Bill Gates, just like every other man on the face of the earth, doesn’t like condoms.
He understands that they’re currently the most effective defense against STDs and unwanted pregnancies but just like every man who has ever worn one during sex, he’s not a fan of them.
Unlike every other man on earth, though, Bill Gates has the money to solve this problem. That’s why he’s offering one million dollars to the person who can invent a better condom.
I’m in. I got all kinds of condom ideas. Here’s just three of them.
1: ADAMANTIUM CONDOM.
One of the biggest problems with condoms is that they can break during use. The solution? Make them out of the same shit they used to make Wolverine’s bones.
Ain’t no sperm or HIV virus gettin’ through here, bub.
Granted, this would incredibly decrease sensation and also adamantium isn’t a real thing let’s check out option 2-
2: TWO PERSON FULL ENVIRONMENT CONDOM
To increase pleasure, increase the condom’s size so it completely wraps around both individuals. Include a full, self-sustaining environment so the sexual partners can live inside the condom for years at a time –
not pictured: 2 people inside the condom totally getting it on.
This will be 100% effective against STDs but not very effective against pregnancy. I guess you can just pull out or get an abortion or whatever.
3: CONDOM 2.0
Rather than try to build a new condom from the ground up, let’s see what we can do by making a few tweaks to the existing model –
The lasers allow for pinpoint accuracy while penetrating the orifice of your target. The tailfin will increase traction when you’re going fast and the flames just look badass. 10 years from now everybody will be wearing this condom.
You can make the check out to Bill Young, Mr. Gates.
Oh please. No one wants a condom associated with the phrase “microsoft”.
Back when she was a stockbroker the wife was selling stock in Mentor Corp which was selling a self-adhesive condom that was much less likely to slip off accidentally, and could even be used for “round two” if it wasn’t removed. It used a gentle surgical adhesive and worked fairly well, but the product line was bought out and the new owners changed the material in it and it ended up being more permeable to HIV than the original design so the product died.
The phrase “Blue Balls of Death” comes to mind.