Tag Archives: bears

Dolls That Offend Sensitivities

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Some of you know that I have a weird, super weird fear. Walking, talking teddy bears. Teddy Ruxpin, the Charmin bear, Snuggles, the Care Bears…

When I say that to people, they give me this shocked look, like I just told them that the cuddly-est thing on earth freaks me out. Cause, well, I just did. Though most people will give me a pass for Teddy Ruxpin.

Creepy Fucker.

I seriously had to take a deep breath and prepare myself for the results of this Google image search. I mean, I had THOUSANDS of these creepy things looking at me. You people have no appreciation for what I do for you. You’re welcome.

A lot of people say “but what about the Care Bears? They do good things.” NO. No they don’t. I want you to think about this for a moment. There are these walking, talking teddy bears that look down on you from the clouds… watching you… and when they don’t like what you’re doing, they come down and SHOOT YOU WITH BEAMS THAT COME OUT OF THEIR STOMACHS and change you, making you do what THEY want you to do.

It’s like the religious right in cuddle form. And that doesn’t scare you?

Anyway, what brings all of this up for me is the newest craze in Korea. Kong Suni, the Farting doll.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/P8zT2vh6rB4]

That’s right. This doll will eat smileys, poop them out again, and fart when you rub her tummy. You can get the one that has the flush-able toilet to facilitate potty training. When I first read “Korean Farting Doll,” I thought it might be one of those weird sex dolls to fulfill awkward fetishes. I mean, Japan sells used panties in vending machines. Why not farting sex dolls?

The whole farting doll thing is, I think, an overall good idea. Dolls to facilitate learning. Teach potty training. Teach how to change a diaper (Fact: the first diaper I remember changing was Jared’s. I never had one of those fancy dolls to teach me how). Maybe they could make dolls to teach world peace, or tolerance of other cultures.

Or, they could make The Retarded Doll.

It’s ICE CREAM. Jeez.

No really. This is a thing. And I know the gut reaction is offense, but I want you to read the article and interview. This is a doll with cerebral palsy, created by a group that assists… oh god, what’s the term now? Not handicapped… disabled? Differently abled? Challenged? Special?

Look, I’m just as sensitive as the next person, but I really don’t know what the PC term is. Even though the doll is called the Retard doll, I have problems using it. I feel like that’s THEIR word. Because they’re different from me and need to be treated as such.

Point is, this doll does not offend me. It was made to challenge people’s conceptions of people with specific challenges that the rest of us, and educate us on how those conceptions limit and dehumanize them.

Do you know what does offend me? Creepy ass bears shooting me with their change beams, telling me I’m not good enough and have to become someone else. Now THAT’S fucking offensive.

A Letter to seattlepi.com

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Dear seattlepi.com;


There seems to be an issue with your website that I wanted to bring to your attention. I encountered the problem reading the syndicated comic strip “Mark Trail” on your site (top of the list when I googled “Mark Trail”! Congrats!). You see, as an act of charity I transcribe Mark Trail comic strips into text-only stories for the blind, elderly and sensitive who enjoy the blandness of Mark Trail but are put off by the vibrant drawings of nature scenes. While browsing through the archive I encountered a problem with navigation. I tried to jump to a specific date but the comic was stuck on December 10th.


In case you haven’t seen it, the Mark Trail comic for December 10th depicted a muzzled bear being attacked by a pack of wolves while a woman watched helplessly in the first panel. She shouted out “he’s helpless with that muzzle and those footpads” to nobody in particular. Perhaps the wolves. The second panel was a close up of the woman’s face as she shouted “HELP!”. The third and final panel went back to the bear being attacked by wolves as the narrator reiterated that the bear was defensless by stating “the defenseless bear is no match for the attacking wolves.


The fact that the website was not allowing me to navigate away from the strip caused three issues I would like you to address and correct.


1. For myself and all of your readers, please fix the website so I can easily navigate around the archives of not only Mark Trail but Mary Worth, Judge Parker, Rex Morgan and any other comic strip where the creator died at least one decade ago.

2. If this cannot be done in an expedient manner, please relay to me the comic strips for Mark Trail for the previous two weeks and any following. You may email the strips to me or transcribe them in text-only fashion as I have done for you for the December 10th strip.

3. In trying to navigate away from the December 10th strip I was confronted, multiple times, of a vicious attack of a muzzled bear by a pack of wolves. Time and again when I thought I had navigated to a new page the gruesome, bloodless image of wolves circling a bear engraved themselves into my brain. The experience has traumatized me and while I have no intention of suing you I would like compensation in the form of a gift card for no more than $10. Please email me for my address.


Thanks!