Tag Archives: paul ryan

Move Over, Obama Girl! There’s a Way Shittier Conservative Ripoff in Town!

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When it comes to political beliefs, so much of it is debatable opinion. What I think is right for this country can be wildly different from what somebody else thinks. So little of politics is actual verifiable fact but whatever you believe there is at least one undeniable truth in politics. Republicans suck at political comedy. Don’t believe me?



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o_3UIhK-Pw&w=420&h=315]



I’m so very sorry if you just watched that. Nobody should ever be subjected to The Half Hour News Hour but I’m trying to make a point here and I think I succeeded.



If that wasn’t example enough for you, we have this –



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyrN17jAiDw&w=560&h=315]



That’s Paul Ryan Girl. It’s a…parody of Obama Girl I guess? I think they’re trying to be funny, right? They did a song parody of “Let’s Get Physical” because he’s into P90X and this strung out crackwhore shows up who’s supposed to be the Obama Girl but she likes Paul Ryan now? Take that, Obama Girl and Obama!



In an interview with Sean Hateity the actress said that most of the negative feedback has just been superficial stuff like she’s not as Obama Girl which is weird because there’s totally a bunch of non superficial things wrong with this. Let’s start with the fact that Paul Ryan isn’t running for President. Why no Mitt Romney Girl? Why can’t this poor guy step out of the shadow of his running mate? Is it because he doesn’t look as good shirtless or is it harder to find shirtless pics of him because of the whole Mormon underwear thing?



Not mine. Click the pic for more Arrested Development quotes on campaign pics.





Also, the Obama Girl video was an original song. This is a parody. It’s the lowest form of musical comedy. Only one person in the world gets to get away with doing parody songs and that’s Weird Al. This ain’t Weird Al.



Also Obama Girl’s way hotter.


Seriously Though What Does the Vice President do?

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Vice President Joe Biden and Congressman Paul Ryan are preparing to face off Thursday in the only Vice Presidential debate of the campaign. Finally, we’ll get to hear what the Vice President and his opponent think. Their policies, their plans, their…



Man, I’m honestly having a hard time getting into this. I didn’t even give a shit about the presidential debates. Why would I care about the VP debates? I don’t even know what the VP does, anyway.



That’s not (completely) true. I have the average American’s knowledge of the Vice President’s duties. I know he’s the next in line for presidency if something happens to the president and I think he also presides over the Senate or something.



Okay, just checked wikipedia. He’s totally the president of the senate. Presides over it and casts tiebreaking votes. That seems like it’s important, right? I’m going to read up on this some more and find out if there’s any other duties.



Hold up. Turns out all that Senate stuff is actually usually handled by the President Pro Tempore. The VP doesn’t even do most of the President of the Senate shit. So what, does he just sit in an office all day waiting for the president to die? Is that a job?



“Hey, Barry. How’s it going? Everything all right? No heart problems? Alright, then. Guess I’ll head back to my office.”





Okay, after more reading it turns out the VP has a bunch of informal duties. Aside from being a presidential advisor, the VP is also the president’s total bitch. Really. From the wikipedia article – “Under the American system the President is both head of state and head of government, and the ceremonial duties of the former position are often delegated to the Vice President. The Vice President may meet with other heads of state or attend state funerals in other countries, at times when the administration wishes to demonstrate concern or support but cannot send the President himself.”



So that’s what the VP does. All the bullshit busywork that the president doesn’t want to do. Okay.



Well now I want to watch the debate Thursday even less. Who wants to watch a couple of errand boys go at it? Granted, if Romney wins, Paul Ryan will totally be running things. Remember this –
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CSVSwSaypg&w=560&h=315]


Legitimate Rape Jokes

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Here’s some news for you people who don’t have the internet, television or a conversation with anybody about politics in the last week. Republicans are really trying to soften the definition of rape.



It’s actually kind of creepy. First this Senate candidate in Missourah Todd Akin made his now incredibly famous remarks about a woman’s body shutting down in the case of a “legitimate rape”. Now VP candidate Paul Ryan calls rape “just another method of conception”. Earlier this year republicans were accused of waging a “war on women” but now they just narrowed their target down to rape victims, I guess.

legitimate asshole


With this unsettling contest of “which republic candidate can say the most horrific thing about rape” going on I can’t help but wonder on how Daniel Tosh feels about all this.


Think about it, two months ago Daniel Tosh made a rape joke onstage at the Laugh Factory and made fun of a heckler. Somebody blogged about it (inaccurately according laughspin, it went viral and Tosh became public enemy number 1. He still had some supporters, mostly stand up comics but the damage is done. He didn’t gain any new fans with this. Todd Akin said something way worse and he’s raised $100,000 in donations since the remarks. Paul Ryan said something way worse and it seems nobody but a couple people over at the Huffington Post even noticed.



What really makes what Akin and Ryan said worse is the fact that they have (or potentially will have) power to legislate laws concerning rape. Sure, Daniel Tosh shouldn’t have said what he did but at the end of the day he’s just a comedian. He may have used rape as subject matter for a joke but when you boil it down that’s all it was. A joke. So many people in the media vilified him but it’s not like he has any say in the laws concerning what governs rape, women’s reproductive health or general women’s rights. Akin and Ryan do and they’re getting treated with kid gloves compared to how Tosh got beat up by the media. If I was Daniel Tosh that would really get to me.



I guess the lesson here is that it’s not okay to say awful, dismissive things about rape unless you’re a republican politician. It’s Daniel’s fault he said that stuff in a comedy club. He should have said it on a morning news show or town hall meeting.

Romney Picks Worst Possible VP Candidate.

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So Mitt Romney finally decided to pick a veep and it’s US Rep. Paul Ryan. The news is doing their best to wring every possible story out of this from the left and the right. CNN won’t stop talking about how Ryan wants to eliminate Medicare or whatever and Fox News actually said he understands the working class because in high school he worked at a McDonald’s. Personally, I think this is the worst choice Romney could have made. Not because of Ryan’s policies, views or history. Paul Ryan is a shit choice because there’s nothing funny about him.



He even looks too normal. I mean, his ears are kind of big but not really… ugh.





There’s just nothing funny about the guy. He doesn’t hate gays or if he does he doesn’t really make it public, he doesn’t call Planned Parenthood a crime syndicate or anything like that. He doesn’t belong to a wacky religion or have a crazy wife. I can’t get an angle on this guy for humor because all he talks about is the economy.



Granted, his ideas are bad but they’re not “hilariously bad”. In fact, some of his ideas actually sound kind of good at first glance but when you do some nuanced deconstruction of what he’s saying you see that they’re really flawed. Like his idea to close all corporate tax loopholes while lowering the corporate tax amount sounds good but when you realize he doesn’t distinguish the difference between bullshit “loopholes” and credits to companies that keep work in the U.S, reduce carbon emissions etc. it’s pretty messed up. That’s why there’s so many videos on youtube of Paul Ryan “schooling” political news anchors and commentators. His ideas are the kind that you can just shout at somebody and if they don’t bother looking into it they kind of make sense but that’s not funny.



Seriously, Mitt could have done so much better with his choice. There were so many funny VP candidates to choose from. Crazy Ayotte, that tub-o-sweat Christie or even goofy ol’ Pawlenty but this is the guy he went with? What am I supposed to do with that?



The only thing that’s even remotely funny is that he’s got a huge boner for Ayn Rand. So much that he makes his staff read her books. The fact that he collected Social Security benefits from age 16-18 after his father’s death and used the money to pay for his education is kind of ironic and funny (especially since Ayn Rand collected Social Security, too) but I can’t really do too much with that.



Way to go, Mitt. You blew it.