Tag Archives: jobs

Another Craigslist Job Posting!

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Hello, boys and girls! It’s time again for the craigslist job posting game! For those of you who haven’t read the previous posts, people post awful “talent” gigs on craigslist and I respond to them. It’s that simple!

Once again we go to the tv/film/video/radio jobs posting for some truely ridiculous low rent reality show fuckery.


MY STRANGE ADDICTION Now Casting! (MN/WI)

Date: 2011-11-11, 2:39PM CST

My Strange Addiction is searching for men and women with strange addictions, compulsive behaviors, and quirky habits or obsessions, who would like to share their stories on this documentary television series.

This program will explore how your addiction developed and how it has been impacting your life.

Your addiction may be serious, silly, strange, or embarrassing, but if it’s affecting your life, we’d like to help. All participants will be provided with professional medical and/or psychological insights, as best fits your situation.

If you or someone you know has a strange addiction, respond to this ad with your name, age, city/state, and a brief description of your addiction or behavior.

We understand that any addiction can be difficult to discuss, and we appreciate you sharing your story with us. All inquiries will be kept confidential. We hope to hear from you soon!





Here’s my response.


Hi. My name is Bill and I’m a 29 year old male living in Minneapolis.

I saw your ad in Craigslist asking for people with weird addictions and I’m not sure that this fits the classic terminology of “addiction” but my family has told me that I am very much addicted and in need of help. I’m a fartaholic.

I can’t stop farting. I refuse to. I fart all the time. I’m farting right now as I type this. I just think it feels good and it’s funny and I love the smell. I tailor my diet to encourage farting with what I call “the three Bs” (beans, broccoli and beer).

It’s destroying my home life. My family refuses to be in the same room as me most of the time and our heating bill is incredibly high since we need to keep a window open most of the time in the dead of winter. My job is at risk as well. I obviously don’t just fart around my coworkers in my office but I take so many restroom breaks to “let one rip” my manager has forced me to undergo drug testing because he thinks I’m sneaking off to do cocaine. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth so I lied and said I only have one kidney and have to pee every hour.

It’s getting dangerous for me, too. I’ve started lighting my farts. It’s mesmerizing but my family’s afraid that I could get hurt. My daughter actually looked at me and said between sobs “Please don’t blow up daddy!” I don’t know what to do.

If you could help me or at least get my story out there so people like me could know they wouldn’t be alone I would be very grateful.


Oh man if I actually land this gig I may have to fart a little more than usual when the cameras are on me.

Craigslist Job Posting Friday!

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After responding to the sex blogger ad from craigslist I thought I’d make it a weekly thing to seek out and respond to craigslist creative job postings because


1. It’s really fun.
2. Craigslist has no shortage of awful “creative” job postings.


This week’s job posting is found in the “TV/Film/Video/Radio” section.


Casting: People With Animalistic Behaviors

Nothing is too bizarre. Some stories we have explored are: a man who altered himself to look like a lizard, a man living in a dog house, a woman who eats cat food.

Casting PEOPLE WITH EXTREME ANIMAL BEHAVIORS for a new documentary-style cable television series.

If you have an obsession with animals that someone in your life finds bizarre, we’d like to tell your story.

Do you know someone who Looks like animal? Lives like an animal? Acts like an animal?

We are interested in ANY animal obsession or behavior

Contact us at myprimalbehavior@gmail.com or call us toll free 1-855-animal-5.

www.myprimalbehavior.com


Here’s the email I sent to them.


I saw your ad asking for people who display “animalistic behaviors” and I think I may be doing just that. I think I’m becoming a cat. Let me explain.

I think this has been slowly building up for years but I’ve just put the pieces together recently. I’ve always been a cat lover but haven’t been able to keep any recently because I’ve developed an allergy in adulthood. Even though I don’t own cats, I have a bunch of cat toys. I buy new laser pointers almost every week and have an extensive collection of stuffed mice on strings. I even have a “stash” of catnip that I huff when nobody’s around. I know it doesn’t do anything physically but it calms me.

I’ve kept these things from my family but some behaviors are a little harder to hide. I’ve always enjoyed when my wife scratches behind my ear and anytime I’m laying down and she runs her hand down my back I involuntarily thrust my butt up in the air. This stuff has been easily explained away as weird physical ticks and even I didn’t think this was all “cat like”. Maybe I was just in denial but I couldn’t deny what happened last month.

My wife was out of town for the weekend and I was home all alone. I started to feel isolated, trapped. I felt she abandoned me and my resentment grew so much that I pooped on her pillow. I felt ashamed about what I did but I didn’t clean it up. When she got home she was shocked and all I could say was “Maybe now you’ll think twice before leaving me!”

I felt bad about what I did, though so I killed a bird with a BB gun and gave it to her as a gift.

My wife, having figured out what has been going on all these years (I even showed her my secret catnip stash), has been very supportive of my condition. She runs the can opener when dinner is ready and if I have my feet up on the coffee table she’ll spray me with a water bottle.

Let me know my story would be a good fit for your show!



I’ll keep you updated if there’s any replies. If you see any shitty job postings you’d like me to apply for, please leave a comment or email the link to bill@youngnotions.com !