That’s my wife and I, girl. The two of us want to take you out on a date. Just you and we.



Yeah, girl. That’s us with Santa and also Leah Mansfield. They won’t be coming to our date. Just you and me and my wife, girl.





This date isn’t just about fun, though. You know we want to make you happy girl but we’re also supporting HUGE Theater in their yearly ebay auction fundraiser. That’s right, girl. You can look at all the stuff they have to offer or you can just check out our date night auction here.



And you know your donation will be tax deductible girl. We know how you like those tax deductions.



And don’t worry, girl. You may be a guy who wants to go out on a date night with us and you can still bid if you’re a guy, girl. I just find it awkward to switch between male and female second person references, girl.



We’ll do anything you want. This night is all about you. We’ll take you to the finest moderately priced restaurant in town. Order anything you want, girl.



Maybe you want to just relax and watch a movie? We’ll take you to the dollar theater during matinee times, girl. You want some candy? I’ll sneak in any kind of candy you want because maybe they don’t have the kind of candy you want, girl. Also it’s like two bucks cheaper.



Seriously, girl. I know theaters make like 90% of their profits off concessions but they’re going to charge four bucks for a bag of twizzlers when I can get the same bag for 1.75 at the grocery store? That’s outrageous, girl.



We may be on a tight budget but you know we’ll show you a good time. And when the nights over and you want the good times to take a turn for the sexy, girl? That’s not going to happen.



Seriously, pretty sure that’s prostitution if we offer sex in an ebay auction so that’s out of the picture. Also, Jena said no.



There’s less than three days left in that auction, girl. Why don’t you go place a bid and have us make all your moderately priced, non sexual dreams come true.

The Art of Holding Fuckers Accountable.

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I love the internet. I truly love it. Not just because it has all the porn ever for free or a million social networking sites for me to whore out my stupid comedy shows (although those two take a Pac-Man shaped bite out of the pie chart). The internet holds a special place in my heart because you get to chew fuckers out at the speed of thought. Big coporations, specifically.


Think about it. If you wanted to tell off a company for doing something awful back in the year nineteen-fuck-all you’d have to start a letter writing campaign, get a phone tree going or even publish a book before anything got done. These days, if a large corporation like PayPal does something like freezes the accounts of regretsy.com’s charity for bullshit reasons (click the link if you like being horribly outraged!), you can comment on their facebook page, you can email them via their website, you could leave a comment on their stupid blog. Hell, you could even call customer service at 1-888-221-1161 if you’re feeling old fashioned about it. It’s so easy!


Not only is it easy, it’s necessary. PayPal not only fucked up big time, they were dicks about it. Luckily, the internet provides us with the means to cram every single public relations orifice that PayPal has exposed with spite and condemnation.


The best part is that you can say whatever you want. As a company that relies on customers’ money, PayPal needs to play nice when addressing the public at large but you can tell them to fuck right off and they’ll still accept your business. Here’s what I posted on their wall –

“Hey, nice job on killing that kid’s charity. When it comes to keeping toys out of the hands of impoverished children, nobody beats PayPal!”


I also sent this email to them –

Your name
Ebeneezer Scrooge

Your message
Your stance on fucking the poor children out of gifts this Christmas is truly an inspiration! How dare regretsy try to give to the needy without navigating through your baffling terms of service first! Good for you!


This is how you affect change in the 21st century. You scream and thrash and tell everybody you know and show the bastards that you will not stop until they make it right. Good, clean fun and it’s totally free.

UPDATE PayPal has posted a tail-between-the-legs apology assuring the public that they are not, in fact, monsters that hate poor children. Or at the very least, they hate a million negative facebook comments more than poor children. Either way, the regretsy issue is being resolved. God bless us, everyone!