Tag Archives: rednecks

The Zombie Apocalypse Approaches.

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Earlier this week there was a news story about a naked man attacking somebody and eating 80% of their face. Immediately half the people I know shared the story on facebook with the comment “The zombie apocalypse begins!”. Jena showed me the story and said I should blog about it but I decided against it, feeling the story was overdone and the punchline was way too easy.


Later a story broke about some low rent Canadian porn star killing a man, eating parts of him and mailing other parts to places around Canada.



George Romero never warned us that zombies would be dressed as douchebags.




Now there’s a story about a college student in Maryland ate his roommate’s brain and heart.



The girlfriend of the guy from the first story actually said in an interview that she now believes in voodoo because her boyfriend would never do such a thing.



While the CDC has had a zombie prepardness page for some time as a jokey/educational disaster prepardness campaign, they felt that with recent stories they actually had to come out and tell people that zombies aren’t real. Sorry, CDC but all evidence points to the contrary.



With the government obviously unprepared, dealing with the zombie problem will obviously be left to the general populace which means two groups of people are going to come out on top. Nerds and rednecks.



Rednecks have the guns, hunting experience, trucks and general survival skills. Nerds have run the scenario of a zombie apocalypse in their heads countless times. Honestly. If you’re not a nerd, you probably know one. Ask them what they’d do in the event of a zombie apocalypse and they’ll tell you in exhausting detail plans A, B and C. What they’d do with the slow Romero zombies, the fast Dawn of the Dead remake zombies, the 28 Days Later virus zombies. Nerds will tell you where they’d go, who they’d bring, what weapons they’d carry and their long term plan.



With nerds and rednecks being the two main subcultures that would survive the oncoming zombie onslaught a new civilization will form when the dust settles and the outbreak is under control. Expect to see fuel-efficient NASCAR and some of the most nuanced and intelligent writing professional wrestling has ever seen. As much as I’m not looking forward to a war with the undead I have to admit I can’t wait to hear MC Frontalot’s country album.



Frankly, though, I could do without Trucknutz and a confederate flag on the TARDIS.


Dumb Racists For Obama

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I’ve seen this photo being shared around facebook a lot lately –



Did you need to use the confederate…. whatever.




In fact, if you google it, you can find a surprising amount of stars-n’-bars support for Obama –



The south shall rise again! Until then, vote Obama!




Obama at a campaign stop in Cousinlove, AL.





I can just imagine Jeff Foxworthy hunched over a notebook scribbling “If you’re in favor of a public health care option…”


The furthest I could trace back that first sign is from a politico article in 2008. In fact, all of the images are from around the time of his first campaign. I even found a blog called obamaredneck.com and all their posts are from 2008 and 2009 (there’s really not much there. The last few posts are about Ted Nugent’s latest book, mercury in fish and legalizing pot). How did I miss out on this seemingly huge base of redneck fans? And why do they keep having to use the Confederate Flag image in all their stuff?


I know that there’s an ongoing debate on the whole Confederate Flag thing. There are some who think that it’s a racist symbol. An image linked to the Confederacy, which seceded from the U.S. when Abraham Lincoln was elected because he campaigned for ceasing the expansion of slavery. Then there’s the racists who use it because they don’t like black people and shout “IT’S ABOUT STATE’S RIGHTS” when they get called on their bullshit.



Seriously, if you think the Confederate Flag isn’t steeped in racism then you’re either just dumb or you’re dumb and also racist.



I remember a few months ago when West St. Paul Councilman Ed Hansen made news for hanging a confederate flag in his backyard that said “redneck” (he subsequently took it down). From the article – “He sees the flag as a symbol of free speech and individual liberty.” The only way the Confederate Flag is connected to free speech is if you want to be free to yell “work harder, boy!” at a black guy that you’re making work for no pay.



As far as the “State’s rights” argument goes. Ask somebody who uses that argument which state’s rights they’re talking about. If they don’t have an answer (which they probably don’t), here’s one from the wikipedia page for state’s rights –



Supporters of slavery often argued that one of the rights of the states was the protection of slave property wherever it went, a position endorsed by the U.S. Supreme Court in the 1857 Dred Scott decision. In contrast, opponents of slavery argued that the non-slave-states’ rights were violated both by that decision and by the Fugitive Slave Law of 1850. Exactly which—and whose—states’ rights were the casus belli in the Civil War remain in controversy.



So basically the Rednecks for Obama are saying that ideally, he’d be a slave but since that can’t happen they’ll settle for President.