Tag Archives: fish

Sex and Murder… Real Lady Killers

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve recently been working with Six Elements Theater on their upcoming production of Zastrozzi.

I hate film trailers for live theater. It always comes across awkward to me. It’s like taking a picture of a painting and telling people to come to the art gallery. There’s just so much you’re missing, and what you get is so misrepresented. Trying to capture live theater on camera… It always feels so melodramatic to me.

Yeah… just a bit. But the play itself is so goddamned good. It’s evil and sex and murder and some incredible stage combat. I’ve seen the rehearsals. It’s pretty frigging amazing.

I got called in as a weapons specialist. The weapon, you ask? Feminine wiles.

It started off as a bit of a joke. One of the actresses and I were playing with a specific scene, and I suggested a movement to help make everything sexy dangerous. The director wanted me involved for my skills in movement and playing seductive. And we came up with that fantastic title for my theater resume.

I’m incredibly excited to pair it up with this headshot:

It's not the sword that you should be worried about...

It’s not the sword that you should be worried about…

Turns out, feminine wiles is a very real and dangerous weapon.

Let’s start with the murder attempt that keeps YoungNotions at the “adult” level of entertainment. A woman from Brazil tried to kill her husband by putting poison on her cooter and convincing him to go down on her.  He said that it almost worked, too. But when he was there, he thought something smelled fishy.

Not that fishy. The other fishy. Gross.

Sensing something not right, he brought her to the hospital and told staff there about the strange odor. They ran some tests, and found traces of poison.

I have a vilification tennis insult that goes “The last man to eat you out died of food poisoning.” I never thought someone would take that as a suggestion.

That’s not the only attempt on a mans life with lady bit this month. A couple weeks ago a woman actually smothered her boyfriend to death with her boobs. They had been drinking and fighting, and apparently she just climbed on top of him and buried his face in her heaving bosom.

She had a chest that could take your breath away.

Computerized Comedy

Posted on by
3

Some of you know that I have a fascination with computer animation. There’s something about that plastic, shiny world that just captivates me. Up to, and including computer animated Barbie.

She’s a Barbie girl, in her Barbie world.

It’s true. I love computer animated Barbie. I own several computer animated Barbie movies on VHS. It’s pretty much the only reason we still have a VCR.

Don’t judge me.

I admit, Barbie is pretty girly. I think most people agree I’m not much of a girly girl. I rarely wear dresses, and I could care less about my cuticles. I do own several pairs of heels, but usually only wear the flats. Heels are painful, and I can’t run in them. If the zombie apocalypse comes, I want to be able to out-run those fuckers.

However, I do applaude these guys:

They’re wearing the heels for height.

This is apparently (I haven’t verified it, but seems legit) a picture taken from Walk a Mile in her Shoes, an event to raise awareness of sexual assault. Seriously, major kudos. It takes a big man with tiny feet to do something like that.

Anyway, I bring up my fascination with computer animation because I found something I’m just not quite sure how I feel about it. It’s a computer animated show from Japan, and though my first reaction to it is “oooh… shiny….” after watching a couple episodes, I’m left blinking and confused.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you The Mole Brothers!
[youtube=http://youtu.be/pL13yhRjMqA]

Like, okay. I love vaudeville and slapstick, and I can definitely see how this has borrowed from those traditions. But usually, to do vaudeville, you need jokes that are, well, JOKES. They have a great set up and punchline delivery, but what they’re delivering is… well, it’s like ordering a unique dress and getting a fish. It’s unique, but not really something you can wear.

And I’m going to take a stance here. Slapstick is only really funny if it’s real people doing it. I know, I’m judging these performers based on their non-existence outside of conceptual, but if it can’t actually hurt them, what’s the point? Look, I hate to be a realist about this, but without the physical, there’s nothing to actually hurt. If there’s no pain, there’s no funny.

I guess my whole problem with the show is that it lacks substance. Nothing solid there. Just a lot of tossed around ideas.