Kraft Foods Supports Homoreosexuality

So Monday the Oreo facebook page posted this picture –



Have you ever taken a butterknife and shaved the creme off of five Oreos to make a “sextuple-stuff?” …me neither.





Two days later, it’s got 221,000 likes, 67,000 shares, 36,000 comments and a whole slew of news stories about all the buzz it’s generated. Some of the stories focus on how people are talking about a boycott in the facebook comments but nothing as of yet has been organized (I checked One Million Moms, the AFA website, basically all the “stick up their ass about gays” organizations).


First off, talk about a boycott all you want but it ain’t gonna work. Product boycotts against gay rights have been nothing but flops recently. Whether it’s girl scout cookies (cookies love the gays!) or the whole JC Penny Ellen DeGeneres thing, it seems like Anti-gay boycotts are just not effective for these bigots.



Good. I’m glad a boycott will most likely affect nothing and I’m glad Oreo did this. Oreo didn’t have to post anything about pride. They’re a cookie. I don’t expect cookies to take any sort of stance on civil rights (except the famously racist Mrs. Fields). They had no dog in this fight.



Seriously. They had no reason to do this other than to show their support for gay rights. Sure, Target made a bunch of Pride shirts and donated them but really they were covering their own asses after throwing money to anti-gay politicians and getting called out for it.



So thank you, Oreo. You’re not only the best packaged cookie out there and the only tasty thing a vegan can eat but now your fake cookie has become a sugary beacon for the gay rights movement. I think you should go one step farther, Oreo. Make the cookie.



Seriously. I would buy that cookie and not just because it has six layers of creme. I would buy that cookie to tell the world “I support marriage equality and also I’m pretty fat!”.



Granted, I’m no cookie architect. I don’t know if such a cookie is even possible. According to your wikipedia page you once made a Triple Stuff Oreo and released it in certain cities but discontinued it after a month. Was it too unstable? Did people go mad when confronted with that high a creme/cookie ratio? Is the middle cookie in the Triple Double Oreo there simply to maintain structural integrity?



I don’t know if you will do it or even if you can but until that day I’ll just dream of a country where everybody is treated equally regardless of sexuality and Oreos can have six layers of rainbow creme.

Guess Who Just Sold Me Ten Boxes of Girl Scout Cookies?

This girl.


[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y514LSe8FWk?rel=0&w=420&h=315]


In this video a young girl scout makes a plea to boycott Girl Scout Cookies to send a message to GSUSA that it’s not okay to allow transgender girls into girl scout troops. Specifically citing Colorado Girl Scouts admitting Bobby Montoya, a 7 year old transgender girl. She calls GSUSA “dishonest” for not telling people they’re not a bunch of bigots and questions the safety of girls sharing tents on camping trips with trans girls. Like they’re going to get raped or something.


Yeah. Total sexual predator. No doubt.




The sign behind her in the video has the url for honestgirlscouts.com, an organization dedicated to eliminating girl scouts’ acceptance of the gays and sexual education. They’re particularly pissed that GSUSA has ties with Planned Parenthood because over 90% of what they do is abortions (you guys never click the links anyway so I’ll just tell you it’s 3%).


After watching this video (twice! Ugh.) I really wanted to lay into this girl and call her all sorts of names and all sorts of swear words but when it comes down to it, she’s just a kid standing up for her beliefs. What she believes is wrong, misinformed and kind of hateful but it’s her right to ask for a boycott. She even goes as far as to suggest you can donate money directly to the GSUSA instead of buying cookies to send a message so I’m not going to tear her a new one. I’m just going to do what I do best. Eat the shit out of some Girl Scout Cookies.


I am going to eat so many fucking cookies. Anytime I see some girl scouts outside of a grocery store (the one thing I miss about office life is being able to buy Girl Scout Cookies from coworkers) I will buy as many cookies as my budget will allow. My favorite are the Peanut Butter Patties (formerly known as Tagalongs).

Found this image from another wordpress blog that just drools over girl scout cookies. Click the image.




Cookie season is fast approaching and I am on the fucking prowl. Did you know Girl Scouts even have an online cookie locator so you can find the cookies closest to you? God bless the internet.


In the video the girl says that Girl Scout Cookies grossed over $110 mil. in 2010. I sincerely hope this year blows that figure out of the water. This is going to be the tastiest counter-protest ever.


One day Jena will come home to find me in a daze, surrounded by empty boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and covered in crumbs. When she asks “What the hell is going on here?” I will weakly burp out “Equality!” before slipping into a diabetic coma.


Leave a comment and tell me your favorite girl scout cookie. Cookie party!




UPDATE

Looks like the youtube vid went private but I found one that’s still up on a NY Daily News article. Click the link to watch it because it won’t let me embed it for some reason (I’m dumb at HTML is probably the reason). Enjoy!