Well, according to MSNBC, Mitt Romney is pretty much assuming he’s got the primary in the bag and unless there’s some big upset from Santorum, Romney does have the primary in the bag. Looks like it’s going to be Romney vs. Obama for the general election and I’m not pleased.
Half the shit I do on this blog is political and I have to say during the primaries, I’ve really had fun ripping on Santorum and Gingrich but that’s because their crazy has personality and flair! Look at what the other guys are bringing to the table –
Santorum
* thinks sperm are people
* thinks women are things
* thinks gays are demons
* think’s Obama’s a nig – uh
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeaA8nkiWdk&w=420&h=315]
Gingrich
* Cheated on his first wife. Divorced her when she had cancer and married his mistress.
* Cheated on second wife. Divorced her and married The Joker.
She looks like a harlequin baby all growed up (go ahead and google image search "harlequin baby". I dare you).
* Tried to get Clinton impeached for cheating
* Probably cheating on his wife right now as you read this.
Ron Paul
*Wild Card! Is he racist? Is he crazy? Nobody knows the true story because nobody takes him seriously enough to actually do some serious investigation on him.
I know he likes biking. That's all I got on him for sure.
Look at that! A tree full of low hanging fruit for a lazy comedian like myself to pick at my lesiure but what am I stuck with? Mitt Romney. What’s he got going for him?
* He’s out of touch because he’s a super rich guy (but I already covered that).
* He’s Mormon and that’s weird but nobody seems to want to talk about that.
In a perfect world it’d be Michele Bachmann running against Obama but here I am stuck with dumb ol’ Romney. I might as well go back to writing my vampire detective novel.
Ugh. Even his picture on wikipedia is boring.
I googled Harlequin baby. And now I know what I’m gonna be for Halloween.