Tag Archives: presidential race

Ugh. Mitt Romney.

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Well, according to MSNBC, Mitt Romney is pretty much assuming he’s got the primary in the bag and unless there’s some big upset from Santorum, Romney does have the primary in the bag. Looks like it’s going to be Romney vs. Obama for the general election and I’m not pleased.


Half the shit I do on this blog is political and I have to say during the primaries, I’ve really had fun ripping on Santorum and Gingrich but that’s because their crazy has personality and flair! Look at what the other guys are bringing to the table –


Santorum
* thinks sperm are people
* thinks women are things
* thinks gays are demons
* think’s Obama’s a nig – uh
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeaA8nkiWdk&w=420&h=315]


Gingrich
* Cheated on his first wife. Divorced her when she had cancer and married his mistress.
* Cheated on second wife. Divorced her and married The Joker.

She looks like a harlequin baby all growed up (go ahead and google image search "harlequin baby". I dare you).


* Tried to get Clinton impeached for cheating
* Probably cheating on his wife right now as you read this.


Ron Paul
*Wild Card! Is he racist? Is he crazy? Nobody knows the true story because nobody takes him seriously enough to actually do some serious investigation on him.

I know he likes biking. That's all I got on him for sure.




Look at that! A tree full of low hanging fruit for a lazy comedian like myself to pick at my lesiure but what am I stuck with? Mitt Romney. What’s he got going for him?

* He’s out of touch because he’s a super rich guy (but I already covered that).
* He’s Mormon and that’s weird but nobody seems to want to talk about that.


In a perfect world it’d be Michele Bachmann running against Obama but here I am stuck with dumb ol’ Romney. I might as well go back to writing my vampire detective novel.

Ugh. Even his picture on wikipedia is boring.

Mitt Romney: Out of Touch?

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Opposite Day Fox News posted an article about Mitt Romney saying yet another rich guy thing. This time he mentions about how a bunch of NFL team owners are friends of his during a question about football in a radio interview –


[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N43njcpNcHs&w=420&h=315]


Romney constantly faces accusations of being out of touch and not knowing what it’s like to not be insanely wealthy. You’d think people would want to know more about his weird religion –



Google autocomplete. Vox populi, vox dei.


but the scrutiny always falls on his “gaffes” that make him seem out of touch with the average American. Here’s a few choice quotes from the campaign trail that have made the news recently.


“I’m not concerned about the very poor. Fuck them. Fuck poor people. Ugh.” – Mitt Romney, following his victory in the Florida primary. CNN


“I love it here in the south! I’m learning to say y’all, I like grits, I own several slaves!” – Romney in a campaign speech in Mississippi. MSNBC


“I love Detroit automobiles! (My wife) Ann actually has two fresh Cadillacs flown in every week and she drives most of them before throwing them away.” – Romney stumping in Michigan. C-SPAN


“Thank you for the toilet paper bird!” – Mitt thanking a boy in Denver for folding him an origami cane out of a $1 bill. Washington Post.


“I’ve been a lifelong hunter. Small varmints, mostly. Also, genetically engineered manimals on Dick Cheney’s private island.” Romney explaining his love of hunting. AP.


“They look like ants from up here, don’t they? Like I could just crush them all by stepping on them and not feel a thing. Just thinking about it gives me an erection.” – On a flight from Dallas to Boston. NYT.



Seriously, he doesn’t seem that out of touch to me.



Oil portrait of Mitt Romney painted by Rembrant clone.