I saw the first Human Centipede in the theater with my friend Mike.  It was gross, over the top and unintentionally funny.  I don’t regret seeing it but I wouldn’t watch it again.  Movies about people sewn ass to mouth don’t really lend themselves to repeat viewings, much less beg for a sequel.

Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence), however, was released last week in the US and answers all the questions nobody ever asked ever after watching the first movie.  Questions like –

1.  What if somebody watched the movie more than once?

2.  What if somebody watched the movie more than once and got off on it?

3.  What if that person tried to make their own Human Centipede out of 12 people?

Seriously.  Human Centipede 2 is about a guy who gets obsessed with the movie and tries to make his own human centipede.  Also, according to the Human Centipede wiki, “the director promises that the movie will be much gorier than the first full of ‘the blood and shit’ that viewers did not see in the first film” because that’s what was lacking, I guess.

What’s even worse is that horror movies never have just one sequel.  By creating one sequel to Human Centipede, IFC Films has unknowingly opened the floodgates to a franchise that will give us a new movie about people forced to eat poop every year until the concept of sewing asses to mouths is tired and stale.  People will see Human Centipede Halloween costumes at Target and roll their eyes because that was so last year.

I wouldn’t be suprised if, two years from now, we see a Movie poster with a human centipede wearing Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses on a surfboard for “Human Centipede 5:  Hang 30!”.