Tag Archives: fuck

The Sequester Explained Fuckily.

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Today marks the exciting conclusion of the US Budget Shitshow trilogy. The Debt Ceiling, the Fiscal Cliff and now finally the Sequestor. For the few of you who don’t know what this is about, I’ll fucking break this shit down for you.



America’s fucked. We owe a bunch of fucking money to China or whatever. We were flying high 12 years ago but then Bush put in a bunch of tax cuts. The Bush tax cuts alone wouldn’t have fucked us but then two wars and the economy tanking royally fucked us and now we’re fucked.



Like, seriously fucked.



So the government is trying to fix this shit but these fuckers can’t agree on shit. The Democrats, usually represented in the media by the fucking president –

This fucker

This fucker





Think that we should fix this shit by fucking rich people with tax hikes to the top earners. The fucking republicans, usually represented in the media by the fucking speaker of the house –



This cocksucker

This cocksucker


(note: This is his official congressional portrait. I didn’t choose this pic simply because he’s obviously wearing pretty heavy makeup. Seriously though he looks like he was going to a showing of Rocky Horror as soon as that photo shoot was done.)



Want to fuck poor people by gutting social programs.



Both fucking sides can’t agree on who to fuck. The best option would probably be to fuck everybody just a little but neither side wants to look like they’re fucking the fuckers who fucking voted for them so they’re not fucking moving. Since they can’t compromise we’re now royally fucked.



Defense is getting fucking slashed. Government employees are going to get fucking furloughed. All this shit is gonna rain down on us like a fucking diarrhea waterfall.



All because these fuckers in Washington can’t get their fucking heads out of their asses.



It’s a bunch of fucking bullshit.

First They Took the Massholes…

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It is illegal to swear in public in Middleborough, MA.


Well, it’s been illegal for a long time in that town but it was one of those old wacky laws nobody ever enforces like “all bathtubs must have feet” or “women are prohibited from wearing Santa suits” (actually most of those “dumb laws” you hear about are totally not true). The law was recently decriminalized, though and now cops can issue $20 fines for swearing.



“Officials insist the proposal was not intended to censor casual or private conversations, but instead to crack down on loud, profanity-laden language used by teens and other young people in the downtown area and public parks.” So it’s not like they’re just trying to crack down on First Amendment protected free speech… okay they are but all that swearing really makes some people uncomfortable.



Honestly, swearing is just part of the climate in Massachusetts. If you live near Orlando it’s gonna get pretty humid and if you live near Boston it’s gonna get pretty vulgar.



It’s really not a big deal. Of course it’s unconstitutional to fine people for speaking but it’s not like this is the first domino in a chain that leads to Orwellian Thought Police. Shit like this happens all the time. The ACLU will go down to Middleborough and throw a tantrum and the law will be reversed.



While I’m all for that happening, part of me wants to see what it would be like in the Massachusetts town where Massholes were fined for swearing. Tell a Masshole they can’t swear (sweah) and you might as well tell them they can’t breathe air (aeh). Guys in the street will soon be yelling at each other with TV edit swears so they don’t get arrested. Cut somebody off in Middleborough and you might hear them shout “YOU PIECE OF SHRIMP MELLON FARMER!” out their car window.



That’s only going to hold them over for so long, though. Pretty soon people will be gathering in the basements of bars for “sweareasies” so they can cut loose without fear of reprisal.



“Hey, fuck you, buddy! Oh man that felt good to say.”





The first rule of swear club is go fuck yourself, asshole.