Tag Archives: LOLCATS

I’ve Got a Case of the Goddamned Mondays

Posted on by
Reply

I know- I’m a homemaker. Mondays shouldn’t affect me anymore. When I took the gig, I was looking forward to not having to roll out of bed at 7 in the morning so I could get to work at 9, drink a bunch of tar that passes for something coffee like, and then walk people through creating desktop shortcuts. A typical conversation would have me saying “No, I want you to right click on the desktop. No, not the computer icon. Yes, that’s right. Right click on the picture of your cat.”

Look, if you could figure out how to change the wallpaper on your desktop to a picture of your cat, you should know what your desktop is. Hell, you probably right-clicked your desktop and went to properties to change your wallpaper in the first place.

LOLcats on a Monday morning. See, it’s funny ’cause cats don’t have jobs or drink coffee, but people do.

The point is, I left all that to spend days home, working on projects, helping my son school on-line, and keeping my home clean and cooking meals for my man. LIKE ANY GOOD WOMAN SHOULD.

But what really happens is that I get out of bed at 8, make breakfast for Jared and get him ready for school which he starts at 9, figure out the schooling for the day, and then I stare blankly at my computer screen trying to figure out what blog post I’m making for the day.

Ahem.

And still, Mondays are the worst. I spent all day yesterday curled up with my husband watching Parks and Rec, and now you’re telling me I have to deal with Monday again? Seriously, fuck Mondays.

And by Mondays, I do not mean black people.

Yeah, I know everyone else learned this a few months ago, but I’m just now catching up. If you have been living under a rock with me, this is for you. Monday = African American ethnic slur. For more on this, we turn to on the scene ace reporter Russell Peters:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnc6Asflzq8]

To be fair, if you’re going to be insulting, calling someone a Monday is possibly the worst day of the week you could throw at them. I mean, I really can’t think of a better day of the week to throw at someone.

There. the post is done. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to drinking coffee and looking at cute pictures of cats. Just not black ones.

What? It’s because they’re bad luck.

Racist.

Internet Love

Posted on by
1

I love technology. I love computers. And I absolutely love the internet. I kinda want to make out with the internet. Were it legal, I would leave Bill and marry the internet.

Let me tell you about the start of my internet romance.

Before Al Gore invented the internet, we had archaic computer communications in the form of Bulletin Board Systems (BBS). They were pretty neat. You could post messages and others could respond to them, kinda like internet forums or message boards nowadays. Only no pictures. Just text. Maybe if you were lucky, some really shitty ASCII art.

The homo erectus of the internet. According to new world creationists, this never existed.

When I was 10, I would connect to BBS via the Apple IIe and a 300 baud modem over a telephone line. I’m trying to think of a comparison for the kids, but I can’t. I would start the connection, go make myself a sandwich, eat said sandwich, wash the dish, and then maybe the computer would have connected and the Board loaded. Usually not.

I would spend all weekend on the BBS… until I discovered the internet. IT HAD PICTURES!!!!! I dropped BBS like a bad lan line connection and never looked back. I had my first website hosted on a Berkely server in 95, then moved to geocities…

Love at first site.

I have spent thousands of hours on the internet, searching every nook and corner of it. I got a programming degree and helped build some of it. I spent so much time web programming that I once wrote java script WHILE ASLEEP IN A DREAM.

Why do I bring this up? I think my son was actually fathered by the internet.

This morning, I made him eggs and toast for breakfast. I call him to the breakfast table, and he says “ERMAHGERD! ERGS ERN TERST!!!”

He commonly asks for things starting with the phrase “I CAN HAZ?”

When ever something upsets him, he says “Sad face.”

I think he considers LOLCATS pets.

HIS HAPPY FACE LOOKS JUST LIKE AN EPIC FACE!

Today he talked about his eggs and toast in ERMAHGERD, and I looked at him and said “You are a human being! YOU ARE NOT A MEME!!!” Shortly thereafter, he excused himself from the table with BRB, and then gave me a huge LOL and scurried back to his computer.

Sigh. He is JUST like his father.