First off, thanks to everybody who linked/liked/read yesterday’s thing about cookies! Now that a bajillion people are reading this I assure you that I will sell the fuck out as fast as I am able. Maybe I could start doing those annoying blogs that randomly links to products that have nothing to do with the subject matter?

*Note to potential advertisers; I have absolutely no shame and an insatiable hunger for money.

Anyway, enough about the delicious taste of Domino’s new Stuffed Cheesy Bread. Let’s get back to what this blog is all about. Applying for shitty creative job postings on Craigslist!



When I first responded to a shitty Craigslist “talent” job post I was hoping that this could be a weekly thing and though I found a couple other job postings that were awesome/awfully response worthy, I soon found out that most of the “talent” that people were looking for on Craigslist is Bangbus wannabes like Fucktruck, Coozecruise or Chubsub (BBWs getting nailed on submarines. You may remember them from “20,000 Pounds Under the Sea.) looking for women. Seems like according to Craigslist I’m not talented because I’m not a woman who wants to have sex on camera.

Even though the prospects have been thin I still check every once and a while and I think I’ve found a good one.

Seeking Romantic Erotic Fiction For Female Audiences (Anywhere)

Stories should consist of approximately 5,000 words.

The protagonist must be female, perhaps a professional woman (not required), and having interaction with at least one male. Stories should be sexy, sophisticated, and respectful. The stories must have a Happily Ever After ending or a Happy For Now conclusion.
Each story should be written in one of three temperatures: warm, hot or scorching — and indicated as such, according to the following scale:

• Warm: just a reference to a sex toy or bedroom accessory; mild language
• Hot: may be a brief memory of prior use, or somehow an actual experience; descriptive language
• Scorching: actual use during story, perhaps even more than one; explicit language and situations

Stories may be categorized in any of the following sub-genres of erotic romance:

• Historical–takes place in the past
• Contemporary–takes place in current time period
• Multicultural–characters are ethnic
• Ménages`–characters have a relationship that consists of three partners
• Polyamorism–characters have open romantic relationships with more than one person at a time (not the same as having more than one sexual partner, but actual relationships)
• Paranormal–consists of paranormal or speculative elements

However, the following elements will not be considered in submissions:

• Bestiality
• Sex with minors (under age 18)
• Rape, in any form

We are not currently seeking M/M or F/F stories.

Submission Instructions:

• Rich Text format or .doc files, saved as StoryTitle_AuthorName
• 1″ margins all around
• Times New Roman, 12 point font

Initial responses to submissions will be made within three weeks. We look forward to reading your story.

Location: Anywhere
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $75

$75? Ka-ching! I’ve never done it before but I think I can write some steamy, Fabio on the cover romance geared toward a female audience.

The Countess Jacqueline DiMargeruite strolled through the stable as she made her way to her favorite horse. As a woman who came from a rich family but still works really hard so she doesn’t have to rely on her parents because she’s independent, riding her horse on the weekends is one of the few things that can relieve the stress of working a long week as a successful business woman. She eyed Juan, an ethnic man of at least 18 years, brushing the mane of one of the horses.

She laid down on the blanket while Juan rubbed her feet for however long was enough, probably a goddamn hour. Then they watched 27 dresses on his iPad.

Pretty hot. Right, ladies? That’s just a sample, too. In chapter 3 he makes her a dinner and then does the dishes and chapter 5 is just 500 words describing him bringing a toilet seat down after using it.