Tag Archives: economy

Too Fat to Fail

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Sometimes it’s hard to believe the economy sucks. With all the cheap, modern conveniences afforded to us it’s kind of difficult to compare today to the great depression. Here I am, poor as shit and I’m typing away on my laptop in my heated home trying not to get distracted by the thought of the bacon wrapped hot dogs I’m going to make for lunch. Not exactly dust bowl farmer material sitting here.


Oh how will I ever afford that new IiPad case?




Even though it can be difficult to really feel the effect of the poor economy, it’s not impossible. There’s certain things that make you realize, without a doubt, that we are in trouble. For example, Hostess is declaring bankruptcy.





You know the economy’s in the shitter when you can’t turn a profit selling Twinkies in America. This company was founded in 1930 during the beginning of the great depression and they somehow managed to claw their way to the top by shoving sugared fat down the throats of Americans until we became the fattest country in the world and now they’re failing? Yeah, it’s a recession.


Cnn reports that Hostess will still churn out the cupcakes and Ding Dongs while filing bankruptcy but it owes $21 million to it’s employees for services rendered and $1 billion to creditors. Now Hostess says it will continue operation and won’t shut down any plants or layoff any employees but how long can they go without paying them? 83% of their employees are union and they’ll probably tolerate being paid in Sno Balls for so long. How long will this go on before Hostess goes under?


I think we all know what needs to happen. Federal bailout.


Think about it. Hostess is an American icon and they would only need like less than %2 the amount that was used to bail out the banks. Why can’t they get a bailout? I don’t even bank with the big banks but I eat Zingers like a motherfucker.


Brother, can you spare $1 billion in stimulus?

Horseburgers.

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Sometimes it’s actually hard to believe the economy is in the shitter. I’m poor as hell but I still have a phone that gives me high speed internet pretty much anywhere I go. I’m typing this post from one of the multiple computers in my home. All these cheap modern conveniences make it hard to identify with those great depression era pictures of dirty faced tramps standing in bread lines.


This is actually the line for the iPhone 4.




Certain things really put the current state of the economy in perspective though, like this story stating we may start slaughtering horses for food.


From the story, “Horses could soon be butchered in the U.S. for human consumption after Congress quietly lifted a 5-year-old ban on funding horse meat inspections, and activists say slaughterhouses could be up and running in as little as a month.”


Wait, 5-year-old ban? We were slaughtering horses for meat 5 years ago? I don’t remember seeing horse steaks at Cub Foods 5 years ago but I was a bachelor then and only went to the store five times a year.


According to the article, the last slaughterhouse that butchered horses closed in 2007 and most of the meat was sent off to foreign countries for consumption. Most of the meat. Where did the other stuff go? Have I eaten horse before and not known it? Did I like it?


The main reason, according to the pro-slaughter group United Horsemen (the fact that a pro-horse-slaughter group exists is hilarious), has stated that reopening horse slaughterhouses will create jobs. Horse slaughtering jobs.


Also from the article, “Sue Wallis, a Wyoming state lawmaker who’s the group’s vice president, said ranchers used to be able to sell horses that were too old or unfit for work to slaughterhouses but now they have to ship them to butchers in Canada and Mexico, where they fetch less than half the price.” So wait, we only get the shitty old horses to eat?


The group says that an entire section of the agriculture industry was crippled because people won’t eat horses purely out of “sentimental and romantic” reasons. Also, their manes make it look like they have people hair so that’s kind of weird.

Look at this and tell me you want to eat it.




When it comes down to it, you probably won’t see McDonald’s offering a horseburger anytime soon. This country has apparently been slaughtering horses for years and I’ve never seen it available. Who knows? Maybe it’ll become a high end fancy meat. There’s this place in uptown that will let you eat guinea pig for like $30.



All it takes is the right marketing. I say I’d never eat horse meat but if the Minnesota State Fair had deep fried horse on a stick next year, I’d probably try it. It worked for alligator meat.


What do you think? Leave a comment. Would you eat horse? How would you like it? Burger, steak, horse tacos? Did you imagine a horse in a sombrero when you read horse tacos? It’s okay, I totally imagined one while writing it.