I’m a huge fan of the Steven Brust books, and most especially the Vlad Taltos series. Maybe it’s because the series doesn’t neatly fall into fantasy or sci-fi, but plays each genre against the other to create a very full and complicated world. Maybe it’s because he tends to deal in philosophical concepts and character development with witty banter and natural character interaction. Maybe it’s because I love sword fighting and mysteries. Maybe it’s because I grew up with his children as some of my closest friends and devoured his books throughout my childhood. Maybe it’s because I consider Brust a friend, having had long philosophical talks with him (ie- having talked with him for more than 5 minutes) and worked with him at RenFest.

Oh, you think this article has topped out its geek factor at drumming with a sci-fi/fantasy author at a Ren Faire? Buckle up kids- it’s about to get all sorts of geeky up in this post.

Yeah, I know this guy. No big deal.

I bring up the series because in the world where it takes place, there is an Empress, and every citizen of that Empire has a psychic link to the Orb, which the Empress monitors at all times. In one of the books, the protagonist (usually) of the books, who has had a link to this Orb since he was a child, is told that every citizen, due to the nature of the Orb, has the ability to psychically talk to the Empress at any given time. When the main character suggests that this must be a hassle for the Empress, his friend assured him that no, she actually gets very little in direct psychic communication because if the Empress doesn’t find your topic important enough, she simply destroys the sender via the Orb.

It’s like shooting the messenger times a thousand.

In September of 2011, the WhiteHouse.gov website saw the addition of the “We the People” petition section (petitions.whitehouse.gov). Any person can create and post a petition to this site, and if it gets enough virtual signatures, it gets reviewed by the Obama Administration and you are given an answer.

“My administration is committed to creating an unprecedented level of openness in government. We will work together to ensure the public trust and establish a system of transparency, public participation and collaboration. Openness will strengthen our democracy and promote efficiency and efffectiveness in government.”

— President Barack Obama

Our president can be so very adorably idealist at times. I just wanna give him a giant rainbow hug, wrapped in sunshine, and decorated with kittens.

This is the same petition process that, when Obama was re-elected, all 50 states had at least one disgruntled dude file a petition to secede. Which isn’t how that works, even though 7 of these petitions got enough signatures for review. So the Administration will have to review them and give them an answer. The answer will be “no- fuck you. That’s not how you secede, dumbass” but they will get an answer.

Do you know what else will have to be reviewed by the Obama Administration? A petition that just barely got the required number of signatures in which the petitioner asks the President to “secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016.”

Honey? Can you pick up a Death Star on your way home from work? We’re out.

The petition goes on to describe how doing so would contribute to job creation and national defense. And honestly, dude makes a valid point. Having an active space program where we put money into research and development does create jobs and can give us a scientific edge compared to other countries, including national defense.

Now, where did I put that NASA funding? Oh, right. Here it is. Just about to fall of the fiscal cliff, resulting in thousands of jobs lost, but successfully cutting millions out of the federal budget.

I’m certain that the Obama Administration is going to review the Death Star petition, and review our economy and the budget, and, once they pick themselves up off the floor from laughing so hard, respond with a well thought out and carefully crafted message. But I really want them to respond with three short but meaningful words:

“IT’S A TRAP!”