Yesterday I was at work driving to a customer’s house with an assistant (sometimes I get an assistant!). We didn’t talk much and just had the radio on quietly. I had turned off the radio at one point to make a phone call and neglected to turn it back on. After a couple of minutes of silence he looked at me and said “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?”



Well, shit.



With that one question every silence between us for the rest of the day became an awkward one. Way to go, pushy Christian.



I didn’t jump down his throat about it. I know, religion is a personal thing and it’s annoying and almost a little creepy when somebody you barely know is trying to get you to change religions while you’re just trying to work but they’re honestly just trying to help. As my friend Tony mentioned yesterday on facebook when I posted about the interaction, these people honestly think that you’re going to quite literally burn in hell if you don’t believe like they do. They want to help you.



Knowing this doesn’t make them any less annoying or intrusive but I try to remember this and cut them some slack when dealing with them. If you’re not as patient (or as much of a pushover) as me, you can play the new game I invented the next time you’re confronted with one of these people. It’s-



Have You Accepted Jesus Christ as Your Lord and Savior: The Game.



Rules: Points are awarded based on how you respond to someone asking you the titular question. Play with your friends or play alone!



(0 points)
Just mumble something about how you’re not exactly atheist but you don’t really trust any church and yada yada yada. Trail off on some bullshit about how you think he had some good teachings and hope they shut up (this is what I usually do).



(5 points)
Tell them that you’re gay. Points are only awarded if they say that it’s a sin and you argue them on it.



(10 points)
Make them give you the infomercial pitch. Say “well, I’ve heard about Jesus and heaven but I just don’t see what the big deal is.” Make them sell heaven to you in as detailed manner as possible.



(20 points)
As soon as they ask look at them with wide eyes and say “You can do that? Oh, thank God! Please! Hurry!” Sometimes they’ll try to give you a “rebirth” right on the spot. This usually involves them asking to accept Jesus and reject Satan. When they begin roll your eyes in the back of your head, lower your voice as low as it will go, start growling some backwards latin sounding jibberish and then look at the person and say “Too late, this one is MINE NOW.”



(25 points)
Just start crying. When they ask what’s the matter look at them and say “Jesus RAPED ME!”



(40 points)
Think about it for a second and say “Well, it sounds interesting but let me throw this out there. Have you considered accepting me as your lord and savior?” Really try to sell them on you being the messiah. Offer to buy them waffles and ask them when Jesus ever bought them waffles. Bonus 5,000 points if you can actually get them to follow you.

Good luck