There are time wasters, and then there are things that are a complete waste of time.

Such as JelloTime.com. All it is is an image of jello. you move your mouse over it, and it wiggles.

And I can’t stop doing it. It’s the dumbest thing. Dumber than stress balls, which are the worst marketing ploy ever. “Let’s put our logo on a piece of foam and tell people it’ll make them feel better.”

Because turkey.

And yet, here we are. Cubes covered in shitty stress balls that we often play with out of, well, usually boredom.

What about a regular bouncy ball? That at least makes more sense. Just throw it into a box and watch it bounce around.

How about Bubble Wrap? People often talk about how therapeutic bubble wrap is… just get that frustration out in a miniscule act of destruction.

We often collect other weird toys to have at the cube. Like those sticky stretchy hands that you wack against the side of the wall on that strip that isn’t covered in fabric, so you can have the satisfaction of pulling it away.

Why is that so very satisfying?

Another cube toy is the snow globe. I’m particularly fond of this one, because it has little people doing things, and when you shake it up, they go right back to doing whatever they were doing before.

But I think the ultimate in office toys is the Magic 8 Ball. I used to have a sarcastic 8 ball, where I would ask it a question, and it would respond with things like “yeah right!” and “…and maybe I’m the pope.”

Here’s the problem with online Magic 8 balls… no shaking. I went through probably a dozen of these, and they were all just fancy displays for answers… no shaking. And that’s the satisfying part.

Programmers, make me a magic 8 ball I can shake, and I will pimp the shit out of your site. Until then, here’s just a few that I found online:

This one looks alright.
Possibly the oldest online 8 ball.
This one should be better for how pretty the site is.
This one looks like a student project.
For people who like dragons and shitty animation.
This one has some favorite answers, such as “seek Jesus” and “go on a diet.”

The best one, where the image at least shakes.

Happy slacking!

You ever hear of this fucker?




This fucker hosts the fucking Davis and Emmer Show on Twin Cities News Talk radio (fucking AM1130). This fucker actually said on his fucking show – “I have something I want to say to the victims of Newtown, or any other shooting,” namely that the gun reforms they’ve been lobbying for “force me to lose my liberty, which is a greater tragedy than your loss.”. He fucking then went on to say that he was – “sick and tired of seeing these victims trotted out,” and that “I would stand in front of them and tell them, ‘go to hell.’”



He actually fucking said that.



Just so we’re crystal fucking clear, he’s fucking saying that having to do a background check at gun shows, smaller magazines and maybe having a harder time buying guns online is a fucking worse tragedy than a bunch of parents having their 9 year old children brutally murdered. The fucking balls on this guy.



You know what? It makes me fucking cringe even thinking about having to explain to this fuckface why he’s fucking wrong so I’m just going to forego all that and say this.



Fuck you, Bob Davis. Fuck your show. Fuck your boner for guns. Fuck your buddy Tom Emmer. Fuck the station that allows you to spread your word AIDS all over the state. Fuck your stupid glasses. Fuck your apology where you don’t actually apologize for anything.



Fuck you, you fucking fucker.

I really want to write about something else. I would love nothing more than to do a stupid post replying to some craigslist job ad or rip into Michele Bachmann but that’s just not happening. It’s all over the news, it’s on everybody’s minds and it’s been on my mind since I heard about it right as it happened on the radio yesterday.



Yesterday a couple of bombs went off towards the finish line of the Boston Marathon in an act of terror, killing three and wounding over a hundred. The President has stayed away from using the word “terrorist” for the attack and I can understand why. This country equates terror with Middle Eastern muslims who want to destroy our freedom or something but terrorism doesn’t solely belong to anti western jihadists. Terrorism is nothing more than an act used to instill fear in people. To make them feel like they’re not safe when they should be.



If this was a terror attack, it didn’t work.



One of the things that struck me yesterday was the instant online reaction to the attack. The last time something like this happened on American soil was September 11th, 2001. That was 12 years ago. 12 years ago there was no facebook or twitter. This was pre-MySpace. Most homes only had 56k internet connections and we’d just use them to go into aol chatrooms or check out hamsterdance.com.



I didn’t even own a cellphone in 2001. After the attack, I just holed up in my brother’s apartment all day as we watched the news. We could only judge how the country felt based on the media reaction. Yesterday, everybody was online and posting their reactions and feelings to the tragedy. You could just check out your smartphone to see how everybody you know was feeling.

The first thing I saw was people trying to see if everybody was okay. People from everywhere who had friends or family in Boston were either asking them to “check in” or reporting on their status for others. After that I mostly saw people sharing this –







and this.







That’s what people are talking about. Not how this changes everything or how we’ll have to beef up security. People are talking about how awesome it was to see so many people rush to help out without even thinking about it.



Of course, that hasn’t been the only online reaction to this tragedy. I’ve seen plenty of posts promising retaliation against those responsible and that’s perfectly natural. There’s been the shitty shock value jokes that are offensive but ultimately harmless. I’ve even seen more than one person hop on the Alex Jones bandwagon and blame the government for the attack but all of these combined are still a fraction of those I’ve seen of people “looking for the helpers” and bolstering their faith in humanity.



Might be some hope for us after all.

Bill and I are very different people sound-wise. He spent his early 20’s going to indy punk concerts, standing way too close to the speakers, rocking out to electric guitars and chain saws. I spent much of my early 20’s listening to classical music, opera, and going to folk concerts.

This is why Bill has to have the volume up to 80 gagillion and sleeps with a fan on. And why I can hear things like the refrigerator running and the tiny little buzz of the lights.

Side note- you guys remember that ring tone that the teens were passing around like 6 years ago? It was supposed to be a ring that only teens could hear. It’s based on hearing ability that we lose as we age. Anyway, one day at work, this site was being passed around by everyone, testing their hearing. People kept talking about how they couldn’t hear them, turning the sound up to try to hear it…. So I had all these incredibly annoying high pitched noises all around me that only I could hear. It was awful.

Anyway, evil noises are evil. But soothing noises… I love games with soothing sounds behind them. I picked games to today’s Fuck Off Friday that could be played without the noise because some places of employment are like that. But really? Find time to play them when you can listen to the sound.

The first one is Music Catch. You have to collect falling notes. Some are good, some are bad. It’s enough engagement to where you’re not just clicking things, but the sound element is very soothing.

While looking for a specific game (I still haven’t found it) I stumbled across this fantastic piece of marketing. It’s a “music video game”… a video game made for a song, kind of like if MTV did video games. The game itself is not super exciting, but I love the concept. They’re a little too… trying to make a point. Not much, but just enough for me to be all “oh, I see what you did there.” Still, what do you expect from a song called Inside a Dead Skyscraper ? This one might just be a matter of taste.

And then there’s anything done by Ferry Halim. Seriously. I have a mad artist crush on this person. Every game is visually soft and pleasing, the sound often incorporated. My personal favorite is starry night.

What’s frustrating is there is a great game I wanted to share with you all that I just can’t find. It’s got kind of these sketch graphics, and as you move forward, the music plays forward, and you have to jump to hit the notes to keep the music playing.

If you stumble across it, could you let me know? Also, please share your favorite music based games in the comments below. I need more ways to fuck off this Friday.

I did bad thing. I make drinks go in me. I said no booze after new years but last night booze was tasty and now I no have brain.



Brain Hurtey real bad. Tummy gurgling and eyes hurt. Thinking hard. Want to make blog go but brain hurt ’cause the booze.



The booze didn’t hurt last night. Booze felt great. Drinks happened and everything was fun. More and more drinks happened and I went home and went to sleep real late and I wake up now and everything bad. Nothing is fun. The world is scary and my breath smell bad.



I no like this. Booze make fun times but after booze is dark, dark times.



No more booze. Time to make resolution stick. Brain hurteys are no fun. Gut times are terrible, too. Too old. Too old for booze



I go bathroom now because of booze. I go bathroom forever because of booze. Hate you, booze.



Stupid booze.