Tag Archives: Indian

Halloween Costumes… SEXY Halloween Costumes! Part 1

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Halloween is right around the corner. And you know what that means?

Time for horribly made, horribly offensive, and horribly wrong sexy Halloween costume shopping!!! Ladies, I did all the footwork this year so you don’t have to. And by footwork, I mean I went to exactly ONE website. One that was posted to my Facebook feed by alert reader Seth. Actually, I’m not sure he reads this blog. And he can be kind of distracted sometimes, but overall, I guess he’s pretty alert…

So, because fairly alert maybe reader Seth posted this one website, I spent over an hour perusing the site, and gathering only the best of the worst of what www.yandy.com had to offer. I should add that I’ve not only posted the pictures, but they all link back to their purchase page. Also, if you hover over the pictures, you get the awful names for each outfit (“Deluxe Combat Camo Chick” will totally kick your ass unless she chips a nail first).

You’re welcome.

So, the above starts us off with the standard “sexy occupation” costumes. There were far more than the above, way more than I could post here. I actually had many more tabs open with many more occupations, but then my internet browser crashed and I had to restart my computer. That is a true story- there were so many. There were also a lot of “sexy school girls”:

In fact, there’s an entire section of them. I understand the appeal… It’s a pretty easy costume to pull off, and it’s pretty much guarenteed to get you laid if you so choose. In fact, I’ve done it before. It’s how I got to know my BabyDaddy. Show up to a cast party for RenFest in a schoolgirl outfit, and return the following year with a 2 month old infant.

Speaking of RenFest, we could redo the Renaissance Festival in “sexy Renaissance” costumes…

…especially those belly dancing gypsies…

…but quite frankly, our costumes are already pretty damn sexy, and WAY better put together. Also, I’m not entirely sure anyone would notice the difference.

Speaking of, did you know that Gypsy is actually a derogatory term for the Romani people? It’s true! So not only were those above costumes slutty, but they were also racist. LEt’s marginalize women AND stereotype minorities at the same time!!! And… GO!

1) I would have put the Maid costume here as well, since usually they’re listed as “French Maid”, but they didn’t do so on here. You get a pass this time, Yandy.
2) Naughty Vodka Geisha Girl? Are you kidding me? SAKE, for crying out loud. If you’re going to do it, at least stick with the same country, assholes.

Religion also get touched on frequently, but I was surprised that Yandy didn’t have any sexy nuns. I was not surprised, but still disappointed, that they didn’t have any sexy Rabbis. However, I do feel the need to point out one particular “sexy religion” costume:

Yes, the witch is a religious figure. I know, I’m a Christian, and therefore I’m supposed to find anything not Christian as Devil Worship. Well, let me break another stereotype for you… I don’t. In fact, some of my best friends are Wiccan. It’s a lovely set of beliefs, many of which (not witch) revolve around nature. In fact, their calendar is based off of the sun, moon, stars.. and their positions in the sky.

Samhain, on October 31st, is the Gaelic Pagan festival celebrating the summer’s end. Halloween, or All Hallow’s Eve, is commonly thought to have its roots in Samhain. Thus why the sexy witch is such a common Halloween costume. But let me dis-spell this stereotype right now: some witches are sexy. And some witches are not.

But mostly, they’re sexy. I mean, look at them:

God DAMN! Look at those witches! They be smokin’!

Gotta get me some candy. Witches love candy!

Dreaming of Doilies

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I love crafting tutorials.

What is a crafting tutorial? It’s a tutorial that tells you how to craft something (duh). Sometimes it’s about making your own green grocery bags (have 50 on me). Sometimes it’s about making little girl’s dresses out of dad’s old work shirts (you’d be surprised how many of these there are). Sometimes it’s about repurposing an old thing lying around to be a different old thing lying around (I was wondering what to do with that old Vespa scooter I had lying around. Okay, not true, but I live in uptown. I’m just going to steal some douche-bag hipster’s Vespa to make this).

Many times, you can come up with your own crafting tutorial. Simply put a doily on it.

I’m not kidding. Take a t-shirt and add a doily to it. Take a jar and add a doily to it. Take a cushion and add a doily to it. In fact, I was reading a tutorial that I really liked. It’s about repurposing an old suitcase to be used as a vanity, with hooks under it for towels, and when you close the front of it AAAAAAH IT”S ANOTHER FUCKING DOILY!!!

It used to be Grandpa's suitcase til Grandma got a hold of it...

I think my love of crafting goes back to when I was a kid. In the summers, my brother and I spent our days being watched by a friend of our mom’s who was a Native American (I mean, I bet she still is Native American, but she was also Native American back then). She made her living making crafts out of beads and feathers and porcupine quills off of road kill. I’m not kidding about this… she had bags in the car and if we came across a dead animal, she would carefully (so as not to touch the dead thing) wrap it in a bag and bring it home and boil it. It makes me smile to think of how many fancy ladies bought their oh so authentic Indian jewelry and showed off the dangly porcupine quill earings that they got from a real Indian woman THAT WAS MADE OUT OF ROADKILL.

Growing up, I learned how to do all this crafting. Hell, I probably paid for any daycare expenses by the amount of jewelry I made. I also got to work on feather shields. But the most sacred and holy was the dream catcher. I really had to earn that with her. She told me the stories that her people believed about the dream catcher, how the dreams would get caught in the web, and how the good dreams would be able to find their way to the stones and travel down the feather to the sleeper below, while the bad dreams would get stuck and dry up with the morning sun.

It’s a beautiful story. As I was thinking back to it, I wondered if there was more to it than that, if there was something I wasn’t remembering right. So I hopped in the Googles and looked up dream catchers, and-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's very authentic.

Another fucking doily.