Too Sexy for this Job

I don’t watch a lot of movies. It’s not that I have anything against them… it’s just that I don’t make time for them. In fact, I know so little about movies that some friends and I made a podcast where I’m forced to sit down and watch movies.

Frankly, putting me in the spotlight is the only way to get me to make time for something.

I’ve been told that I should see Erin Brockovich. No one ever tells me that I should see it because of the amazing cinematography or incredibly developed plot line. Most people tell me I should see it because I resemble the title character… that I’m an attractive, no-nonsense kind of woman that revels in her own sense of style and sexuality, who used to be an unwed mother.

i really like that top.

i really like that top.

Or, you know, trashy whore.

No, you guys. It’s cool. I know I’m a trashy whore. Fine- slut, if you prefer. I don’t get paid. But the point is, I’m somewhat attractive, comfortable in my sexuality, and sometimes I wear “slutty clothes.”

You know the kind I’m talking about… The shorts that go a little higher than normal. Exposed bellies. Peaking out thongs. A little too much cleavage.

Now, a large part of that is the environments I grew up in. Between my low-income neighborhood and the naked hippy commune of the RenFest, I truly didn’t understand that there were places that limited clothing could be an issue. It made for a very awkward conversation in my first corporate job, where I was told I knew better when I REALLY had no clue. I wish someone had given me a guide of some sort…

skirt

Honestly, I think you should be able to wear whatever you want to work so long as it isn’t dangerous to you or others, or affect your abilities to perform job related tasks. I wouldn’t go to work naked if I were a burger flipper, for example. I mean, imagine the grease burns.

And if you have a day where you need to get a lot done, go to work in a Batman costume. Because fucking BATMAN.

It’s my understanding that Erin Brockovich has to deal with these kind of issues, where people judge her by her clothing, decide she’s incapable because she’s a woman, a single mom, sexually confident, and attractive.

Which makes me really glad to hear they’re re-opening the Melissa Nelson case.

Sent in to me by alert reader Brandon K, I had seen this when it was on trial, and dismayed when I heard the results, but had not heard that it was being debated again. Here’s the run down- Nelson was working as a dental hygienist for Dr. Knight FOR 10 YEARS, until he decided she was a threat to his marriage and fired her.

Because he found her too attractive.

Now, nothing in the article, the case, or anything I can find says that she returned his affections. In fact, as far as I can tell, she deliberately ignored a few questions and comments regarding her sexual life.

But she’s pretty and a single mom, so you know she puts out.

Apparently, just by being around him, she was ruining his marriage. Which is really selfish of her, if you ask me. She should have covered up more, maybe even worn Muslim women’s clothing to work.

You know- a job hijab. A hijobjab.

Walk On, Sluts!

Courtney McLean invited me to “like” a cause on facebook a while back called SlutWalk Minneapolis. My first reaction was to scream “You’re the slut, slut!” but I sheathed my claws quickly and realized she probably wasn’t calling me a slut (I can be so catty sometimes). I soon found out that the SlutWalk was actually an anti rape thing and not a walk full of sluts.

I found out more about the SlutWalk (man I can’t wait for the search engine terms to hit this site after typing “slut” 50 times in one post) from today’s Star Tribune article. It seems this started in Canada where all activism starts. At a college safety seminar in Toronto, a police officer told young women that they were less likely to be raped if they didn’t dress like sluts.

I totally understand where the guy is coming from. Not a day goes by that I see a woman with some exposed skin and I have to batter down my completely natural urge to have my way with her. Not that she’d mind, judging by the way she was dressed.

What women don’t understand about men is that we are solely motivated by sex. The only reason I go to sleep at night is that I’ll have the energy the next day to have sex. The other day I was in the produce section of the grocery store trying to figure out which kind of apples would let me fuck more (the guy working there was no help).

I am a machine. I don’t yell at a car when I step on the gas and it goes forward.

Those signs might as well say "I want every man to have sex with me always."

In spite of all this, the SlutWalk claims that women are actually the victims of rape. If women are the victims of rape, then why do only 6% of rapists in Minnesota serve jail time for raping*?

Whatever your views on it may be, there’s a fundraiser at the Acadia Cafe in Minneapolis tonight and the Minneapolis slutwalk happens on Saturday. I’d go but frankly, I can’t be held responsible for what would happen if I showed up. I’m just a man.

(*stat taken from a quote from the StarTrib article by a musician. May not be true but I’m too lazy to follow up on it.)