Lord, it ain’t easy being a cop in Seattle these days.  The city of lights’ (that’s Seattle, right?) boys in blue are being worked to the bone trying to defend the populace from the terror that has become Occupy Seattle.  These sadistic criminal masterminds or “protesters” have done everything from standing around in Westlake park to sitting around in westlake park.

Since this is a free country and the first amendment protects the right to peacebly assemble or whatever the cops just can’t arrest the socialist nazi hippies but thankfully city hall has recently taken to interpreting certain laws as loosely as possible to make them horribly uncomfortable and easier to arrest. The Daily Kos reported that open umbrellas are now illegal to hold unless you are standing.

At first glance that seems like one of those wacky laws that was put in place 100 years ago that cities never bother repealing and never enforce. Stuff you find in some travel size bathroom reader almanac like “it’s unlawful for women to wear Santa Suits” and “it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on your head” (actual laws! thanks dumblaws.com!) but the actual law focuses on not being able to erect “structures” in the park. The City of Seattle’s reasoning is that if you’re standing with an umbrella, you’re just a dude holding an umbrella. If you sit down holding that umbrella, that umbrella is now a house somehow and that house is on city property.

So if you sit down holding an umbrella in a park in Seattle you can be arrested. Some people have.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_cs2b5RA3Y&w=560&h=315]

While arresting people for sitting down with an umbrella is quite an ingenious way to skirt around stupid formalities like “civil liberties”, I think the city of Seattle can create even more laws to get these malcontents to leave honest, god-fearin’ corporations alone. Here’s some suggestions.

– It is illegal to be in a Seattle park with an empty bladder.

– Owners must clean up after their dogs mess with their mouths.

– For everyone’s safety, you must wear a helmet provided by the park when in the park. All helmets are 20 pounds to ensure maximum safety.

Hopefully this all ends soon. I shudder to think what will happen if people keep voicing opinions like this.