I’m not scared to admit that I have a lot of fears in life but my top three are cops (which I’ve talked about on here before), heights and bees.



The bee fear is always ratcheted up at the end of summer. Bees are at the end of their life cycle, just itching to sting something and flying around goddamn everywhere. A customer asked me yesterday if I was allergic to bees and I told her I wasn’t sure because I’ve never been stung because I AM SCARED OF BEES.



It’s a little embarrassing to throw my arms up, scream like an 8 year old and run away whenever a bee comes toward my head but I just can’t stand them. I’ve had friends make fun of me for this fear but it’s totally legitimate! I’ll give you three reasons you should be afraid of the tiny little menace.



THEY’RE NATURE’S SUICIDE BOMBERS
The common honeybee will gladly throw it’s life away to sting you, knowing that it probably won’t take down something 1000X it’s own size all in the service of it’s queen. That is fanatical, cult like behavior and it’s not to be trusted. That’s why God dresses them like tiny little prisoners.



FUCK WITH A HORNET, FUCK WITH HIS WHOLE POSSE
Most wasps can mobilize a whole nest to defend against any intruders using attack pheremones. These same pheremones are released upon death. So if you kill a wasp, his whole hive will swear a blood oath of revenge on you until you kill them all, move out of the country or change your clothes and shower.



HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE ENDING OF “MY GIRL?”
Spoiler alert: Bees ruin everything.

This hit especially hard if you were 8 years old when Home Alone came out so Macaulay Culkin was pretty much your hero. Bees just killed the coolest kid in the world. Then he came back to life evil in The Good Son. I blame the bees for that.



I understand that we need bees for pollination and blah blah but can’t we just train butterflies to do that? Everybody loves butterflies. They’d probably make kickass honey, too if we gave them a chance.



Fuck bees.