Tonight, Bill and I host and produce the sketch comedy show “Young and Fearless: A Night at a Restaurant.” The show starts at 10pm at the Bryant-Lake Bowl, and boasts an amazing cast of players, along with a couple of guest stand up comedians.

Our logo makes me giggle every time.

I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of our little show. The first one was in April with a park theme, and had a somewhat rocky opening with an attendance of 11 people. Our show in June with an office theme had an attendance of about 50 people and when we applied what we learned from the first show, came off without a hitch!

As we place our sketches this month in restaurants, I’m hoping last show’s attendance wasn’t a fluke. The writers have provided some excellent scenes, and the players have done an amazing job with them.

Come on out and support live sketch comedy!

Now, on to things you can waste your time on until the show- restaurant games!

I’ve found a nice selection of “Papa’s ______eria” games, where you play the part of the employee making food to customers specifications. Take a look!

Papa’s Burgeria– where you take orders, fry patties, and build burgers to customer satisfaction for tips.

Papa’s Pizzaria– Don’t like burgers? How about Pizza! Take orders, then build, bake, and cut to customer’s specifications.

Papa’s Taco Mia– same thing with tacos.

Papa’s Freezeria– remember making your own ice cream blends? Yeah, you can do that here.

Papa’s Pancakeria– like working the house of pancakes!

Papa’s Wingaria– well now it’s just getting silly. Though, I do love me some wings.

And now I’m hungry. Enjoy these games, and come out to the show. I’m gonna go make myself a pancake pizza burger with taco ice cream and wings.

Last Thursday, Monday filed discrimination charges against the other days of the week, citing repeated accounts of being called depressing, difficult, and the worst day of the week.

Harassment and bullying started in the workplace over morning cups of coffee and hangovers from Sunday, but quickly moved to the internet in the form of Facebook statuses and LOLcats.

Here are some examples of harassment and bullying that Monday has included in it’s very lengthy discrimination case:

“A number of songs feature Monday, often as a day of depression, anxiety, or melancholy. For example, Monday, Monday (1966) from the Mamas & the Papas, Rainy Days and Mondays (1971) from the Carpenters, I Don’t Like Mondays (1979) from the Boomtown Rats, and Manic Monday (1986) from the Bangles.” -Wikipedia

Many of the internet images being passed around against Mondays:

It’s even recorded some slanderous words about it:

And even Youngnotions has been cited as anti-Monday.

But it turns out, the rest of the work week is just as depressing as Monday.

Reported in the Journal of Positive Psychology, a study found that people are just as depressed Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday as they are on Monday. Only Friday showed a slight elevation in spirits.

Monday claims that slander has caused it to lose its position of “first day of the week” to Sunday in America and on religious calendars, and fears if left unhindered, the trend will pick up in Europe and international calendars.

Sunday was unavailable for comment.

I’ve received the books for my son’s next school year. Sales are springing up in department stores everywhere. You can just sense kids trying to get that last bit of play out of them before being shipped of to our institutionalized classrooms to learn things.

In the Young household, the teenager goes to an online school, because we feel it’s the perfect balance of learning what you need to function in our society and being given the freedom to study things that actually interest you. A regular brick and mortar school was crushing my child’s natural curiosity, so we looked for something that encouraged outside study.

You don’t need to be in an online school to push your curiosity and learn new things. There is a whole world of online content at your disposal.

The most obvious are TEDTalks, where experts come in and give a talk on something. Here is a talk on Existential Risk.

Now, I find these talks fun, but not everyone wants to listen to someone talk about The End of Humanity. They want a more playful education. Well I’ve got you covered.

Crash Course is a YouTube channel that has informative summaries of sections of history, chemistry, and literature. I’m a huge fan of this course on Islam:

Why are there so many nerdy white guys talking? If these don’t appeal to you, may I present Thug Notes- video summaries and analysis of classical works by a Thug.

So go out there and learn something!

Recently, one of our favorite readers sent in an article about a boy who masturbated 42 times and died.

According to Douglas Adams, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42. Maybe he just wanted to test the theory?

It’s almost certain this article is a fake. It’s from an unrecognized news source and seems unlikely. But I always like to check up, just in case.

I’ve checked Snopes, Google, and other sites to get my “this is fake” verification. Nothing. Which means I have to do all the hard work myself.

Just like when I masturbate.

The first thing that should tip us off is that there is an exact count on the number of times he jerked it. As if someone was sitting next to his bed with one of those little clicker things.

“37 *click*….. 38 *click*….. come on buddy! Let’s see if you can do 4 more!”

I suppose he could have connected that webcam he had been reportedly telling his classmates about. But then, that’s a pretty weird detail to leave out of a news story.

But the thing that really tells me that this article is fake is that you can’t simply masturbate to death. People who have died during masturbation have done so from outside influences. Auto-erotic asphyxiation or toys misused.

I mean, what was it that actually killed him in jerking it too much? He ran out of semen and his body just shut down? He rubbed his dick raw and bleed to death? A heart attack?

But you can’t just “die from masturbation.” I know- I looked it up on a reputable source.

Yahoo! answers.

Many years ago, I used to do “theatrical Christian ministries.” That was actually my plan- to become a minister with a theatrical focus and produce ALL the passion plays.

Funny how having a baby out of wedlock can change your focus.

Anyway, a part of the theatrical ministries was pantomime. A kind of acting out the verses of the song. It was super easy to do with 90’s Christian rock. DC Talk, Newsboys, and Michael W Smith were my favorites. Lots of imagery. Carmen has imagery too, but he’s a lot more brimstone and anger than I generally like in my ministries.

Also, it’s really hard to get hell fire down just right in pantomime. It looses something.

One of my favorites was to take a contemporary love song and perform it as pantomime for my congregation. I had helped to start a contemporary worship service at my church, and these pantomimes were a big hit with the mid-twenties adults trying to stay cool with Christ. I also learned you can take any Bryan Adams song and pantomime the crucifixion to it.

Go ahead- try it. I’ll wait.

See? “I would die for you.” Because Jesus.

Anyway, I bring this up because a friend of mine recently discovered David Armand. Also known by the character name Johann Lippowitz when performing pantomime, Armand is an absolute genius of a physical comedian.

Now, what I grew up calling pantomime, he’s calling interpretive dance. Call it whatever you want- the man is hilarious. He’s been on WonderVision:

He’s been on the British improv show “Fast and Loose” in his own segment Interpretive Dance

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And he performed “Torn” on stage live with Natalie Imbruglia at the 2006 Secret Policeman’s Ball for Amnesty International.

So go check him out! Oh, and for you kids who can’t youTube at work but still want to waste some time, head on over to ihatemimes.com and see how far you can launch a mime with Mime Mayhem.

Cause interpretive dance is really just shitty mime to music anyway.

A man was killed when a cow fell through his roof and landed on him in his sleep.

I really feel like I should have more to say on the subject. Like there should be a million jokes or witticisms just jumping onto the page. I mean, something about how too much red meat can kill you, or maybe something about being lactose intolerant.

If I was really clever, maybe a mad cow reference with the tag “You mad bro? Come at me!”

Plotting your death.

Maybe even a Monty Python reference:

But no. I got nothing. I keep reading the story, and all that comes to mind is the fact that a person died when a ton of cow fell through his roof and landed on him in his sleep.

I mean, I want to get more ridiculous than that, but I just don’t see how. Maybe with a ton of chickens? Maybe if it fell on him while he was taking a walk through the city?

But I mean, it has to be somewhat believable. Not that a cow falling through a roof is common place…

Wait- what? The article says that this is the third cow-through-roof incident in recent years.

What the hell Brazil? Put fences up or something. Build stronger houses. Learn from these mistakes.

I tell ya. These guys wouldn’t take a hint if it fell through the roof and landed on them.

Today is my son’s birthday. He’s a full-fledged teenager now, as opposed to just a pre-teen working through puberty. His arm hair is starting to come in darker. He’s grown probably 6 inches in the past few months, and not stopping anytime soon. What we originally thought might be a cold a few months ago is actually a dropped voice. His face is more angular. He has acne. He’s the same height as me. His feet smell.

I’m not okay with any of this. He didn’t ask my permission; he just did it. Stupid rebellious teenagers.

Not only that, but I’m supposed to celebrate these changes. Throw a party for him and congratulate him on his lanky, ape like arms and out-growing his shoes three months after I bought them. Buy him deodorant and razors.

I mean, my son is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I’m glad he’s doing all the growing things he’s supposed to be doing. I can’t even begin to describe how wonderful he is, how he makes me proud on a daily basis, how his dry sarcasm and childish glee fills my heart.

But my little baby is getting man feet. I’m just not ready for that.

The baby pic is at about 6 months. The pre-teen pic is from last fall.

Anyway, in honor of his birthday, today’s fuck-off Friday is about Bloons. Produced by Ninja Kiwi, there are a whole bunch of balloon based flash games out there. Ninja Kiwi has a LOT of other stuff on their site… if you just want the games that focus on Balloons or Monkeys, I recommend Balloon Monkey Game. It’s all still Ninja Kiwi, and they give credit where it’s due. Just a bit easier to navigate.

My personal favorite is Bloons Super Monkey, where you’re a super monkey that flies through the air shooting malicious balloons, saving the world yet again from latex invations.

My son’s favorite is Bloons Tower Defense 4. You try to stop a bunch of balloons from making it through a path from one part of the screen to another with darts, bombs, and other balloon destroying weaponry.

Happy birthday, Jared! Now I’m going to stare wistfully at old pictures and wonder where my baby went.

I’m not overly a fan of when adults use little kid names. I make an exception for Tommy. I don’t know why Tommy is the exception, but I know several Tommys, and each one of them is totally and fully Tommy, from the large, long-haired 300 pound Tommy to the slightly cynical, down to earth, rough and tumble Tommy, to the more clean cut waif of a man Tommy.

I hate it when people call me Jennie/Jenny (select few people who knew me from my Jennie days can get away with it). I especially hate it when someone spells it Jenny, as even when I was a Jennie, I wasn’t a Jenny. A jenny is a female donkey. Though, I’m definitely a chick, and definitely an ass, I don’t want to disparage the majestic beast that is the donkey with associations of me. It works way to hard to have my laziness associated with it.

Though, I do have a pretty sweet lady ass. It’s because I bike a lot.

The point is, I recently discovered that there is a Mayor of a small Minnesota town with the name Bobby. Bobby Tufts- Mayor of Dorset, MN.

Bobby Tufts. Doesn’t that just make you think of a little boy out playing mayor? I mean, can’t you just picture little Bobby Tufts, out there on the campaign trail, handing out pictures of him and his little girlfriend, skipping to meetings, lobbying for ice cream to be at the top of the food pyramid?

You should, because that’s exactly who Bobby Tufts is- a 4 year old mayor.

Awe Jeez! just look at the little tyke, would ya?

Dorset, MN holds elections every year by way of raffle. You send your vote and a dollar to the office, and the name is drawn at random at the summer festival. Which seems a ridiculous and possibly illegal way to vote in a mayor, but the 22 residents don’t mind.

Plus, it seems to be working.

Bobby has, in his time as mayor, cheered up his constituents with song and dance, given fishing tips, and helped old men across the street.

Frankly, he’s the best politician I’ve seen in ages.