Baiting for the Masters

Recently, one of our favorite readers sent in an article about a boy who masturbated 42 times and died.

According to Douglas Adams, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42. Maybe he just wanted to test the theory?

It’s almost certain this article is a fake. It’s from an unrecognized news source and seems unlikely. But I always like to check up, just in case.

I’ve checked Snopes, Google, and other sites to get my “this is fake” verification. Nothing. Which means I have to do all the hard work myself.

Just like when I masturbate.

The first thing that should tip us off is that there is an exact count on the number of times he jerked it. As if someone was sitting next to his bed with one of those little clicker things.

"37 *click*..... 38 *click*..... come on buddy! Let's see if you can do 4 more!"

“37 *click*….. 38 *click*….. come on buddy! Let’s see if you can do 4 more!”

I suppose he could have connected that webcam he had been reportedly telling his classmates about. But then, that’s a pretty weird detail to leave out of a news story.

But the thing that really tells me that this article is fake is that you can’t simply masturbate to death. People who have died during masturbation have done so from outside influences. Auto-erotic asphyxiation or toys misused.

I mean, what was it that actually killed him in jerking it too much? He ran out of semen and his body just shut down? He rubbed his dick raw and bleed to death? A heart attack?

But you can’t just “die from masturbation.” I know- I looked it up on a reputable source.

Yahoo! answers.

3 thoughts on “Baiting for the Masters

    • Yes, but she died of “heart arrhythmia” caused by masturbation. Not just “masturbation.”

      Most reputable news sources will include exactly this kind of information. The article about the boy who masturbated to death does not.

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