Minneapolis Cops Accused of Baffling “Drugs for Nothing” Program.

Holy shit. City Pages just put up a story about how Minneapolis cops are supposedly cruising Occupy protests to find people who are high and take them to a facility to take part in an impairment study. Allegedly, if the cops can’t find anybody who is high, they’ll get them high and sometimes even stop at a McDonald’s drive through and get them a McDouble for their trouble. The article even said they took one person who was kind of high already and got him really high before taking him to the study.


It’s no secret that I’m afraid of cops and spending a night in jail did nothing to alleviate my fears but now I have to worry about cops getting kids high?



Great. I knew we were going to have to do the “drug talk” with my stepson sooner or later but now we’ll have to amend it completely. Here we go –



Jared. You’re going to be 12 in just a couple of months and as you get older you’re going to have to make new decisions. Your parents, stepmom and I aren’t going to be around you 100% of the time so we’re trusting you to use good judgement and common sense.

I don’t need to tell you that “drugs are bad”. You’ve heard plenty about the dangers of drugs in school and you’re a smart kid but you need to realize that hearing about it in a classroom is very different from dealing with the situation in real life. I just want you to know that if a police officer tries to give you drugs you need to say “no” and get away from them as fast as possible.

If a cop ever offers you drugs you need to get away and tell somebody. Find a trusted adult like… shit. Cops used to be the “go to” people when thinking of trusted adults. I guess we don’t really have that option anymore. Go and find a… priest? No. Not a priest (at least not a Catholic one). Uh… how about a fireman? Go and find a fireman or something and tell them what happened.

It may not be easy. You may feel pressured into doing the drugs the cops are trying to give you because they’re in a position of authority and you’ve been told since you were a toddler that the police are here to protect you. They also carry loaded firearms so that kind of ups the intimidation factor.

It doesn’t matter. You have a bright future ahead of you and you don’t need to ruin it just because some police officer needs to meet some quota for a drug study.

DARE to resist drugs from cops.

City Pages Readers Poll Voting Guide

Every year twin cities alternative news weekly City Pages does a “Best of the Twin Cities” issue. Our local source for information on expensive restaurants and cheap prostitutes asks it’s readers to put in their vote for such categories as “best place for a first date” and “best lake” (how can I choose? THERE’S TEN THOUSAND OF THEM). One of the categories is “best blog” so if you like what you read here and live in the twin cities why don’t you


COME OOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN




Some of you may wonder how I could be deluded enough to say that this is the best blog in the Twin Cities but do I need to remind you of all the good this blog has done in the last year?


Who got pepper sprayed by riot cops while breaking the story of Occupy Wall Street? This blog. Who raised less than $50,000 in charity last year? This blog. Who hosted peace talks between Israel and Palestine? This blog. Who made you realize that the word “blog” sounds really weird if you read it several times in the same paragraph? This blog. We’ve done so much for you and all we ask is that you take a minute to tell a free newspaper that we’re better than everybody else.


Don’t just vote for us, though. There’s plenty of other categories in their reader poll and if you’re having trouble deciding who to vote for, you can just use my handy-dandy voter recommendation guide!


youngnotions.com recommends –


Best Bus Route
The 17.
It takes me from my place to The Monday Night Comedy Show. That’s where the drinks are.

Best Lake
I seriously don’t know how one lake is better than another so I’m just going to say Lake Harriet because I got married in front of that one.

Best Local Blog
youngnotions.com . Duh.

Best Local Boy Made Good
Charles Lindbergh. He’s our most famous racist.

Best Local Girl Made Good
Mandi Young. She bailed me out of jail at 4AM, people. 4AM!

Best Local Website
http://www.davidicke.com/

Best Neighborhood
North Minneapolis

Best Place For a First Date
North Minneapolis

Best Place to People Watch
North Minneapolis

Best Place to Take Out of Town Guests
North Minneapolis

Best Politician
Michele Bachmann (she has provided me with countless hours of entertainment).

Best State Fair Food
Beer from a backpack sneaked in

Best Street
Asphalt

Best Strip Club
Under the Stone Arch Bridge on Saturday nights (the homeless women will give a lapdance for a sandwich).

Best Tweeter
@ThePatrickBauer

Best Villian
Doctor Light



Jesus Christ I clicked “next” and there’s like 30 more questions. Whatever. Use your best judgement for the other categories or just do what I did and fill out “Baba Booey” for everything. Thanks for voting!