Spring is here and that means prom is approaching for millions of high school seniors across America and maybe other countries if they celebrate prom. Dresses are being purchased and limos are being rented for a magical night of dinner and dancing, hang gliding, arm wrestling contests and bear hunting.

Okay, I don’t really know what happens at prom. I couldn’t get a date in high school so I spent the night working at the gas station bitterly denying my classmates cigarette purchases because they didn’t have proper ID. Whatever.

Still, prom should be a special night for high schoolers. One they’ll remember for the rest of their lives. It certainly was going to be that way for a Tartan Senior High Student who got actress Megan Piper to be his prom date.



For those of you who aren’t familiar with the name you may have seen her in such films as Dirty Little Schoolgirls 3, Happy Endings Handjobs and Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Giving Head (okay I made that last one up but her whole filmography didn’t even have one real movie parody title!).

this is the only picture in existence of her wearing clothes.

Megan Piper’s a porn star and Tartan Senior Mike Stone is the coolest kid in America right now. Even the name Mike Stone sounds badass.

This kid sent out over 600 tweets to his favorite porn stars on twitter asking them to prom and Megan Piper responded she’d gladly attend if he would pay for the airfare. This kid was about to become a school legend. This would be talked about at the school for years. I know. I went to Tartan (class of 2000 whoo!) and the biggest things that ever happened when I went is that my friend Tony jumped in the dolphin tank at the Minnesota Zoo on a field trip and we put on a pretty good production of West Side Story.



This kid’s dreams were about to come true until the school decided to step in and forbade Mike from bringing Megan to the prom, stating that it’s inappropriate to bring an adult film star to a high school dance. Apparently Oakdale, MN is now the town from Footloose (the original, not the remake).

Am I the only one who doesn’t see a problem here? It’s not like they’re going to shoot a scene on the dance floor. In fact, Mike would probably be the only kid at prom guaranteed to not get laid that night (she’s an actress, not a whore). All the girls at the prom would have somebody to call a slut other than whoever the slutty girl at school is, giving the girls a nice change of pace and the slutty girl a break. Local news crews would probably cover the event, giving the prom that “red carpet lined with paparazzi” feeling.

Shame on you, Tartan High. I used to be proud to be a Titan and now I’m wondering if all those mandatory pep rallies I went to even meant anything.