Tag Archives: shoes

I Can Kill You With My Brain, or…

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Before becoming a home-maker, I worked at the U of M, doing computer support for doctors and researchers. People that develop amazing cures and technologies all the time. I remember a story where people at the U developed a video game you could play with your brain. Just hook up some sensors, and you use your brain to navigate your space ship… you tell it where to go WITH THE POWER OF YOUR MIND!!!

That should excite you. The possibilities are absolutely endless. With this technology, we could make surgery completely noninvasive. It’s possible we could develop a way communicate with each other through our brains. We have the ability to view images from people’s brains, but we could use that to make a more fair judicial system, or solve crimes. We could make the world a better place.

It’s all fun and game until you’re taken over by an alien species and start trying to kill your friends.

Or, we could make ridiculous fashion accessories.

Last July, a Japanese company called Neurowear released a headband with kitty ears that reacted to the wearer’s emotional state. I think they’re kinda cute. Had I millions to spend on ridiculous things, I’d probably buy a pair, wear them for 5 minutes, and then put them int he back of my massive walk-in closet full of thousands of shoes that I never wear, just keep in a walk-in closet to make other people jealous of the amount of shoes I have.

Leave it to the Japanese…

Just yesterday, they announced the creation of a tail that does the same thing. But wait- there’s more! It’s not enough that random strangers in your general area can see how you feel. It also tracks your emotions and sends them to an app that broadcasts your emotions to other tail-wearing emoting kids in your area. Our local Anime convention will never be the same.

OH MY GOD! I just realized what they’re doing! They’re creating the ultimate furry!

I really don’t want to know which animal part they’re planning to release next.

With a Chain on My Legs an Adidas at My Feet.

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Just in time for Juneteenth: The Adidas slave shoe!

the chains are there… in case your shoes fall off?





That right there is the Adidas Roundhouse Trainer shoe. It was set to be released this summer but Adidas announced they were cancelling the project because… Well because the cuff and chain look like slave shackles. Adidas shoes are popular with African Americans but references to slavery are not so popular. Kind of a pet peeve for African Americans, really. The whole slavery thing.



Jeremy Scott, the designer of the shoe, maintains that he was not trying for the whole “slave” look when making the shoe. His inspirations have always came from toys in his childhood. When I read that I wondered what kind of weird shit this guy was into as a kid when shackles were involved but then I read that the particular inspiration for this shoe was the plush toy “My Pet Monster”.



My pet forced laborer.





So okay. Maybe he wasn’t going for a whole slave motif but that imagery stirs strong feelings in people about a horrible chapter of our history. On top of that it looks really stupid.



I mean, if you’re wearing those with long pants are you supposed to put the cuffs under the pants? Then nobody sees them. Do you put them over the pants or maybe roll up your pant legs like there was a flood coming? That would just look weird.



Also, fastening the cuffs is just another step in putting on shoes and I’m lazy. When I found out that I needed loafers for a job several years back I didn’t buy tennis shoes for three years just because I didn’t want to tie laces. Now I’ve got to tie my shoes and fasten the cuffs? I don’t even tie my shoes sometimes. The cuffs would probably just drag behind my heels and some jerk would step on them and make me trip.



Adidas also announced they’d be cancelling plans for their new “Three Fifths” sandal.

St. Paddy’s Shoe

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Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s day. Not just a very holy day for the most widely celebrated Saint in the Catholic Collection, St. Paddy is also the most notable Irish saint, giving way to Irish heritage celebrations around the world by people of Irish decent, people of not-Irish decent, and people who showered that morning with Irish Spring. Most Americans will celebrate their non Irish heritage by wearing green, getting drunk off of green beer, and making out with someone wearing green Mardi Gras beads and green hairspray.

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The whole thing is very authentic.

Seeing how popular this whole St. Patrick’s day this is, Nike, the popular athletic footwear company, wanted to get in on the action honor the history and culture of Good Old Erin.. and came up with a shoe that very accurately depicts how Americans view Ireland. The new Nike SB Dunk Low, pictured below, is a lovely blend of black with shades of brown, has been nicknamed “Black and Tan,” referring to the boozy beer beverage made from mixing Guinness and Harp.

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I actually really like these sneakers. I love mixing neutrals.

 

The problem with the nickname is that “black and tan” was also the nickname for the Royal Irish Constabulary Reserve Force, a British parliamentary group deployed in the early 1920’s when the Irish were revolting (I mean, they can be pretty disgusting, but this was revolution revolting) to help keep the peace. Keeping the peace included some pretty shady tactics. Like destroying property. Or beating up civilians. Or killing them.

So by naming the new shoes “Black and Tan” Nike has effectively said “we don’t know anything about Irish heritage, but we’re willing to pretend along with the rest of America.”

Unfortunately, this has pissed off the few Irish Americans that know anything about their heritage. (I brought up this situation to my husband of Irish decent, and he knew nothing of the fear-mongers-in-khakis  until I explained it to him).

“Is there no one at Nike able to Google ‘Black and Tan?”

-Ciaran Staunton, president of Irish Lobby for Immigration Reform

It also pissed off other groups of people… like, you know… the Irish (I mean, who would ruin a perfectly good Guinness by mixing it with Harp? AMIRIGHT?). But since when did Americans ever worry about what they thought? In fact, when have Americans ever thought of anyone except themselves?

Well, to help people better understand how offensive this oversight is, I’ve come up with a few shoe nicknames that your average American would understand:

 

The Reservation Runners: So comfortable you’ll cry a single tear.

The Slave-Drivers: The best for whipping yourself into shape.

The Westborough Flat Shoe: 4 out of 5 Baptists pick-it.

The Nazi Cap-toes: Goose-step into one.

The Al-Qaeda Kickers: You’ll feel like you can fly in them.