Tag Archives: drugs

Drunk Post, by Bill Young

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Friday night I had too much to drink. Far too much to drink.



I planned on a quiet night in or perhaps going to the CCUG open micbut I ended up getting a call from my friend Josh who runs Club Underground at the Spring Street Tavern. He needed somebody to work the door and would pay a modest fee and throw in some free booze as well.



Some = all. I drank all the booze. There’s none left. Go to any liquor store today. You’ll just find the employee shrugging and saying something like “I don’t know. It’s… all gone.” It’s all gone because I drank it all in one night working the door for a hip hop show.



As the cab drove me home that night, I stuck my head out the window like a dog because the breeze on my face helped fight the dizzyness. I asked the driver to stop a few blocks short of my house because I wanted to walk around a bit before I got home. It was a beautiful night out and if I were to lay down at that moment I would have got the spins something awful. This was about 2:45 AM.



Pay attention to that time, there. I’m taking a writing class at The Learning Annex and I’m trying something out my instructor calls “foreshadowing”.



About 15 minutes into my winding journey home I stumbled across three African (like, actual African. They had the accents) teenagers hanging out in an open minivan. One of them called out to me and says “Hey, man! You know where we can get some ruffies?”



I thought for a moment about how awesome it is that I look like a date rapist at first glance, politely tell them that I don’t and ask why they’d want ruffies in the first place.



“Because they get you high, right?”



Oh, thank god! For a second I thought they pegged me for a sex offender but in reality they just thought I was a drug addict! I tell them what it’s commonly used for, why you shouldn’t use that and that it’s probably hard to find anyway but I wouldn’t know because I’ve never even looked for the stuff before! I mean, come on!



We talk for a while, I assure them I don’t have any drugs and don’t know where to find any, only now realizing I could’ve totally pranked them by telling them to try smoking nutmeg or dog shit for a buzz. I then invite them to my show the next night at the CCUG, regretting that I didn’t have any business cards with me (they never showed up anyway so fuck ’em). We parted ways and I stumbled in the vague direction of my home. Little did I know that my night was far from over…



You like what I just did there? More Leaning Annex magic my instructor taught me called a “cliffhanger”. Thanks to my instructor, mystery novel author Jeanette Michaels and be sure to check out her book –







Buy it at her etsy store today!


Marijuana: The Most Dangerous Thing Ever.

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A group in Colorado is pushing for the legalization of recreational marijuana use. The group, according to their website regulatemarijuana.org, wants to “regulate marijuana like alcohol”. By use of billboards intentionally parked over the seediest of liquor stores –



The wine racks at that place are stocked exclusively with Night Train and MD 20/20





and tv commercials –



[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCVc_kLfjMg&w=420&h=315]


trying to put a relatable face on the issue because I guess this guy wasn’t winning over a lot of voters –



Legalize it, man! You’ll wear shitty necklaces and never wash your hair again!





They’re whole campaign is based on the idea that marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol. While there are nearly 40,000 alcohol related deaths in America each year the fact is that marijuana, also know as Blunt, dope, ganja, grass, herb, joint, bud, Mary Jane, pot, reefer, green, trees, smoke, sinsemilla, skunk, weed, hash, tea, chronic, 420 (source: abovetheinfluence.com) has a lot of dangerous and fatal side effects that people rarely talk about. Let’s look at some of the risks you’re taking when you smoke “reefer”.


*Cheeto Overdose: When under the influence of “sinsemilla”, people often disregard the “dangerously cheesy” warning on the label and snack with abandon.

* Over-appreciation of Pink Floyd: Have you ever listened to Pink Floyd? I mean, like, really listened to Pink Floyd? I don’t think you get it. You really need to just listen to what Pink Floyd is saying and you’ll get it, man. You’ll get it.

*Increased Tolerance of Jim Breuer: If you find this funny, call a doctor immediately.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq2EIPLmoeY&w=560&h=315]


For more information on the dangers of marijuana, contact a stuffy authority figure.

Minneapolis Cops Accused of Baffling “Drugs for Nothing” Program.

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Holy shit. City Pages just put up a story about how Minneapolis cops are supposedly cruising Occupy protests to find people who are high and take them to a facility to take part in an impairment study. Allegedly, if the cops can’t find anybody who is high, they’ll get them high and sometimes even stop at a McDonald’s drive through and get them a McDouble for their trouble. The article even said they took one person who was kind of high already and got him really high before taking him to the study.


It’s no secret that I’m afraid of cops and spending a night in jail did nothing to alleviate my fears but now I have to worry about cops getting kids high?



Great. I knew we were going to have to do the “drug talk” with my stepson sooner or later but now we’ll have to amend it completely. Here we go –



Jared. You’re going to be 12 in just a couple of months and as you get older you’re going to have to make new decisions. Your parents, stepmom and I aren’t going to be around you 100% of the time so we’re trusting you to use good judgement and common sense.

I don’t need to tell you that “drugs are bad”. You’ve heard plenty about the dangers of drugs in school and you’re a smart kid but you need to realize that hearing about it in a classroom is very different from dealing with the situation in real life. I just want you to know that if a police officer tries to give you drugs you need to say “no” and get away from them as fast as possible.

If a cop ever offers you drugs you need to get away and tell somebody. Find a trusted adult like… shit. Cops used to be the “go to” people when thinking of trusted adults. I guess we don’t really have that option anymore. Go and find a… priest? No. Not a priest (at least not a Catholic one). Uh… how about a fireman? Go and find a fireman or something and tell them what happened.

It may not be easy. You may feel pressured into doing the drugs the cops are trying to give you because they’re in a position of authority and you’ve been told since you were a toddler that the police are here to protect you. They also carry loaded firearms so that kind of ups the intimidation factor.

It doesn’t matter. You have a bright future ahead of you and you don’t need to ruin it just because some police officer needs to meet some quota for a drug study.

DARE to resist drugs from cops.

Milk.

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I’m on a see-food diet. I see food and then I eat it HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (FART)!


Seriously, though. I’m not the kind of person that monitors what he eats. It may be one of the reasons I’m fat (recent studies at many universities are starting to show a growing link between eating a ton of shitty food and being overweight).


What’s worse is that the food I eat may constantly be making me high.


Jena was installing a computer the other day for some doctor reasearch sciencey person and they got to talking about Jared attending online school and the reasons for that. One of which being his ADD (which I also have the pleasure of having) and anxiety. The doctor then mentioned how she had conducted a study on the link between casein proteins and the exacerbation of inflammatory disorders like IBS, anxiety and ADD. Jena suggested we try going casein free for a month and see what happens since everybody in the house has at least one of those disorders.


This will be a bit tough since casein proteins are found in dairy products. Milk, cheese, most chocolates. Basically all the stuff I love to eat.


I decided to google it a bit to find out more about the whole casein / ADD connection. Turns out, according to a livestrong.com article that “people who lack the enzyme that breaks down proteins like casein are left with an opoid substance in their digestive system. This theoretically can produce an opium-like effect that alters perceptions and behavior and accounts for the spaciness and poor attention in ADHD.”


Wait a second. I’m getting high off of milk? Is it like Requiem For a Dream where I’ll slam a glass of milk, cut to my pupils dilating, my veins expanding, me collapsing on the couch.


I’ve been getting high off milk all these years. My parents, my teachers told me how important it is to drink my milk when I was a kid unaware that they might as well have been telling me how important it is to shoot heroin.


Shit. Am I going to go through withdrawal now? All cold sweats in the bed, looking up and seeing a cow walk across the ceiling turning it’s head 180 degrees?


Whatever. It’s for the best. Nothing but clean, drug milk free living for me for the next month. Thank god there’s no casein protein in beer.